General Information[]
| Title | "The One with the List" |
| Format | SubRip |
| Extension | .srt |
Subtitles[]
1 00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,163 Ross kissed me. 2 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,804 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 3 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,441 It was unbelievable! 4 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,738 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 5 00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:15,313 Let's hear everything. 6 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,151 Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. 7 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,850 Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,347 It ended very well. 9 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,360 Do not start without me! Do not start without me! 10 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:31,190 Okay. All right. Let's hear about the kiss. 11 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,798 Was it a soft brush against your lips... 12 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,697 ...or was it a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? 13 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:42,268 Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then.... 14 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,843 Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it. 15 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,641 So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? 16 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,341 No, actually, first they started out on my waist... 17 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,181 ...and then they slid up and were in my hair. 18 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:00,493 And... 19 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,025 ...then I kissed her. 20 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,059 Tongue? 21 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,059 -Yeah. -Cool. 22 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,693 The One With the List 23 00:01:52,013 --> 00:01:54,106 All right, check out this bad boy! 24 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,681 Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... 25 00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,715 ... built-in spreadsheet capabilities... 26 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:03,754 ...and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS. 27 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,854 What will you use it for? 28 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,457 Games and stuff. 29 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,958 There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me. 30 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,928 Oh, wait, here's one. 31 00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:19,934 -Would you be willing to cook naked? -There's an ad for a naked chef? 32 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:24,874 No, but if you'll cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. 33 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,545 And then.... 34 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,411 So how'd you make out last night? 35 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,781 That is funny. That is painfully funny. 36 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,392 No, wait, wait. 37 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,925 Yeah, that's just painful. 38 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:46,258 Wait a minute. I thought last night was great. 39 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,331 Yeah, it was. But I get home... 40 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,730 ...and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table... 41 00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,438 ...and I think, "My God! What am I doing?" 42 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,543 Here I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman... 43 00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,441 ...who I care about and who cares about me... 44 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,774 ...and I'm just throwing all that away? 45 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,410 You got all that from saline solution? 46 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:11,010 I'm the same way.Show me a bottle of wine. and I'm like, Wow, who am I? 47 00:03:13,254 --> 00:03:16,553 Wait. We're talking about Rachel. You and Rachel. 48 00:03:16,758 --> 00:03:19,727 I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years. 49 00:03:19,927 --> 00:03:21,656 But now I'm with Julie. 50 00:03:21,896 --> 00:03:24,763 So it's like, me and Julie, me and Rachel. 51 00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:27,092 Me and Julie, me and Rach 52 00:03:27,735 --> 00:03:28,895 Rachel! Rachel. 53 00:03:30,104 --> 00:03:32,231 -Hey, you. -How are you? 54 00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:33,939 Good. How are you? 55 00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,197 Good. 56 00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:38,078 -Hi, honey. -Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie? 57 00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:39,843 Julie! 58 00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:42,713 How are you? 59 00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,111 Good. 60 00:03:44,585 --> 00:03:45,950 So everybody's here. 61 00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,748 Everybody's good. 62 00:03:49,748 --> 00:03:52,248 Good, Great, and here! 63 00:03:54,426 --> 00:03:56,621 Were you gonna play something? 64 00:03:56,895 --> 00:03:58,920 -Well, actually -Play it! 65 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,295 All right. 