Friends Season 1 Episode 16-17

Subtitles
1 00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:09,444 This is unbelievable! It's been half an hour. 2 00:00:09,711 --> 00:00:13,214 If this was a cartoon, you'd look like a ham about now. 3 00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:15,350 There's the waitress. Excuse me! 4 00:00:15,617 --> 00:00:19,654 - Hello, miss? - It's Phoebe! 5 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,391 Okay, will that be all? 6 00:00:23,658 --> 00:00:26,094 Wait, wait. What are you doing here? 7 00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,495 I was over there... 8 00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:30,899 ...then you said, "Excuse me, miss." So now I'm here. 9 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,535 How come you're working here? 10 00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:38,173 Because it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute. 11 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:39,407 Can we start over? 12 00:00:39,641 --> 00:00:42,477 Okay, great. I'm gonna be over here. 13 00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:46,548 The One With the Two Parts - Part I 14 00:01:30,325 --> 00:01:33,261 I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out... 15 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:37,832 ...but my monkey is out of control! 16 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:41,636 He keeps erasing the messages on my machine. 17 00:01:41,903 --> 00:01:44,672 Supposedly by accident. 18 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,243 Yeah, I've done that. 19 00:01:50,078 --> 00:01:53,781 And three days in a row, he got to the newspaper before I did... 20 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,718 ...and peed all over the crossword! 21 00:01:56,985 --> 00:02:00,021 I've never done that. 22 00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:03,892 And then last night, I don't know what he did, but there were capers everywhere. 23 00:02:06,261 --> 00:02:09,664 Allright now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister. 24 00:02:09,931 --> 00:02:12,033 I'm saying I see a difference. 25 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,535 They're twins. 26 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:18,640 I don't care. Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot. 27 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,543 You know that thing when we talk about things? 28 00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:25,280 Let's not do that anymore. 29 00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:29,150 Hey, Pheebs. Guess who we saw today? 30 00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:30,952 Oh, fun! 31 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,554 - Liam Neeson. - No. 32 00:02:32,787 --> 00:02:34,289 Morley Safer. 33 00:02:34,556 --> 00:02:36,257 The woman who cuts my hair! 34 00:02:36,491 --> 00:02:38,626 This could be a really long game. 35 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,295 Your sister, Ursula. 36 00:02:40,562 --> 00:02:41,930 Oh, really? 37 00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:43,331 She works at that place... 38 00:02:43,565 --> 00:02:44,732 Riff's. Yeah, I know. 39 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:49,437 You do? She said you guys haven't talked in years. 40 00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:55,743 So is she fat? 41 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,013 Not from where I was standing. 42 00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:02,317 Where were you standing? 43 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:07,188 Pheebs, so you guys just don't get along? 44 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:10,058 It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know? 45 00:03:10,325 --> 00:03:15,196 Everyone always thought of her as the pretty one. 46 00:03:15,530 --> 00:03:17,298 She was the first to walk... 47 00:03:16,865 --> 00:03:21,436 ...even though I did it later that same day. 48 00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:27,108 To my parents, by then it was, "Yeah, what else is new?" 49 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:30,278 I'm sorry. I've gotta go. I've got Lamaze class. 50 00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:35,517 And I've got earth science, but I'll catch you in gym? 51 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,320 Is this just gonna be you and Carol? 52 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,289 Susan will be there too. 53 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:46,461 We've got dads, we've got lesbians. The whole parenting team. 54 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,596 Isn't that gonna be weird? 55 00:03:48,863 --> 00:03:50,899 It might have been at first... 56 00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:52,700 ...but now I'm comfortable with the situation. 57 00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:53,668 Ross, that's my jacket. 58 00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:56,638 I know. 59 00:04:04,179 --> 00:04:05,480 We're the Rostens. 60 00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:08,616 I'm J.C. And he's Michael. 61 00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:12,720 And we're having a boy and a girl. 62 00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:17,058 Good for you! Alrighty, next? 63 00:04:19,027 --> 00:04:20,595 I'm Ross Geller. 64 00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:23,097 And that's my boy in there. 65 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:29,437 And this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch. 66 00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:33,641 Susan is Carol's... 67 00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:40,582 Who's next? 68 00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,250 Sorry I didn't get it, Susan is...? 69 00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:44,519 - Susan is Carol's friend. - Life partner. 70 00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:47,088 Like buddies. 71 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,556 Like lovers. 72 00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:52,694 You know how close women can get. 73 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,596 - Susan and I live together. - I was married to her. 74 00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:57,532 - Carol, not me. - It's a little complicated. 75 00:04:57,799 --> 00:05:00,702 - But we're fine. - Absolutely. 76 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,570 So, twins! 77 00:05:02,837 --> 00:05:05,673 That's like two birds. 78 00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:17,485 - To you too, Helen! 79 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,288 Nina Bookbinder is here to see you. 80 00:05:20,522 --> 00:05:24,092 Okay, send her in. 81 00:05:28,363 --> 00:05:31,366 - Come on in. - You wanted to see me? 82 00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:33,368 I was just going over your data. 83 00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:36,137 You've been postdating your Friday numbers. 