How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 2

Subtitles
1 00:00:13,343 --> 00:00:14,954 Okay, where was I? 2 00:00:15,031 --> 00:00:16,433 You were telling us how you met Mom. 3 00:00:16,495 --> 00:00:18,296 In excruciating detail. 4 00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:24,042 Right. So, back in 2005, when I was 27, my two best friends got engaged, 5 00:00:24,129 --> 00:00:26,751 and it got me thinking, maybe I should get married. 6 00:00:26,878 --> 00:00:28,737 And then I saw Robin. 7 00:00:29,064 --> 00:00:30,632 She was incredible. 8 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:32,459 I just knew I had to meet her. 9 00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,504 That's where your Uncle Barney came in. 10 00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,968 I suggest we play a little game I like to call "Have you met Ted?" 11 00:00:38,044 --> 00:00:39,770 Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "Have you met Ted?" 12 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,382 Hi. Have you met Ted? 13 00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:44,297 So I asked her out. 14 00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:47,011 And I know this sound crazy, but after just one date, 15 00:00:47,104 --> 00:00:50,194 I was in love with her which made me say something stupid. 16 00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:51,813 I think I'm in love with you. 17 00:00:51,894 --> 00:00:52,729 What?! 18 00:00:52,822 --> 00:00:53,983 Oh, Dad. 19 00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:56,390 So then what happened? 20 00:00:56,913 --> 00:00:58,000 Nothing. 21 00:00:58,243 --> 00:01:00,616 I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself. 22 00:01:00,773 --> 00:01:03,839 So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her. 23 00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:05,396 So you're not gonna call her? 24 00:01:05,473 --> 00:01:08,387 You went from, "I think I'm in love with you" to "I'm not gonna call her"? 25 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,723 I wasn't in love with her, okay? 26 00:01:09,789 --> 00:01:13,180 I was briefly in love with the abstract concept of getting married. 27 00:01:13,242 --> 00:01:15,292 It had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. 28 00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:17,209 - Robin. - Hi. 29 00:01:17,291 --> 00:01:18,636 Look who I ran into. 30 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,225 Since when do you guys know each other? 31 00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:22,543 Oh, since about... here. 32 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,406 Lily recognized me from the news and... 33 00:01:25,615 --> 00:01:26,961 Hello, sailor! 34 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:28,478 They just got engaged. 35 00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:31,903 Well, I should get back to the station. 36 00:01:32,153 --> 00:01:33,470 See you, guys. 37 00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:37,453 - Nice seeing you, Ted. - Yeah, you, too. 38 00:01:39,818 --> 00:01:40,940 - Dawn it! - What? 39 00:01:40,997 --> 00:01:43,459 - I'm in love with her. - No! 40 00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:46,340 As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. 41 00:01:46,403 --> 00:01:47,791 You blew it, it's over, move on. 42 00:01:47,877 --> 00:01:52,445 I don't know, I just have this feeling she's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 43 00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:55,460 Lily, you squeaked? 44 00:01:55,685 --> 00:01:57,165 She said something about me, didn't she? 45 00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,875 Come on, spill it, Red! 46 00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:00,006 Fine. 47 00:02:00,114 --> 00:02:02,208 So, what do we think of Ted? 48 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,751 Ted's something else. 49 00:02:05,848 --> 00:02:06,794 Huh. 50 00:02:06,904 --> 00:02:08,377 I'm gonna spin that as good. 51 00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:11,022 Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. 52 00:02:11,104 --> 00:02:12,750 Comes on a little strong. 53 00:02:12,812 --> 00:02:15,249 But, that's part of my charm. 54 00:02:15,326 --> 00:02:17,092 But, that's part of his charm. 55 00:02:17,164 --> 00:02:19,490 Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, 56 00:02:19,549 --> 00:02:22,764 he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am. 57 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,607 I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. 58 00:02:26,278 --> 00:02:28,121 This just stays between us, right? 59 00:02:28,187 --> 00:02:29,330 Are you kidding? 60 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,879 This flapper? Fort Knox. 61 00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:33,497 Oops. 62 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,683 She wants casual. 63 00:02:35,929 --> 00:02:38,060 Okay, I'll be casual. 64 00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:41,121 I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual. 65 00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:42,196 You know why? 66 00:02:42,297 --> 00:02:43,450 Cause it's a game-- 67 00:02:43,522 --> 00:02:46,195 I want her to skip to the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing. 68 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:48,878 But you don't get there unless you play the game. 69 00:02:48,946 --> 00:02:50,245 So, are you going to ask her out? 70 00:02:50,317 --> 00:02:51,718 Yeah... No! 71 00:02:51,806 --> 00:02:55,610 I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out. 72 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,476 So, how do I ask her out without asking her out? 73 00:03:02,942 --> 00:03:04,781 Did you guys get high? 74 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,377 I got it. 75 00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:07,852 I don't ask her out. 76 00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:11,177 I invite her to our party next Friday. 77 00:03:11,262 --> 00:03:12,701 We're having a party next Friday? 78 00:03:12,762 --> 00:03:13,893 We are now. 79 00:03:14,016 --> 00:03:15,050 Casual. 80 00:03:15,224 --> 00:03:19,387 Yeah, cause nothing says "casual" like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. 