66 00:04:02,901 --> 00:04:05,631 -Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. -What? 67 00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:09,440 Okay. Hi. 68 00:04:09,741 --> 00:04:12,266 Hello. Hi. Okay. 69 00:04:13,779 --> 00:04:16,839 This is a song about a love triangle... 70 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:19,073 ... between three people I made up. 71 00:04:22,955 --> 00:04:25,617 It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night." 72 00:04:29,194 --> 00:04:32,857 There was a girl We'll call her Betty 73 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:36,363 And a guy Let's call him Neil 74 00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:40,936 Now I can't stress This point too strongly 75 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,370 This story isn't real 76 00:04:46,545 --> 00:04:51,278 Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside 77 00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,711 Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly 78 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:57,285 Or will it be the one Who we'll call Loolie 79 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,224 He must decide He must decide 80 00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:06,829 Even though I made him up He must decide 81 00:05:10,569 --> 00:05:13,003 Well, this is a nice resume. 82 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,573 Nice, nice, nice. 83 00:05:16,074 --> 00:05:17,769 Muy impressivo. 84 00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,269 Shame! It not all true. 85 00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:23,269 Forget it. 86 00:05:24,269 --> 00:05:27,269 No, it's all true. I'm just a little nervous, that's all! 87 00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:29,577 I am fine now. 88 00:05:29,577 --> 00:05:33,513 Mr. Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear. 89 00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:36,181 Macholate. 90 00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:38,282 -I'm sorry? -Macholate. 91 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,750 It's a synthetic chocolate substitute. 92 00:05:43,992 --> 00:05:45,584 Go ahead, try a piece. 93 00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:48,820 We think Macholate is even better than chocolate. 94 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,019 All right. 95 00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,206 I love how it crumbles. 96 00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:04,777 -You see, chocolate doesn't do that. -No, ma'am. 97 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,815 We should be getting our FDA approval any day now. 98 00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:12,943 Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. 99 00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:15,622 The way we see it, chocolate dominates... 100 00:06:15,857 --> 00:06:20,658 ...your major food-preparation holidays. Easter, Christmas, what have you. 101 00:06:20,895 --> 00:06:22,954 But given the right marketing... 102 00:06:23,198 --> 00:06:25,689 ...we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday. 103 00:06:27,235 --> 00:06:28,167 Wow. 104 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:31,035 Aren't you gonna swallow that? 105 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:34,174 Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. 106 00:06:34,376 --> 00:06:35,809 Isn't that great? 107 00:06:38,346 --> 00:06:39,643 Well, anyhow... 108 00:06:39,881 --> 00:06:43,339 ...we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes. 109 00:06:43,585 --> 00:06:44,813 You interested? 110 00:06:45,019 --> 00:06:45,883 Abso-... 111 00:06:47,322 --> 00:06:48,414 ... -lutely! 112 00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:53,817 I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and now... 113 00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:55,222 ... I love Macholate. 114 00:06:55,497 --> 00:06:56,521 Really? 115 00:06:56,765 --> 00:06:59,427 Especially that aftertaste. I tell you... 116 00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,692 ...that'll last you till Christmas. 117 00:07:06,274 --> 00:07:07,741 How about Macholate mousse? 118 00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:09,403 It's not... 119 00:07:09,677 --> 00:07:11,235 ...very Thanksgiving-y. 120 00:07:11,713 --> 00:07:14,238 How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse? 121 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:16,410 What makes it Pilgrim? 122 00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:18,582 We'll put buckles on it. 123 00:07:22,123 --> 00:07:23,351 Did Ross call? 124 00:07:23,591 --> 00:07:25,252 No, I'm sorry. 125 00:07:25,693 --> 00:07:27,593 Why didn't he call? 126 00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:29,621 He's gonna stay with Julie. 127 00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:31,957 He's gonna stay with her and she'll be: 128 00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,463 "Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me. 129 00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:38,797 We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" 130 00:07:40,475 --> 00:07:43,137 No offense, but that sounds nothing like her. 131 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:50,073 What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare! 132 00:07:50,318 --> 00:07:54,448 I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me! 133 00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:59,055 They're both gorgeous, my wallet's too small for my 50s... 134 00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,751 ...and my diamond shoes are too tight!" 135 00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:06,759 -Here's a thought -Don't ever touch the computer. 136 00:08:08,169 --> 00:08:10,967 Ross, listen. I got two words for you: 137 00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:12,399 Threesome. 