84 00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:38,306 Which is bad, because...? 85 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:41,543 It throws my WENUS out of whack. 86 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,111 Excuse me? 87 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,546 WENUS. 88 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,948 Weekly Estimated Net Usage Statistics. 89 00:05:47,182 --> 00:05:49,017 Right. Gotcha, gotcha. 90 00:05:49,284 --> 00:05:53,154 Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your... 91 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:56,057 ...WENUS. 92 00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:08,236 It's not just that she's cute, okay? It's just that... 93 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,105 ...she's really, really cute. 94 00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:14,409 It doesn't matter. You don't dip your pen in the company ink. 95 00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:19,647 God, even I know that, and I'm pretty much unemployable. 96 00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:22,584 Ross. 97 00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:26,554 Your little creature's got the remote again. 98 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:30,792 Marcel, give Rossy the remote. 99 00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:33,294 Marcel! 100 00:06:32,861 --> 00:06:37,565 Marcel, you give Rossy the remote right now! 101 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,036 You give Rossy the remote... 102 00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:46,307 - Great. - Relax. I'll fix it. 103 00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:48,042 Oh, cool. 104 00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:49,177 Urkel... 105 00:06:49,444 --> 00:06:53,615 ...in Spanish is Urkel. 106 00:06:54,249 --> 00:06:57,018 How did he do this? 107 00:06:57,285 --> 00:06:59,487 Is leaving the Christmas lights up... 108 00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:02,290 ...your plan to keep us merry all year long? 109 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,727 Someone was supposed to take them down around New Year's... 110 00:07:05,994 --> 00:07:08,129 ...but obviously someone forgot! 111 00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,598 Someone was supposed to write: 112 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:16,304 "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the refrigera... 113 00:07:17,071 --> 00:07:20,475 How long has that been there? 114 00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:24,179 Where you been? 115 00:07:24,379 --> 00:07:27,949 I went to Riff's. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee. 116 00:07:28,183 --> 00:07:33,388 She brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries. 117 00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,724 Score. 118 00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:39,294 She is so hot! 119 00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:42,096 Okay, before you do anything Joey-like... 120 00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:46,134 ...you might want to run it by... 121 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,771 Pheebs? 122 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:52,507 Would it be okay if I asked out your sister? 123 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:56,811 Why? Why would you want to do that? Why? 124 00:07:57,078 --> 00:08:01,583 So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there. 125 00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:08,423 Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know... 126 00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:11,493 ...whatever. 127 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:15,330 And I mean, it's true, we were one egg once. 128 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,299 But, you know, we've grown apart, so... 129 00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:20,335 I don't know. Why not? 130 00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:23,404 Cool. Thanks. 131 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:26,741 You okay? 132 00:08:27,008 --> 00:08:28,910 Yeah, I'm fine. 133 00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:33,348 Do you wanna watch "Laverne y Shirley"? 134 00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:49,797 Sorry. 135 00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:52,233 Sorry I'm late. Where's Carol? 136 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:55,670 Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. 137 00:08:55,937 --> 00:08:59,140 You can go. I'll get the information. 138 00:08:59,374 --> 00:09:03,912 No, I think I should stay. We should both know what's going on. 139 00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:05,380 Oh, good. 140 00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:07,015 This will be fun. 141 00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:11,686 We're gonna start with some basic third-stage breathing exercises. 142 00:09:11,953 --> 00:09:13,688 Mommies, get on your back. 143 00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:19,360 And, coaches, you should be supporting Mommy's head. 144 00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:25,800 - What? - What? 145 00:09:26,034 --> 00:09:27,702 I'm supposed to be the mommy? 146 00:09:27,969 --> 00:09:32,907 Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time. 147 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:37,011 I have to miss out on the coaching training because I'm a woman? 148 00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:39,080 So what do you propose to do? 149 00:09:39,314 --> 00:09:41,516 - I'll flip you for it. - Flip me for it? 150 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,685 Heads, heads, heads! 151 00:09:43,952 --> 00:09:47,522 On your back, Mom! 152 00:09:49,991 --> 00:09:55,597 All right, Mommies, take a nice, deep, cleansing breath. 153 00:09:57,699 --> 00:09:58,466 Good. 154 00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:01,603 Now imagine your vagina is opening... 155 00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:05,406 ...like a flower. 156 00:10:14,549 --> 00:10:16,584 Mr. Dee! How's it going, sir? 157 00:10:16,851 --> 00:10:18,453 It's been better. 158 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,323 The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in. 159 00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:23,992 It's pretty ugly. 160 00:10:24,225 --> 00:10:28,663 We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the '70s. 161 00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:30,131 What's it mean? 162 00:10:30,365 --> 00:10:32,700 We'll be laying off people. 163 00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:36,638 I know I was late last week. I slept funny and my hair was snarly. 164 00:10:36,905 --> 00:10:38,373 Not you. 165 00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:41,609 Relax. 166 00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:44,379 Ever have to fire anyone? 