81 00:03:19,444 --> 00:03:21,927 Oh, and Lily, that's my leg. 82 00:03:23,316 --> 00:03:25,999 You waited five minutes to tell me that? 83 00:03:27,093 --> 00:03:28,353 All right, so call her up. 84 00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:30,262 No, calling's not casual. 85 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,122 I just got to bump into her somewhere. 86 00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:35,409 Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter. 87 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,998 That's great, Ted-- you'll be the most casual stalker ever. 88 00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,359 Ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, 89 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:48,668 Lily had been, well, extra affectionate. 90 00:03:48,806 --> 00:03:50,820 Baby, no. 91 00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:54,020 I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. 92 00:03:54,077 --> 00:03:55,397 I barely started. 93 00:03:55,463 --> 00:03:57,272 Hey, I'm just sitting here, 94 00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,355 wearing my ring, 95 00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:01,869 my beautiful ring. 96 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:06,139 Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. 97 00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:07,982 Like my shirt. 98 00:04:08,562 --> 00:04:11,019 Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore. 99 00:04:12,239 --> 00:04:14,520 Or... my underwear. 100 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:17,511 That's right, I'm not wearing any. 101 00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:21,561 No underwear? 102 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,532 Not even slightly. 103 00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:24,653 Guys. 104 00:04:26,086 --> 00:04:27,644 Boundaries. 105 00:04:29,231 --> 00:04:30,289 There she is. 106 00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:31,187 Thanks, Bill. 107 00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:35,769 I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th and Columbus... 108 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,571 75th and Columbus. 109 00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:40,023 Game on! 110 00:04:40,468 --> 00:04:46,188 ...where four-year-old Leroy Ellenberg has climbed inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck. 111 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:52,664 And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. 112 00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:56,161 For Metro News 1, I'm Robin Trubotsky. 113 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,248 We're clear. 114 00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:58,641 Thanks, Don. 115 00:04:59,725 --> 00:05:00,457 Ted. 116 00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:02,983 Robin, wow! 117 00:05:03,093 --> 00:05:04,114 What are the odds? 118 00:05:04,210 --> 00:05:05,260 What are you doing here? 119 00:05:05,363 --> 00:05:08,830 Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip. 120 00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:10,162 I love dip. 121 00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:13,325 I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... as a friend, you know. 122 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,801 So, uh, hey, you, uh, reporting a news story or something? 123 00:05:16,888 --> 00:05:18,552 Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine. 124 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,523 How sweet of you to call it news. 125 00:05:20,602 --> 00:05:23,278 Wow. Kid in a crane machine. 126 00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:25,290 You just had to have that toy, didn't you? 127 00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:27,036 Couldn't play the game like everyone else. 128 00:05:27,113 --> 00:05:28,644 You're all sweaty! 129 00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:30,179 Cute kid. 130 00:05:30,559 --> 00:05:32,231 Um, you know, it's so funny I should run into you. 131 00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:35,673 We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, if you feel like swinging by. 132 00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:37,705 But, you know, whatever. 133 00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,944 Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. 134 00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:41,664 It's too bad it's not tonight. 135 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,436 It is... it's tonight. 136 00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:45,187 This Friday. Did I say next Friday? 137 00:05:45,252 --> 00:05:47,931 Sorry, I guess I've been saying next Friday all week. 138 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,086 But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight. 139 00:05:50,174 --> 00:05:52,534 But, you know, whatever. 140 00:05:58,197 --> 00:05:59,012 Hello? 141 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,012 Hey, am I interrupting anything? 142 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,199 No, no, I'm just writing my paper. 143 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,503 Hitting the books. 144 00:06:04,612 --> 00:06:07,698 Yeah, well, you and Lily might want to put some clothes on. 145 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:09,358 We're throwing a party in two hours. 146 00:06:09,424 --> 00:06:10,545 Okay, bye. 147 00:06:14,881 --> 00:06:17,284 So, Gatsby, what are you gonna do when Robin shows up? 148 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:20,147 Okay, I got it all planned out. 149 00:06:20,668 --> 00:06:23,638 She steps through the door-- and where's Ted? 150 00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,932 Not eagerly waiting by the door. 151 00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,354 No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, 152 00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:32,166 showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff. 153 00:06:32,239 --> 00:06:33,913 So, Robin strolls over, 154 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,297 and I casually give her one of these: "Hey, what's up?" 155 00:06:38,373 --> 00:06:42,294 She says, "Hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera." 156 00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:43,847 And then, I say, 157 00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:45,649 "Well, make yourself at home." 158 00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:48,445 And, I casually return to my conversation. 