138 00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,599 You still have another word if you have not use. 139 00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:25,399 Hey, I think I know what is it, HELP! 140 00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:28,408 Let's get logical about this. We'll make a list. 141 00:08:28,614 --> 00:08:31,048 "Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons." 142 00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:37,984 We'll put their names in different fonts... 143 00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:40,657 ...and I can use different colors for each column. 144 00:08:41,093 --> 00:08:42,287 Can't we use a pen? 145 00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:44,425 No, Amish boy. 146 00:08:46,398 --> 00:08:50,061 Let's start with the cons because they're more fun. 147 00:08:50,335 --> 00:08:51,165 Rachel first. 148 00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:53,331 I don't know. 149 00:08:53,839 --> 00:08:55,067 I mean.... 150 00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:59,802 All right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes. 151 00:09:00,245 --> 00:09:01,940 You could say that. 152 00:09:03,816 --> 00:09:07,775 I guess, sometimes she's a little ditzy, you know? 153 00:09:08,153 --> 00:09:11,088 And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. 154 00:09:11,757 --> 00:09:13,816 And Julie and I have a lot in common... 155 00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:16,959 ... because we're both paleontologists, right? 156 00:09:17,196 --> 00:09:19,027 But Rachel's just a waitress. 157 00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:20,663 Waitress. 158 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,191 Got it. You guys want to play Doom? 159 00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:27,997 Or we could keep doing this. 160 00:09:29,775 --> 00:09:30,969 What else? 161 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,941 I don't know. 162 00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,471 Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby. 163 00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:40,649 Okay, let's do Julie. 164 00:09:40,953 --> 00:09:42,181 What's wrong with her? 165 00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:47,825 She's not Rachel. 166 00:09:49,996 --> 00:09:52,897 This is pumpkin pie with a Macholate crust. 167 00:09:53,099 --> 00:09:56,796 This is Macholate cranberry cake, and these are Macholate-chip cookies. 168 00:09:57,103 --> 00:09:59,128 Just like the lndians served. 169 00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:03,606 Oh, my God! 170 00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:04,842 "Oh, my God" good? 171 00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:08,672 Oh, my God! I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth. 172 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:13,411 Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like! 173 00:10:19,526 --> 00:10:21,289 I tell you, it won't print. 174 00:10:22,529 --> 00:10:25,191 I pressed that button, like, 100 times. 175 00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,366 For a hotline, you're not so hot. 176 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,532 What is that in the background? 177 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,204 Are you watching Star Trek? 178 00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:42,946 So how was going with Julie. Did you break her heart? 179 00:10:44,451 --> 00:10:48,945 It was horrible. She cried, I cried. She threw things, they hit me. 180 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,019 I did the right thing. 181 00:10:53,293 --> 00:10:55,853 So Spock actually hugs his father? 182 00:10:57,897 --> 00:10:59,626 Hey, do you guys have 183 00:11:03,903 --> 00:11:04,801 Where you going? 184 00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,405 I just got back... 185 00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:09,837 ...from Julie's. 186 00:11:12,512 --> 00:11:13,536 No, no. 187 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,644 It's not what you think. 188 00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:17,509 It's the other thing. 189 00:11:24,491 --> 00:11:27,654 Well, what's the other thing? What do I think? 190 00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:31,090 Well.... 191 00:11:31,364 --> 00:11:32,524 He broke up with Julie! 192 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,328 Well, go hug her, for God's sakes! 193 00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:39,705 Really? 194 00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:40,838 Really. 195 00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:43,841 It's always been you, Rach. 196 00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,738 Oh, God. 197 00:11:57,424 --> 00:11:59,016 Oh, this is good. 198 00:11:59,225 --> 00:12:01,284 -This is really good. -I know. I know. 199 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,085 It's almost.... 200 00:12:09,703 --> 00:12:12,797 What do you say we take a walk? Just us. Not them. 201 00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:15,599 -Let me get my coat. -Okay. No, hey! 202 00:12:16,476 --> 00:12:17,909 I'll get your coat. 203 00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:28,652 He's going to get my coat. He's going to get my coat, Joey! 204 00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:33,051 Joey, I can't believe this! This is unbelievable! 205 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,727 -What's that? -What? Nothing! 206 00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:41,264 -I saw my name. What is it? -No, no, see? See? 207 00:12:41,468 --> 00:12:42,298 It's printing! 208 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:44,600 It's printing! 209 00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:47,901 Let me see! 210 00:12:48,108 --> 00:12:49,735 Hey, someone order a coat? 211 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:53,276 Chandler wrote something about me and won't let me see. 212 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,345 He won't? He won't! 213 00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:58,909 Because isn't that... 214 00:12:59,152 --> 00:13:01,245 ...the short story you were writing? 