167 00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:48,016 No, but that's not a problem sir, that's why my name's on the door. 168 00:10:49,617 --> 00:10:51,820 By the way, do you know when I'm getting my name on the door? 169 00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,590 I don't know. I... put it in "the thing". 170 00:10:56,391 --> 00:11:00,128 So... who's it gonna be? 171 00:11:00,228 --> 00:11:02,564 Nina... 172 00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:04,532 Nina. 173 00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:07,969 Nina? 174 00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,239 Ninaaaa.... 175 00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:13,775 Are you okay? 176 00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:17,412 Yes. Yes, I am. 177 00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:21,716 Listen, the reason that I called you in here today was... 178 00:11:21,983 --> 00:11:23,985 Please don't hate me. 179 00:11:24,252 --> 00:11:26,588 What? 180 00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:31,059 Would you like to have dinner sometime? 181 00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:38,132 So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday? 182 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:44,105 What I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me. 183 00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:51,813 Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn? 184 00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:53,781 Bath salts would be nice! 185 00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:56,518 Good. 186 00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:05,260 What is this place? 187 00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:08,129 You're cold, I have to pee, and there's coffee. 188 00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:10,265 How bad could it be? 189 00:12:10,498 --> 00:12:14,068 I think we have an answer. 190 00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:15,436 What's she doing here? 191 00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:19,374 This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home. 192 00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:23,511 - Think she got fired at Riff's? - No, we were there last night. 193 00:12:23,778 --> 00:12:26,414 She kept bringing swordfish. Are you gonna go...? 194 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,850 I'll wait until we order. It's her, right? 195 00:12:29,117 --> 00:12:31,519 It looks like her. 196 00:12:31,786 --> 00:12:34,088 Excuse me? 197 00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:37,325 Hi, it's us! 198 00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:43,298 Right. And it's me! 199 00:12:44,165 --> 00:12:46,067 So you're here too? 200 00:12:46,334 --> 00:12:48,303 As much as you are. 201 00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:50,672 Your turn. 202 00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:52,040 We know what we want. 203 00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,209 That's good. 204 00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:57,345 - Two caffe lattes. - And some biscotti cookies. 205 00:12:57,579 --> 00:13:00,415 Good choice. 206 00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:06,287 It's definitely her. 207 00:13:12,694 --> 00:13:13,862 I can't believe you. 208 00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:17,799 You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job? 209 00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:21,803 You still haven't taken down the Christmas lights. 210 00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:26,107 Congratulations! I think you found the world's thinnest argument. 211 00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:28,309 Trying to find the right moment. 212 00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:32,780 That shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating. 213 00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:38,953 "Sweetheart, you're fired. But how about a quickie before I go to work?" 214 00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:49,430 Once you're inside, you don't have to knock anymore. 215 00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:52,667 I'll get it. 216 00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,671 Hi, Mr. Heckles. 217 00:13:56,938 --> 00:13:57,939 You're doing it again. 218 00:13:58,206 --> 00:13:59,674 We're not doing anything. 219 00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:03,111 We're just sitting around talking quietly. 220 00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:06,915 I can hear you through the ceiling. 221 00:14:07,282 --> 00:14:10,919 My cats can't sleep. 222 00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:12,754 You don't even have cats. 223 00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:16,491 I could have cats. 224 00:14:16,491 --> 00:14:17,659 Goodbye, Mr. Heckles. 225 00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:21,996 We'll try to keep it down. 226 00:14:24,732 --> 00:14:27,502 Phoebe, can you do me a favor? 227 00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:29,604 Try this on to make sure it fits. 228 00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:33,775 My first birthday present! Oh, this is really... 229 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:38,813 No no no, it's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise. 230 00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:41,549 Sure. Yeah. 231 00:14:41,282 --> 00:14:44,219 Okay, it fits. 232 00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:46,221 Are you seeing her again? 233 00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:48,890 Yep, Ice Capades. 234 00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:50,124 This is serious. 235 00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:55,230 I've never known you to pay money for any kind of "capade". 236 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,732 I don't know. I like her. 237 00:14:57,932 --> 00:15:01,236 She's different. There's something about her... 238 00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:05,373 That you like. We get it. You like her. 239 00:15:05,807 --> 00:15:08,309 Phoebe, I asked you and you said it was okay. 240 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:12,046 Well, maybe now it's not okay. 241 00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:17,819 Well, maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay. 242 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:25,226 Knit, good woman. Knit! Knit! 243 00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:41,509 And that's the Chrysler Building right there. 244 00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:43,545 Mr. Douglas. 245 00:15:43,811 --> 00:15:46,381 Cool tie. 246 00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:49,784 She's still here. 247 00:15:50,018 --> 00:15:52,554 Yes. Yes, she is. 248 00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:54,088 Didn't I memo you? 249 00:15:54,355 --> 00:15:59,227 After I let her go, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen... 250 00:15:59,494 --> 00:16:02,597 ...Dr. Flanan, Dr. Flan. 251 00:16:03,431 --> 00:16:06,501 And he informed me that she took the news rather badly. 