159 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,590 Then, an hour later... 160 00:06:51,505 --> 00:06:54,791 "Oh, you're still here?" I say, 161 00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:57,799 like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. 162 00:06:57,871 --> 00:06:59,620 And then, very casually: 163 00:07:00,313 --> 00:07:02,402 "Want to see the roof?" 164 00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:04,855 The roof! 165 00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:07,608 Get her up to the roof, and the roof takes care of the rest. 166 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,063 What's so special about the roof? 167 00:07:09,149 --> 00:07:12,821 Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. 168 00:07:12,882 --> 00:07:15,626 You can't not fall in love on that roof. 169 00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:18,688 We do it up there, sometimes. 170 00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:20,941 Solid plan, my little friend. 171 00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:21,934 We're the same height. 172 00:07:21,996 --> 00:07:25,267 But, may I suggest one little modification. 173 00:07:25,871 --> 00:07:29,394 That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have sex with her. 174 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,663 - Crazy monkey style... - That's not the plan. 175 00:07:31,739 --> 00:07:33,409 Well, it should be the plan. I mean, look at her. 176 00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:36,035 Ted, look at her. She's smoking! 177 00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,719 - Thank you! - Yeah... 178 00:07:37,776 --> 00:07:39,369 But, she's not Robin! 179 00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:40,622 Exactly! 180 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:42,174 Ted, let's rap. 181 00:07:42,486 --> 00:07:47,161 Statistic: At every New York party, there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. 182 00:07:47,202 --> 00:07:50,238 She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. 183 00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:54,728 Do you see where I'm going with this? 184 00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:56,469 Barney, I don't think so. 185 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,529 Scoping. 186 00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,483 Scoping. 187 00:07:59,818 --> 00:08:01,386 Man, you're a dork. 188 00:08:02,152 --> 00:08:03,873 Target acquired! 189 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:07,477 Now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have you met Ted?" 190 00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:08,839 Oh, come on, not this. 191 00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:10,109 Hi. Have you met Ted? 192 00:08:10,186 --> 00:08:10,812 No. 193 00:08:10,898 --> 00:08:12,019 - Hi. - Hi. 194 00:08:12,095 --> 00:08:13,950 - Do you know Marshall? Lily? - No. 195 00:08:14,032 --> 00:08:15,905 Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party? 196 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,588 I work with Carlos. 197 00:08:17,835 --> 00:08:18,808 Excuse me. 198 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,442 Anyone know a Carlos? 199 00:08:20,686 --> 00:08:21,568 - No. - No. 200 00:08:21,619 --> 00:08:23,408 On a silver platter. 201 00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:25,514 Bon appétit. 202 00:08:25,607 --> 00:08:26,953 I don't think so. 203 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,058 Your loss, her gain. 204 00:08:29,155 --> 00:08:30,081 Excuse me. 205 00:08:30,242 --> 00:08:32,648 Can I show you the roof? It's magical up there. 206 00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:33,611 - Sure. - Wait, wait. 207 00:08:33,672 --> 00:08:35,007 Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved. 208 00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:36,488 Dude, Robin's not coming. 209 00:08:36,564 --> 00:08:38,586 Hey, she's going to show up! 210 00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:42,933 She'll show up. 211 00:08:43,297 --> 00:08:44,756 She didn't show up. 212 00:08:45,949 --> 00:08:48,227 At least it was a great party. 213 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,787 I ate, like, four whole cans of dip. 214 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,691 You always know what to say, old friend. 215 00:08:58,259 --> 00:08:59,154 It's Robin. 216 00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:00,376 Answer it. 217 00:09:00,464 --> 00:09:02,733 No, no, not right away-- got to seem casual. 218 00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:05,365 Hello? 219 00:09:05,432 --> 00:09:07,586 I'm so sorry I missed your party. 220 00:09:07,725 --> 00:09:09,107 Who is this? Meredith? 221 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,659 Robin. 222 00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,244 Oh, Robin! 223 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,839 Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you? 224 00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:17,042 No, I got stuck at work. 225 00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,618 But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. 226 00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,436 Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? 227 00:09:21,513 --> 00:09:23,853 Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. 228 00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:27,550 He was in there a long time, and little kids have small bladders. 229 00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:30,351 I wish your party was tonight. 230 00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:33,970 It is-- the party's tonight. 231 00:09:34,894 --> 00:09:38,624 Yeah, uh... it's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. 