215 00:13:02,322 --> 00:13:04,517 Yes, it is a short story... 216 00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:06,019 ...that I was writing. 217 00:13:06,259 --> 00:13:08,124 And I'm in it? Let me read it. 218 00:13:08,361 --> 00:13:09,328 No! 219 00:13:11,698 --> 00:13:15,429 -Come on! -Hey, why don't you read it to her? 220 00:13:25,612 --> 00:13:26,772 All right. 221 00:13:36,656 --> 00:13:38,021 "It was summer. 222 00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:41,892 And it was hot. 223 00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:44,554 Rachel was there. 224 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,060 A lonely gray couch. 225 00:13:52,372 --> 00:13:54,237 'Oh, look!' cried Ned. 226 00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:57,976 And the kingdom was his forever. The end!" 227 00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:04,913 That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the world! 228 00:14:06,186 --> 00:14:07,813 This isn't funny anymore. 229 00:14:08,054 --> 00:14:12,047 There's something about me on that paper, and I want to see it. 230 00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:13,383 No, you don't. 231 00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:19,831 All right, fine. If you guys want to be children, that's fine. 232 00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,660 I do not need to see it! 233 00:14:28,341 --> 00:14:29,205 What is this? 234 00:14:29,576 --> 00:14:30,873 That is.... 235 00:14:32,512 --> 00:14:33,376 What is this? 236 00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,241 -Thank you. -Good luck. 237 00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:42,021 Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you, okay? 238 00:14:42,355 --> 00:14:43,379 "Kind of ditzy"? 239 00:14:44,424 --> 00:14:45,755 "Too into her looks"? 240 00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:48,115 "Spoiled"? 241 00:14:48,394 --> 00:14:51,921 A little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little," the idiot! 242 00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,264 "Just a waitress"? 243 00:14:56,569 --> 00:14:58,298 Now that was.... 244 00:14:58,738 --> 00:15:00,865 I mean, as opposed to.... 245 00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:04,707 Okay, is this over yet? Rach? 246 00:15:05,478 --> 00:15:08,879 I do not have chubby ankles! 247 00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,242 No! I 248 00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:13,611 Okay, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column. 249 00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:15,954 "She's not Rachem"? 250 00:15:17,423 --> 00:15:18,822 What the hell's a Rachem? 251 00:15:19,125 --> 00:15:21,150 Is that a stupid paleontology word... 252 00:15:21,394 --> 00:15:23,726 ... I wouldn't know, because I'm just a waitress? 253 00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,787 Rach, come on! 254 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:29,832 It's "She's not Rachel"! 255 00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:31,934 She's not.... 256 00:15:39,913 --> 00:15:41,278 My diary! Brilliant! 257 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:45,315 If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read it. 258 00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:50,080 That's true. You'd be a great person to have around after an emergency. 259 00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:53,956 I cannot believe Ross even made this list. 260 00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:56,627 -I know. -What a dinkus! 261 00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:01,027 Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea. 262 00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:02,664 What? 263 00:16:02,869 --> 00:16:05,360 Oh, good. I was hoping that would come up. 264 00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:07,971 This was your idea? 265 00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:12,644 Let's get some perspective here. These things happen for a reason. 266 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,506 Yeah. You! 267 00:16:15,949 --> 00:16:20,147 Pheebs, back me up. You believe in that karma crap, don't you? 268 00:16:20,887 --> 00:16:24,220 By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle. 269 00:16:42,075 --> 00:16:43,064 Rach! 270 00:16:46,012 --> 00:16:48,378 Hey! Open up! Please? 271 00:16:48,715 --> 00:16:52,651 When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means, "Go away." 272 00:16:52,852 --> 00:16:55,047 It doesn't mean, "Climb up the fire escape." 273 00:16:55,321 --> 00:16:57,881 I just want to read you your "Pro List." 274 00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,552 Not interested. 275 00:17:01,494 --> 00:17:04,759 "Number one: the way you cry at game shows. 276 00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:08,758 Number two: how much you love your friends. 277 00:17:09,002 --> 00:17:12,995 Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. 278 00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:17,073 Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. 279 00:17:17,343 --> 00:17:20,403 Number five: how great you are with Ben. 280 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,342 Number six: the way you smell." 281 00:17:25,585 --> 00:17:26,677 What are you doing? 282 00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:28,744 You want to open the window? 283 00:17:29,022 --> 00:17:29,886 Oh, yeah. 284 00:17:31,624 --> 00:17:33,956 -What are you doing out there? -I'm.... 285 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,695 You must be freezing. You know what you need? 286 00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:40,023 How about a nice, steaming cup of hot Macholate? 