252 00:16:06,734 --> 00:16:10,238 In fact, he mentioned the word "frenzy". 253 00:16:10,471 --> 00:16:11,739 She seems so... 254 00:16:12,006 --> 00:16:15,410 Oh, no, no. Nina? She's... 255 00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,012 In fact, if you asked her now... 256 00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:22,217 ...she'd have no recollection of being fired at all. 257 00:16:22,484 --> 00:16:23,618 That's unbelievable. 258 00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,987 And yet believable. 259 00:16:26,254 --> 00:16:28,256 So I decided not to fire her again... 260 00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:32,560 ...until I'm sure she will be of no threat to herself or others. 261 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:37,432 I see. You never really know what's going on inside a person's head. 262 00:16:37,699 --> 00:16:42,837 Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir. 263 00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:46,741 The sound Mom and Dad will never forget. 264 00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:50,278 For this, after all, is the miracle of birth. 265 00:16:50,545 --> 00:16:51,846 Lights, please. 266 00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:53,615 And that's having a baby. 267 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:57,685 Next week is our final class. 268 00:16:57,685 --> 00:17:00,855 Susan, go deep. 269 00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:06,661 It's impossible. It's just impossible. 270 00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:08,029 What is, honey? 271 00:17:08,263 --> 00:17:10,064 What that woman... 272 00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:12,200 ...did. 273 00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:15,170 I am not doing that! 274 00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:18,606 It'll have to stay in, that's all. Everything will be the same. 275 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,843 - It'll just stay in. - Carol, honey. 276 00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:24,779 - Everything will be all right. - What do you know? 277 00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:27,916 No one's saying to you, "Hi, is that your nostril? 278 00:17:28,216 --> 00:17:31,719 Mind if we push this pot roast through it?!" 279 00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,588 Carol, sweetie. 280 00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:36,391 Cleansing breath. 281 00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:39,794 I know it's frightening. But big picture: 282 00:17:40,028 --> 00:17:42,630 The birth part is just one day... 283 00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:47,468 ...and when it's over, we'll all be parents for the rest of our lives. 284 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:50,338 I mean, that's what this is all about, right? 285 00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:52,740 Ross? 286 00:17:52,974 --> 00:17:54,409 Ross. 287 00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:57,579 I'm gonna be a father. 288 00:17:57,812 --> 00:18:01,115 - This is just occurring to you? - I knew I was having a baby. 289 00:18:01,082 --> 00:18:04,619 I just never realized the baby was having me. 290 00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:06,821 You're gonna be great. 291 00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,456 How could you say that? 292 00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:12,360 I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bathmat. 293 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:14,262 How am I gonna raise a kid? 294 00:18:14,529 --> 00:18:16,764 You know, some scientists are now saying... 295 00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:21,769 ...that monkeys and babies are actually different. 296 00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:25,740 You might wonna look into it... 297 00:18:27,742 --> 00:18:28,910 - Where are you going? - Out. 298 00:18:29,144 --> 00:18:30,011 With...? 299 00:18:30,912 --> 00:18:32,113 Yes! 300 00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:35,717 Alright, can I just ask you one question? 301 00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:40,488 Have you two, you know, like, you know? 302 00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:42,423 You know? 303 00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:44,325 Yet? 304 00:18:44,559 --> 00:18:46,561 Well, not that it's any of your business, but... 305 00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:50,098 ...no, we haven't. Okay? 306 00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,906 You meant sex, right? 307 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:11,519 - Do you have a sec? - Sure, Nina. What's up? 308 00:19:11,786 --> 00:19:14,956 I don't know, for the past couple of days, people have been avoiding me... 309 00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:17,926 ...and giving me strange looks. 310 00:19:18,159 --> 00:19:21,830 Oh, well, maybe that's because... 311 00:19:22,096 --> 00:19:23,765 ...they're jealous of us. 312 00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:25,300 Maybe. 313 00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:29,437 But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors. 314 00:19:29,671 --> 00:19:34,642 Well, maybe that's because you're getting a big raise! 315 00:19:34,909 --> 00:19:37,045 - I am? - Sure. Why not? 316 00:19:37,278 --> 00:19:40,582 Oh, my God! You're amazing! 317 00:19:40,849 --> 00:19:43,418 Oh, you don't know. 318 00:19:43,651 --> 00:19:47,355 Helen, make sure we do the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise. 319 00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:52,627 You still want me to send her psychological profile to personnel? 320 00:19:52,861 --> 00:19:54,929 Helen drinks. 321 00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:58,500 Will you marry me? 322 00:20:03,571 --> 00:20:07,175 - After the proposal, I kind of unreveled. 323 00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:11,179 Right, because you were really in control up untill then. 324 00:20:13,148 --> 00:20:16,518 - Yeah, well, I ended up telling her everything. - Oh, how'd she take it? 325 00:20:16,551 --> 00:20:18,987 Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. 326 00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:21,990 Little tip. If you're ever in a similar situation... 327 00:20:22,023 --> 00:20:26,895 ...never, ever leave your hand on the desk. 328 00:20:27,162 --> 00:20:31,633 Okay, I think I get how to do this. 329 00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:38,006 Can we turn this off? Can we make them go away? 330 00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:40,175 Because I can't watch. 331 00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,811 They're gone. 332 00:20:42,844 --> 00:20:44,546 Are you all right? 333 00:20:44,813 --> 00:20:48,783 Yeah. It's just this whole stupid Ursula thing. 334 00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:50,451 Okay Pheebs, can I ask...? 335 00:20:50,718 --> 00:20:54,355 So he's going out with her. Is it really so terrible? 