232 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:43,581 Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual. 233 00:09:43,663 --> 00:09:44,599 See ya. 234 00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:49,591 So, that was Robin. 235 00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,828 What are you doing to me, man?! I got a paper to write! 236 00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:53,554 I know! Sorry! It's terrible! 237 00:09:53,918 --> 00:09:56,611 - I'll buy more dip! - Ted! Ted, wait! 238 00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,401 Get French onion! 239 00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,892 Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write. 240 00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:08,808 Okay, fine. 241 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:12,607 But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, and no cuddling after. 242 00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:15,176 I'm the luckiest girl alive. 243 00:10:18,970 --> 00:10:21,479 You were so right about the roof! 244 00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:22,770 The roof! 245 00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:26,250 The roof is on fire, Ted! 246 00:10:26,454 --> 00:10:28,625 That girl from last night-- I took her back to my place, 247 00:10:28,688 --> 00:10:31,017 then this morning, took her outside, spun her around a couple times 248 00:10:31,079 --> 00:10:35,600 and sent her walking. She will never find her way back, and there she is. 249 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,751 How did she get here? Did you invite her? 250 00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:38,887 I have no idea who that is. 251 00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:40,535 She said she works with Carlos. Who's Carlos? 252 00:10:40,597 --> 00:10:42,016 I don't know any Carlos. 253 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,503 Hi, you! 254 00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:45,477 You're back! 255 00:10:45,548 --> 00:10:46,751 I sure am. 256 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,985 Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. 257 00:10:51,077 --> 00:10:52,582 "Sweetie"? Really? 258 00:10:55,891 --> 00:10:57,735 Whoa! Whoa, rabbits! 259 00:10:57,796 --> 00:10:59,868 Come on, I got that roof reserved. 260 00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:00,869 All right. 261 00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:05,615 So, it's over between me and works-with-Carlos girl. 262 00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:06,960 Whoa! That was fast. 263 00:11:07,048 --> 00:11:12,265 Yeah. I was trying to think, what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? 264 00:11:12,577 --> 00:11:14,185 I think I'm in love with you. 265 00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,065 What?! 266 00:11:15,159 --> 00:11:16,218 Thanks, bro. 267 00:11:16,315 --> 00:11:17,759 Glad I could help. 268 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,477 What the... 269 00:11:20,564 --> 00:11:22,367 No, no, no. Come on. 270 00:11:22,531 --> 00:11:23,851 Sorry, Ted. 271 00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:28,024 Great. What am I going to do when Robin shows up? 272 00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:29,842 She'll show up. 273 00:11:30,139 --> 00:11:31,573 She didn't show up. 274 00:11:32,493 --> 00:11:34,972 All right. We threw two parties. 275 00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:36,722 Everybody had fun. 276 00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,652 Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. 277 00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:43,793 Now, the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. 278 00:11:43,856 --> 00:11:45,079 Repeat after me. 279 00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,383 I will not have sex with Marshall. 280 00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:50,241 I will not have sex with Marshall. 281 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,234 It's Robin. 282 00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:57,213 Hello? 283 00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:58,667 - Hi, Ted. - Amanda? 284 00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:02,232 Oh, Denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda. 285 00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:03,090 It's Robin. 286 00:12:03,194 --> 00:12:04,213 Oh, Robin. 287 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,426 Hi. 288 00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:10,116 I totally wanted to come. I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. 289 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,128 I'm sorry I missed your party, again. 290 00:12:12,214 --> 00:12:15,416 Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita. 291 00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:16,987 Who am I? 292 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,232 I guess there's no chance your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer? 293 00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:24,456 It did, indeed. The party continues tonight. 294 00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:29,522 Yeah. Uh, last night, people were like, "Keep it going, bro. Party trifecta." 295 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,096 Wow! Okay, well, I'll be there. 296 00:12:32,173 --> 00:12:34,118 Great! See you tonight. 297 00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,609 So, that was Robin. 298 00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:43,176 So, I threw a third party for Robin... 299 00:12:43,419 --> 00:12:45,137 on a Sunday night. 300 00:12:45,761 --> 00:12:47,589 Well, this is lame. 301 00:12:47,857 --> 00:12:48,655 Lame... 302 00:12:49,117 --> 00:12:50,460 or casual? 303 00:12:50,867 --> 00:12:51,915 Lame. 304 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,442 Or casual? 305 00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,329 Hey, law books. 306 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,638 Ready for a little 15 minute recess? 307 00:12:58,715 --> 00:13:02,386 Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here. 308 00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:09,206 Has anybody seen An Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923? 