287 00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:45,363 Come on, open up. 288 00:17:46,706 --> 00:17:49,641 Rach, come on. You gotta give me another chance. 289 00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:50,873 No. 290 00:17:51,944 --> 00:17:54,037 -No? -That's what I said. 291 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:55,305 Maybe we should go. 292 00:17:55,581 --> 00:17:57,640 You don't have to go. We're done. 293 00:17:57,884 --> 00:17:59,408 I know how you must 294 00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:01,314 No! You don't, Ross. 295 00:18:01,954 --> 00:18:05,822 Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. 296 00:18:06,092 --> 00:18:10,290 How would you feel if the person you trusted most in the world... 297 00:18:10,496 --> 00:18:12,157 ... not only thinks them too... 298 00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:16,334 ... but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. 299 00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:21,006 No, but see, I want to be with you in spite of all those things. 300 00:18:21,908 --> 00:18:24,502 Well, that's mighty big of you. 301 00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:25,641 I said, don't go! 302 00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:30,744 You know what? 303 00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:35,751 If it were the other way around, there is nothing you could put on a list... 304 00:18:35,988 --> 00:18:38,650 ...that would make me not want to be with you. 305 00:18:39,425 --> 00:18:42,588 Well, then I guess that's the difference between us. 306 00:18:42,829 --> 00:18:45,263 See, I'd never make a list. 307 00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:05,508 I never know how long to wait in this situation before you can talk. 308 00:19:07,653 --> 00:19:09,018 Maybe a little longer. 309 00:19:14,627 --> 00:19:17,687 In these recipes, the quantities may seem unusual. 310 00:19:17,964 --> 00:19:20,956 Like these coconut Macholate holiday nut bars? 311 00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:24,261 I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of nuts... 312 00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:27,564 ...and only one tablespoon of Macholate. 313 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,502 Doesn't matter. 314 00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,878 Our FDA approval didn't come through. 315 00:19:34,147 --> 00:19:37,014 Something about laboratory rats. 316 00:19:38,184 --> 00:19:39,208 Gosh, I'm sorry. 317 00:19:39,418 --> 00:19:40,248 Yeah. 318 00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,851 Anyhow, here's your check. 319 00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:46,523 Thank you for all the trouble you went through. 320 00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:51,020 Listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you? 321 00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,697 Well, I ate some. 322 00:19:52,932 --> 00:19:55,662 Oh, some is fine. Some is not a lot. 323 00:19:57,036 --> 00:20:00,005 So it doesn't burn when you pee, does it? 324 00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:19,221 Is that him again? 325 00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:23,188 Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down. 326 00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:27,958 I don't think this is the best time. 327 00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:31,101 Look, can you do something for me? 328 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,701 Sure. What? 329 00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:37,698 All right. 330 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,372 Music? 331 00:20:43,082 --> 00:20:43,980 Sure. 332 00:20:51,224 --> 00:20:54,159 The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. 333 00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:57,260 Rachel, he wants you to know he's sorry for what he did... 334 00:20:57,496 --> 00:21:00,260 ...and he hopes you can forgive him. 335 00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:05,069 See the stones set in your eyes 336 00:21:05,271 --> 00:21:09,332 See the thorn twist in your side 337 00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:13,506 I'll wait for you 338 00:21:18,584 --> 00:21:21,951 Sleight of hand and twist of fate 339 00:21:22,588 --> 00:21:27,252 On a bed of nails she makes me wait 340 00:21:27,526 --> 00:21:31,860 And I'll wait without you 341 00:21:32,164 --> 00:21:36,999 We've just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did. 342 00:21:37,270 --> 00:21:40,205 It's pretty appalling. And, Ross, if you're listening... 343 00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:43,135 ...I don't want to play your song anymore. 344 00:21:48,881 --> 00:21:51,714 Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? 345 00:21:51,984 --> 00:21:54,418 Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car... 346 00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:56,850 ...and she hopes you two will work it out. 347 00:21:57,690 --> 00:22:00,215 There's a room where 348 00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:03,860 I can go 349 00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:08,624 And tell my secrets to 350 00:22:09,869 --> 00:22:12,360 In my room 351 00:22:16,375 --> 00:22:18,969 In my room 352 00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:32,924 Thanks for coming in again. 353 00:22:33,192 --> 00:22:35,922 Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash. 354 00:22:36,495 --> 00:22:38,326 It's like I'm looking in a mirror. 355 00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:42,660 Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios. 356 00:22:43,736 --> 00:22:46,364 They taste exactly like pistachios... 357 00:22:46,572 --> 00:22:49,564 ... but they're made of reconstituted fish bits. 358 00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:51,668 Here, try one. 359 00:22:52,712 --> 00:22:54,907 -All right. -You're not allergic to anything? 360 00:22:55,748 --> 00:22:56,578 Cat hair. 361 00:22:56,782 --> 00:22:58,215 Oh, sorry.