336 00:20:54,622 --> 00:20:57,058 Yeah. 337 00:20:57,225 --> 00:21:00,361 I mean, I'm not saying she's evil or anything. 338 00:21:00,628 --> 00:21:04,098 She's just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff. 339 00:21:04,332 --> 00:21:07,602 When I was 8, I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos... 340 00:21:07,869 --> 00:21:10,538 ...so she threw it under the bus. 341 00:21:09,771 --> 00:21:15,009 And then when I was twelve and she broke my colar bone. 342 00:21:15,009 --> 00:21:17,846 Alright, she didn't mean to do it. But I think it still counts. 343 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,049 And then there's Randy Brown... 344 00:21:21,282 --> 00:21:23,017 ...who was like... 345 00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:27,789 Have you ever had a boyfriend who was your best friend? 346 00:21:30,258 --> 00:21:32,494 Well, but that's what he was for me. 347 00:21:32,727 --> 00:21:35,296 And she, you know, kind of stole him away... 348 00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:39,000 ...and then broke his heart. 349 00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:41,903 And then he wouldn't even talk to me anymore. 350 00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:48,076 He didn't want to be around anything that looked like either one of us. 351 00:21:50,445 --> 00:21:55,550 I mean, I know Joey's not my boyfriend or my thermos... 352 00:21:55,817 --> 00:21:57,218 ...or anything, but... 353 00:21:57,452 --> 00:22:00,622 - You won't lose him. - You gotta talk to Joey. 354 00:22:00,889 --> 00:22:01,789 Yeah, okay. 355 00:22:02,056 --> 00:22:05,160 He doesn't know this stuff. If he knew how you felt... 356 00:22:05,393 --> 00:22:07,028 He's falling in love with her. 357 00:22:07,295 --> 00:22:09,297 They've been going out a week. 358 00:22:09,597 --> 00:22:15,470 They haven't even slept together yet. I mean, that's not serious. 359 00:22:41,229 --> 00:22:43,798 May we help you? 360 00:22:51,005 --> 00:22:54,309 What are you doing? It's freezing! Would you come inside? 361 00:22:54,542 --> 00:22:56,344 No, no, no. 362 00:22:56,611 --> 00:22:59,280 You wanted me to take them down... 363 00:22:59,514 --> 00:23:03,685 ...so I'm taking them down, okay? 364 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:06,788 Rachel! 365 00:23:07,021 --> 00:23:10,024 I'm okay. I'm okay. 366 00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:12,227 Mr. Heckles? 367 00:23:12,460 --> 00:23:16,164 Mr. Heckles, could you help me, please? 368 00:23:16,431 --> 00:23:21,202 This is just the kind of thing I was talking about. 369 00:23:29,377 --> 00:23:31,528 My friend was taking down our Christmas lights... 370 00:23:31,563 --> 00:23:35,056 ...and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her ankle. 371 00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:39,138 My God, you still have your Christmas lights up? 372 00:23:39,955 --> 00:23:41,745 Fill this out and bring it back to me. 373 00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:44,547 Here you go. 374 00:23:48,319 --> 00:23:49,486 All right. 375 00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,001 Name... 376 00:23:51,237 --> 00:23:53,842 ...address... 377 00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:55,304 Okay, are you currently on any medication? 378 00:23:55,339 --> 00:23:58,451 No. Oh, wait wait yes! 379 00:23:58,486 --> 00:23:59,503 Blistex. 380 00:24:00,702 --> 00:24:02,592 Ah, NO! 381 00:24:03,728 --> 00:24:05,878 In case of emergency, call...? 382 00:24:06,123 --> 00:24:07,580 You. 383 00:24:07,824 --> 00:24:10,134 Really? 384 00:24:10,740 --> 00:24:13,867 Oh, that is so sweet! 385 00:24:14,435 --> 00:24:16,502 Oh, gosh. I love you. 386 00:24:16,743 --> 00:24:18,248 Okay, insurance? 387 00:24:18,491 --> 00:24:22,425 Yeah, check it. Definitely gonna want some of that! 388 00:24:22,666 --> 00:24:23,926 You don't have insurance? 389 00:24:24,168 --> 00:24:26,208 Why? How much is this gonna cost? 390 00:24:26,253 --> 00:24:29,590 I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars! 391 00:24:29,331 --> 00:24:33,319 - What'll we do? - There's not much we can do. 392 00:24:34,315 --> 00:24:38,055 Unless I use yours. 393 00:24:39,635 --> 00:24:40,799 Now wait a second. 394 00:24:41,048 --> 00:24:44,413 Who did I just put as my "in case of emergency" person? 395 00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:47,778 That's insurance fraud. 396 00:24:47,943 --> 00:24:52,765 All right then, forget it. Might as well just go home. 397 00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:59,247 - Okay, come here. I hate this. - Thank you. I love you. 398 00:25:00,035 --> 00:25:03,526 I'm gonna need a new set of these forms. 399 00:25:03,775 --> 00:25:05,728 Why? 400 00:25:05,975 --> 00:25:09,628 I am really an idiot! 401 00:25:09,754 --> 00:25:11,624 I was filling out my friend's form... 402 00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:14,033 ...and instead of putting her information... 403 00:25:14,282 --> 00:25:15,612 ...I put mine. 404 00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:18,272 You are an idiot. 405 00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:23,342 Yep, that's me. I am that stupid. 406 00:25:24,336 --> 00:25:27,918 I had a dream that I was playing football with my kid. 407 00:25:28,169 --> 00:25:29,544 That's nice. 408 00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:33,000 No, no. With him. 409 00:25:34,669 --> 00:25:39,329 I'm on this field, and they hike me the baby. 410 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:44,286 I've gotta do something because the Tampa Bay team's coming right at me! 411 00:25:44,532 --> 00:25:47,326 Tampa Bay's got a terrible team. 412 00:25:47,574 --> 00:25:49,948 Right, but... 413 00:25:50,197 --> 00:25:55,695 ...it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they can take us. 414 00:25:55,982 --> 00:25:57,940 And so, I... 415 00:25:58,191 --> 00:25:59,770 ...I just heave it downfield! 416 00:26:00,019 --> 00:26:01,856 What are you, crazy? That's a baby! 417 00:26:02,105 --> 00:26:05,892 He should take the sack? 418 00:26:07,937 --> 00:26:08,935 Anyway... 419 00:26:09,185 --> 00:26:11,346 ...suddenly I'm downfield. 420 00:26:11,597 --> 00:26:15,425 And I realize that I'm the one who's suppose to catch him, right? 421 00:26:15,676 --> 00:26:18,343 Only I know I'm not gonna get there in time. 422 00:26:18,593 --> 00:26:20,380 So I am running and I'm running... 423 00:26:20,634 --> 00:26:22,294 ...and that is when I woke up. 424 00:26:22,543 --> 00:26:25,877 See, I am so not ready to be a father. 425 00:26:26,131 --> 00:26:28,001 Hey, you're gonna be fine. 426 00:26:28,250 --> 00:26:33,163 You're one of the most caring, responsible men in North America. 427 00:26:33,163 --> 00:26:34,993 You're gonna make a great dad. 428 00:26:35,246 --> 00:26:40,368 Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking. 429 00:26:42,910 --> 00:26:45,991 Have you ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it expensive? 430 00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:49,445 Only if you order stuff. 431 00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:52,231 I'm taking Ursula tonight. It's her birthday. 432 00:26:52,481 --> 00:26:57,103 - What about Phoebe's birthday? - When's that? 433 00:26:57,602 --> 00:26:59,057 Tonight. 434 00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:03,558 Man, what are the odds of that happening? 435 00:27:04,184 --> 00:27:07,432 You take your time. 436 00:27:11,384 --> 00:27:14,091 There it is! 437 00:27:16,547 --> 00:27:18,093 So, what are you gonna do? 438 00:27:18,342 --> 00:27:22,209 What can I do? I don't want to screw it up with Ursula. 439 00:27:22,458 --> 00:27:23,500 And your friend, Phoebe? 440 00:27:23,753 --> 00:27:27,875 If she's my friend, she'll understand. Wouldn't you guys? 441 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,957 If you tried that on my birthday... 442 00:27:30,204 --> 00:27:34,991 ...you'd be staring at the business end of a hissy fit. 443 00:27:36,133 --> 00:27:40,712 An added pinch of saffron makes all the difference. 444 00:27:44,587 --> 00:27:45,422 Monica? 445 00:27:45,669 --> 00:27:46,707 Yes? 446 00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:49,416 Yes, she is. 447 00:27:49,663 --> 00:27:51,540 This is my friend, Rachel. 448 00:27:51,791 --> 00:27:53,085 Hi Rachel, I'm Dr. Mitchell. 449 00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:55,000 And I'm his friend, Dr. Rosen. 450 00:27:56,099 --> 00:27:58,668 I'm Okay here. actually, that's alright. 451 00:27:58,703 --> 00:28:00,845 I don't mind at all, now you can take your break. 452 00:28:07,431 --> 00:28:09,589 Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor? 453 00:28:09,624 --> 00:28:10,860 Excuse me? 454 00:28:10,895 --> 00:28:13,110 I meant, god, young, young. I meant young. 455 00:28:13,145 --> 00:28:15,216 Young to be a doctor. 456 00:28:15,251 --> 00:28:17,145 - Good, Rach. - Thank you. 457 00:28:25,531 --> 00:28:27,790 So he said it was a sprain, and that was it. 458 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,841 You left out the stupid part. 459 00:28:31,097 --> 00:28:32,118 It's not stupid. 460 00:28:32,374 --> 00:28:36,783 The very cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said yes. 461 00:28:37,044 --> 00:28:40,315 I think it's totally insane. They work for the hospital. 462 00:28:40,565 --> 00:28:43,924 It's like returning to the scene of the crime. 463 00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:48,154 - I say we blow off the dates. - What? Monica, they are cute. 464 00:28:48,205 --> 00:28:52,316 They are doctors. Cute doctors. Doctors who are cute. 465 00:28:52,370 --> 00:28:56,786 All right, what have we learned so far? 466 00:28:57,009 --> 00:28:59,460 Oh, God. 467 00:29:03,985 --> 00:29:06,808 Surprise! 468 00:29:12,913 --> 00:29:17,268 What are you doing? You scared the crap out of me! 469 00:29:17,476 --> 00:29:19,594 - Was that the cake? - Yeah. 470 00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:22,292 I got a lemon schmush. 471 00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:24,986 Come on. She'll be here any minute. 472 00:29:25,236 --> 00:29:28,269 I hope it's okay. 473 00:29:31,049 --> 00:29:34,453 "Happy Birthday, Peehee." 474 00:29:34,912 --> 00:29:37,317 Maybe we can make a "B" out of a rose. 475 00:29:37,570 --> 00:29:40,884 Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools. 476 00:29:41,434 --> 00:29:42,846 - What's going on? - We just... 477 00:29:43,096 --> 00:29:46,214 Surprise! 478 00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:51,063 This is so great! 479 00:29:51,312 --> 00:29:53,430 This was not at all scary. 480 00:29:54,144 --> 00:29:59,315 Oh look, "happy birthday Peehee". What a strange new nickname. 481 00:29:59,345 --> 00:30:02,603 I like it! Oh my god! 482 00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:03,019 Hi, everybody. Hi, Betty! 483 00:30:03,268 --> 00:30:04,484 Betty, hi! 484 00:30:04,737 --> 00:30:08,058 You found Betty! Oh, my gosh! This is so great. 485 00:30:08,303 --> 00:30:11,703 Everybody I love is in the same room. 486 00:30:11,954 --> 00:30:15,190 Where's Joey? 487 00:30:16,491 --> 00:30:19,470 Did you see Betty? 488 00:30:28,154 --> 00:30:32,776 I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. 489 00:30:33,028 --> 00:30:37,393 Five years ago, if somebody'd said, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune"... 490 00:30:37,642 --> 00:30:41,583 ...I'd have said, "Get out of my office!" 491 00:30:43,239 --> 00:30:46,246 Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all? 492 00:30:46,298 --> 00:30:48,132 I'm not freaking out! I'm just saying... 493 00:30:48,188 --> 00:30:51,793 ...if someone had come to me with the idea... 494 00:30:52,041 --> 00:30:55,023 I'm talking about the whole baby thing. 495 00:30:54,973 --> 00:30:57,873 Did you ever get this sort of... 496 00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:04,253 ...panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing? 497 00:31:05,005 --> 00:31:08,238 We just had kids back then. We didn't think about it. 498 00:31:08,273 --> 00:31:11,397 What else could the sun dry? I wonder. 499 00:31:14,891 --> 00:31:19,213 Right, look. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. 500 00:31:19,278 --> 00:31:20,318 I wasn't around that much. 501 00:31:21,587 --> 00:31:22,606 Is that what this is about? 502 00:31:23,927 --> 00:31:25,583 No, no. I was just wondering. 503 00:31:25,540 --> 00:31:28,599 Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. 504 00:31:29,164 --> 00:31:33,886 You always wanted to go to colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that? 505 00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:36,087 Thanks, Dad, really. 506 00:31:36,350 --> 00:31:39,566 You know, I just, I just... 507 00:31:39,828 --> 00:31:42,214 I just needed to know... 508 00:31:42,476 --> 00:31:46,853 ...when did you start to feel like a father? 509 00:31:46,927 --> 00:31:52,835 Well, I guess it must have been the day after you were born. 510 00:31:52,392 --> 00:31:55,442 We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep... 511 00:31:55,686 --> 00:31:59,443 ...and they brought you in and gave you to me. 512 00:31:59,699 --> 00:32:03,070 You were this ugly little red thing! 513 00:32:03,324 --> 00:32:07,538 And all of a sudden, you grabbed my finger with your whole fist... 514 00:32:07,786 --> 00:32:09,329 ...and you squeezed it... 515 00:32:09,579 --> 00:32:12,830 ...so tight. 516 00:32:13,168 --> 00:32:16,585 And that's when I knew. 517 00:32:18,130 --> 00:32:22,593 So you don't want to go to Williamsburg? 518 00:32:24,388 --> 00:32:27,394 We can go to Williamsburg. 519 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,772 Eat your fish. 520 00:32:33,479 --> 00:32:35,814 Rachel, the cute doctors are here! 521 00:32:36,063 --> 00:32:37,697 Okay, coming. 522 00:32:37,945 --> 00:32:41,575 Hi, come on in. Hey, Michael, Jeffrey. 523 00:32:41,825 --> 00:32:42,697 Here, we brought wine. 524 00:32:42,951 --> 00:32:47,624 Look at this. It's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine. 525 00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:50,419 - How could we resist? - Oh, that's great, look at that! 526 00:32:50,667 --> 00:32:54,342 - So, Monica, how's the ankle? - It's... 527 00:32:55,297 --> 00:32:57,339 Why don't you tell them? 528 00:32:57,591 --> 00:32:59,635 After all, it is your ankle. 529 00:32:59,887 --> 00:33:02,803 You know, what? It's feeling a lot better. Thank you. 530 00:33:03,055 --> 00:33:08,306 listen, why don't you guys sit down, and we'll get you some glasses. 531 00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:11,027 Stat! 532 00:33:13,313 --> 00:33:16,612 Okay, listen, I'm thinking why don't we just tell them who we really are? 533 00:33:16,859 --> 00:33:20,699 - I mean it'll be fine. I really think it will be fine. - It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble. 534 00:33:20,946 --> 00:33:22,948 Mnica, would you stop being such a wuss! 535 00:33:23,202 --> 00:33:26,996 A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world. 536 00:33:27,249 --> 00:33:29,543 - So? - So they still seem normal. 537 00:33:29,791 --> 00:33:30,958 That's because they are. 538 00:33:31,008 --> 00:33:34,119 Okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out with women we meet at the hospital it turns into... 539 00:33:34,164 --> 00:33:36,630 Would you relax? Take a look around. 540 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,556 There are no pagan altars. 541 00:33:40,801 --> 00:33:43,640 No piles of bones in the corners. 542 00:33:43,894 --> 00:33:47,606 They're fine. Go like this: 543 00:33:49,936 --> 00:33:53,948 I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a big baby! 544 00:33:54,189 --> 00:33:55,779 - I am not a baby. - Be serious. 545 00:33:56,032 --> 00:33:58,157 - You get uptight... - You act like a princess. 546 00:33:58,401 --> 00:34:00,788 You know what? You know what? 547 00:34:01,036 --> 00:34:04,914 Every day you are becoming more and more like your mother. 548 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,625 Excuse me. 549 00:34:06,872 --> 00:34:09,336 Here we go. 550 00:34:09,585 --> 00:34:11,926 This is a great place. How long have you lived here? 551 00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:15,299 Thanks. I've been here about six years. 552 00:34:15,551 --> 00:34:19,470 And Rachel moved in a few months ago. 553 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,262 See, I was supposed to get married... 554 00:34:22,513 --> 00:34:26,099 ...but I left the guy at the altar. 555 00:34:30,065 --> 00:34:32,773 Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but... 556 00:34:33,023 --> 00:34:36,950 ...hey, that's me! 557 00:34:39,743 --> 00:34:41,454 Why don't you try the hummus? 558 00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:43,954 So, Monica, what do you do? 559 00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:46,451 I am a chef at a restaurant uptown. 560 00:34:46,706 --> 00:34:47,495 Good for you. 561 00:34:47,751 --> 00:34:50,250 Yeah, it is. 562 00:34:50,501 --> 00:34:56,974 Mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do. 563 00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:59,515 Well, this hummus is great. 564 00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:03,014 God bless the chickpea. 565 00:35:06,351 --> 00:35:07,522 Oh, God! 566 00:35:07,775 --> 00:35:11,779 I am so spoiled! 567 00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:17,077 That's it. 568 00:35:17,259 --> 00:35:18,949 I shoplift. 569 00:35:21,808 --> 00:35:26,163 That was years ago and you had no idea that lipstick was in your pocket. 570 00:35:26,198 --> 00:35:30,168 Did I tell you that I think I'm so much cuter than I am? 571 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,714 And have I mentioned that back in high school... 572 00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,803 ...I was a cow? 573 00:35:38,574 --> 00:35:41,264 I used to wet my bed. 574 00:35:41,508 --> 00:35:44,348 I use my breasts to get other people's attention. 575 00:35:44,590 --> 00:35:47,846 We both do that! 576 00:36:00,718 --> 00:36:04,725 Monica and Rachel's apartment. 577 00:36:04,978 --> 00:36:09,238 Just one second. Rachel, it's your dad. 578 00:36:10,654 --> 00:36:11,861 Hi, Dad. 579 00:36:12,119 --> 00:36:14,911 No, no. It's me. 580 00:36:15,159 --> 00:36:17,832 Listen, Dad, I can't talk right now. 581 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,127 But there's something... 582 00:36:20,377 --> 00:36:23,677 There's something I've been meaning to tell you. 583 00:36:23,923 --> 00:36:24,925 Excuse me. 584 00:36:25,177 --> 00:36:27,179 Remember back in freshman year? 585 00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:31,937 Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed. 586 00:36:42,047 --> 00:36:44,000 Daddy... 587 00:36:44,261 --> 00:36:47,198 Daddy, daddy why? Why would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? 588 00:36:47,454 --> 00:36:49,744 His father tried to put you out of business! 589 00:36:50,007 --> 00:36:53,071 You are dead! 590 00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,480 Hey, Rachel, are these your condoms? 591 00:37:00,236 --> 00:37:05,321 Oh, no. No, that was just Monica. She's drunk again. 592 00:37:07,289 --> 00:37:10,376 Ah, Pheebs, I don't think scrunchy is a word. 593 00:37:10,411 --> 00:37:13,850 Why not? If crunchy is a word, why isn't scrunchy? 594 00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:17,703 Well, okay, then I'm using that same argument for fligament. 595 00:37:20,410 --> 00:37:22,641 Ross, he's got the remote again. 596 00:37:22,882 --> 00:37:24,745 Good. 597 00:37:24,986 --> 00:37:27,984 Maybe he can switch it back. 598 00:37:30,372 --> 00:37:33,051 Maybe not. 599 00:37:33,099 --> 00:37:35,482 Okay, daddy, that's the other line. 600 00:37:36,565 --> 00:37:39,025 Okay, no. Not even in my bedroom. 601 00:37:39,681 --> 00:37:43,019 Okay, okay. Bye-bye. 602 00:37:43,562 --> 00:37:45,370 Hello? 603 00:37:50,108 --> 00:37:53,306 Hold on a second and let me just check and see if she's here. 604 00:37:53,049 --> 00:37:56,878 It's the woman from the hospital. There's a problem with the form. 605 00:37:57,127 --> 00:37:58,815 Oh, God, what do we do? 606 00:37:59,063 --> 00:38:00,837 Just find out what they want. 607 00:38:01,081 --> 00:38:03,352 Okay. No, you do it. 608 00:38:03,603 --> 00:38:07,310 Hello. This is Monica. 609 00:38:09,948 --> 00:38:13,121 Yes, we'll be right down. Thank you. 610 00:38:13,368 --> 00:38:16,500 We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms. 611 00:38:16,751 --> 00:38:19,554 - You're right, this wasn't worth it. - Thank you. 612 00:38:19,803 --> 00:38:22,967 Okay, let me just change. 613 00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:24,984 gudje? 614 00:38:25,019 --> 00:38:26,169 - Nautical term. 615 00:38:26,244 --> 00:38:27,865 - Cheating man. - Okay. 616 00:38:30,586 --> 00:38:33,438 - Hey. - Hey... Hi. 617 00:38:33,073 --> 00:38:35,187 - She still didn't call? - No. 618 00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:37,788 Trouble? 619 00:38:38,037 --> 00:38:40,047 Your sister stood me up the other night. 620 00:38:40,292 --> 00:38:45,313 Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you? 621 00:38:46,544 --> 00:38:47,663 What is that? 622 00:38:47,998 --> 00:38:49,842 Tushy! 623 00:38:51,413 --> 00:38:54,543 - Well, did you try calling her? - I've been trying for two days. 624 00:38:54,787 --> 00:38:57,413 When I called the restaurant, they said she was busy. 625 00:38:57,657 --> 00:39:01,679 I can't believe she's blowing me off! 626 00:39:17,618 --> 00:39:19,899 Excuse me, we had the two chef salads. 627 00:39:22,525 --> 00:39:25,317 No, we havn't had hem yet. 628 00:39:25,352 --> 00:39:27,551 We're still hoping to have them. 629 00:39:27,986 --> 00:39:29,302 Okay. 630 00:39:36,470 --> 00:39:39,650 - Hey. - Oh. 631 00:39:41,606 --> 00:39:43,209 You got a minute? 632 00:39:43,454 --> 00:39:46,173 Yeah, I'm just working. 633 00:39:58,214 --> 00:40:00,181 I got you a birthday present. 634 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,395 Wow, you remembered! 635 00:40:07,220 --> 00:40:09,691 It's a Judy Jetson thermos. 636 00:40:09,637 --> 00:40:11,171 Right, ike the kind you... 637 00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:12,983 Right. 638 00:40:13,225 --> 00:40:15,319 Oh, I got something for you too. 639 00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,874 How'd you know I was coming? 640 00:40:18,121 --> 00:40:21,580 Yeah, twin thing. 641 00:40:22,521 --> 00:40:24,536 I can't believe you did this. 642 00:40:24,780 --> 00:40:26,543 I can't believe you... 643 00:40:26,786 --> 00:40:29,912 ...did this! 644 00:40:30,846 --> 00:40:35,807 So what's the deal with you and Joey? 645 00:40:36,051 --> 00:40:37,322 Oh, right. 646 00:40:37,563 --> 00:40:41,011 He is so great. But that's over. 647 00:40:41,257 --> 00:40:43,644 - Does he know? - Who? 648 00:40:43,893 --> 00:40:48,659 Joey. You know, he's really nutsy about you. 649 00:40:48,898 --> 00:40:50,415 He is? Why? 650 00:40:50,661 --> 00:40:52,512 You got me. 651 00:40:52,762 --> 00:40:53,786 Excuse me... 652 00:40:54,032 --> 00:40:58,139 ...doesn't this come with a side salad? 653 00:40:58,217 --> 00:40:59,986 So are you gonna call him? 654 00:41:00,234 --> 00:41:04,173 - You think he likes me? - No. Joey. 655 00:41:04,423 --> 00:41:08,114 No, no. He is so smart. He'll figure it out. 656 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,491 Do you want some chicken? 657 00:41:10,740 --> 00:41:13,700 No, no. No food with a face, remember? 658 00:41:13,947 --> 00:41:16,126 You have not changed. 659 00:41:16,365 --> 00:41:19,280 Yeah, you too. 660 00:41:19,808 --> 00:41:22,651 Excuse me. My side salad? 661 00:41:25,193 --> 00:41:27,283 The service in here is horrible. 662 00:41:32,405 --> 00:41:35,431 Hi! Remember us? 663 00:41:35,715 --> 00:41:39,437 You just called about needing a signature on the admissions form? 664 00:41:39,681 --> 00:41:42,103 Well, it turns out we need a whole new one. 665 00:41:42,343 --> 00:41:44,629 Because, you see... 666 00:41:44,874 --> 00:41:47,412 ...I put the wrong name again. 667 00:41:47,660 --> 00:41:51,419 - Because... - You're that stupid! 668 00:41:51,663 --> 00:41:54,656 I am. I'm that stupid! 669 00:41:54,897 --> 00:41:57,516 And I'm just gonna pay for this with a check. 670 00:41:57,761 --> 00:41:59,517 Well, you know your insurance will cover that. 671 00:42:00,161 --> 00:42:03,802 Yeah, I know. I'm just not that bright either. 672 00:42:08,634 --> 00:42:13,212 Mon, I'm sorry about last night what I said. I don't think you're anything like your mother. 673 00:42:13,247 --> 00:42:16,495 Oh, that's alright. And I don't think you're selfish running out on Berry. 674 00:42:17,030 --> 00:42:19,951 Oh, and I'm sorry that I said you were a cow in high school. 675 00:42:19,986 --> 00:42:22,859 That's okay. I was a cow. 676 00:42:29,310 --> 00:42:30,837 Okay, worst case scenario: 677 00:42:31,086 --> 00:42:34,274 Say you never feel like a father. 678 00:42:34,523 --> 00:42:38,700 Say your son never feels connected to you as one. 679 00:42:38,947 --> 00:42:42,514 Say all of his relationships are affected by this. 680 00:42:42,757 --> 00:42:45,411 Do you have a point? 681 00:42:45,653 --> 00:42:49,089 You know, you'd think I would. 682 00:42:50,671 --> 00:42:53,349 What's up with the simian? 683 00:42:53,603 --> 00:42:57,173 It's just a fur ball. 684 00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,071 Whose turn is it? 685 00:42:59,319 --> 00:43:01,425 Yours. I got 43 points for "kidney". 686 00:43:01,676 --> 00:43:04,948 No, you got zero points for "idney". 687 00:43:05,188 --> 00:43:09,049 I had a "K". Where's my "K"? 688 00:43:14,548 --> 00:43:17,407 You've got to help me! My monkey swallowed a "K"! 689 00:43:17,459 --> 00:43:19,102 You have to get that animal out of here! 690 00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:22,747 You don't understand, the animal hospital is way across town. He's choking! I don't know what else to do! 691 00:43:23,497 --> 00:43:27,176 - What's going on? - Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile. 692 00:43:28,154 --> 00:43:29,194 Excuse me. 693 00:43:29,429 --> 00:43:31,403 This hospital is for people! 694 00:43:31,453 --> 00:43:34,269 Lady, he is people! He has a name, okay? 695 00:43:34,521 --> 00:43:36,088 He watches "Jeopardy!" 696 00:43:36,336 --> 00:43:39,882 ...he touches himself when nobody's watching. 697 00:43:40,135 --> 00:43:41,581 Please have a heart. 698 00:43:41,826 --> 00:43:44,065 - I'll take a look at him. - Thank you. 699 00:43:44,311 --> 00:43:45,295 - Michael! - Rachel. 700 00:43:45,542 --> 00:43:48,848 - What? - Monica. 701 00:44:02,899 --> 00:44:04,304 Urs! 702 00:44:04,542 --> 00:44:07,478 What are you doing here? I've been trying to call you. 703 00:44:07,731 --> 00:44:08,685 Listen... 704 00:44:08,931 --> 00:44:13,931 Oh, no no no, don't say "listen". I know that "listen". I've said that "listen". 705 00:44:14,173 --> 00:44:15,788 I'm sorry. 706 00:44:16,031 --> 00:44:18,020 I don't get it. What happened? 707 00:44:18,771 --> 00:44:22,721 What about what you said under the bridge? 708 00:44:25,273 --> 00:44:27,859 Forget about what I said under the bridge. 709 00:44:28,101 --> 00:44:32,866 I was talking crazy that night. I was so drunk. 710 00:44:33,073 --> 00:44:34,575 You don't drink. 711 00:44:34,825 --> 00:44:37,077 That's right, I don't. 712 00:44:37,328 --> 00:44:40,787 But I was drunk on you. 713 00:44:41,501 --> 00:44:43,670 But it's not gonna work. 714 00:44:43,919 --> 00:44:47,593 Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe? 715 00:44:47,835 --> 00:44:52,185 If it was, would you stop hanging out with her? 716 00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,022 No, I couldn't do that. 717 00:44:57,271 --> 00:45:00,437 Then, yeah, it's because of Phoebe. 718 00:45:00,686 --> 00:45:04,990 So you know, it's either her or me. 719 00:45:06,527 --> 00:45:09,577 Then I'm sorry. 720 00:45:14,418 --> 00:45:17,379 You're gonna be really hard to get over. 721 00:45:17,627 --> 00:45:20,210 I know. 722 00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:29,306 I don't know whether it's just because we're breaking up or what... 723 00:45:29,555 --> 00:45:31,976 ...but you've never looked so beautiful. 724 00:45:32,227 --> 00:45:34,814 Really? 725 00:46:04,145 --> 00:46:06,928 Pheebs? 726 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:19,121 He looks so tiny. 727 00:46:19,243 --> 00:46:20,950 - We just got the message. - Is he okay? 728 00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:23,909 The doctor got the "K" out. 729 00:46:24,164 --> 00:46:28,043 He also found an "M" and an "O". 730 00:46:28,410 --> 00:46:32,797 We think he was trying to spell out "monkey". 731 00:46:37,596 --> 00:46:42,604 The doctor says he'll be fine. He's just sleeping now. 732 00:46:42,727 --> 00:46:44,517 So you feel like a dad yet? 733 00:46:44,773 --> 00:46:46,648 No. Why? 734 00:46:46,892 --> 00:46:50,490 Come on, you came through. You did what you had to do. 735 00:46:50,735 --> 00:46:52,817 That's very "dad". 736 00:46:53,073 --> 00:46:54,035 He's waking up. 737 00:46:54,281 --> 00:46:58,283 Hey, fella. How you doing?