309 00:13:10,482 --> 00:13:12,293 Anybody seen a big-ass book? 310 00:13:13,132 --> 00:13:13,856 No. 311 00:13:14,608 --> 00:13:15,570 Hello, Barney. 312 00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:18,704 Of course. 313 00:13:20,419 --> 00:13:21,561 You look well. 314 00:13:22,017 --> 00:13:24,083 Is it weird they invited both of us? 315 00:13:24,683 --> 00:13:26,082 Who? 316 00:13:26,845 --> 00:13:30,670 Who invited you? No one even knows who you are! 317 00:13:31,422 --> 00:13:33,388 I understand you're hurt, but 318 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,400 you don't have to be cruel. 319 00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:37,991 Carlos was right about you. 320 00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:41,560 Who is Carlos?! 321 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,459 Hey, where the hell is my...? 322 00:13:43,761 --> 00:13:44,954 Oh...! 323 00:13:47,872 --> 00:13:48,861 Okay... 324 00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:55,968 An Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923 325 00:13:56,054 --> 00:13:57,920 is not a coaster! 326 00:13:58,016 --> 00:14:01,631 Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, 327 00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:03,955 not two, but three parties 328 00:14:04,028 --> 00:14:07,293 for some girl that you just met who's probably not even going to show up! 329 00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:08,773 I mean, where is she, Ted, huh? 330 00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,186 Where's Robin? 331 00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:13,013 Hi. 332 00:14:13,692 --> 00:14:14,712 Hi, Ron. 333 00:14:23,452 --> 00:14:26,866 So, you threw all these parties for me? 334 00:14:27,154 --> 00:14:29,663 No. Oh, you thought that... no! 335 00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,726 I... okay, yes. You got me. 336 00:14:31,897 --> 00:14:36,523 One of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you 337 00:14:36,611 --> 00:14:38,976 to, um, this guy. 338 00:14:39,058 --> 00:14:42,222 Uh, I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us 339 00:14:42,288 --> 00:14:44,112 and now we can just laugh about it... 340 00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:47,749 Anyway, Robin, this is... 341 00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:48,924 Carlos. 342 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,053 - Oh! - Oh! 343 00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:56,368 She's still talking to Carlos. 344 00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,073 I can still win this. I-it's not over. 345 00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:01,864 Okay, buddy. Time for the tough talk. 346 00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:04,807 Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. 347 00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:06,322 You want to get married. 348 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:10,869 And right now, there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you. 349 00:15:10,926 --> 00:15:12,430 But Robin ain't one of them. 350 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:15,159 She's not just one of them. She's the one. 351 00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:18,396 Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof. 352 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,424 What are you going to do? 353 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,196 Nothing. 354 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:28,138 It's a game. I got to just keep playing it. 355 00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:07,906 Ted... 356 00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:10,168 Hey, Carlos, can you give us a minute? 357 00:16:10,231 --> 00:16:12,282 Hey, no sweat, hombre. 358 00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:13,865 See ya. 359 00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:18,612 Robin... 360 00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,704 look, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos, 361 00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:23,036 or the one before that, 362 00:16:23,425 --> 00:16:24,827 or the one before that. 363 00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:28,841 I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. 364 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,340 Well, here I am. 365 00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:35,728 There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. 366 00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:37,919 You're not crazy. 367 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,088 I don't know, Ted. 368 00:16:41,141 --> 00:16:43,306 I mean, we barely know each other 369 00:16:43,521 --> 00:16:46,598 and you're looking at me with that look. And, it's like... 370 00:16:46,722 --> 00:16:47,489 Like, like what? 371 00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:50,509 Like, "Let's fall in love and get married 372 00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:52,941 and have kids and drive them to soccer practice." 373 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,558 I'm not going to force sports on them unless they're interested. 374 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,569 It's a great look. 375 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,749 But you're looking at the wrong girl. 376 00:17:00,817 --> 00:17:02,473 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 377 00:17:02,557 --> 00:17:05,168 I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. 378 00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:11,644 And, if we got together, I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart, and... 379 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,326 I just couldn't do either of those things. 380 00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:18,399 Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. 381 00:17:21,772 --> 00:17:22,908 Click. 382 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,634 Off. Let's make out. 383 00:17:24,799 --> 00:17:25,767 What? 384 00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:28,762 What? That was the off switch. 385 00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:30,353 And I turned it off. 386 00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:34,583 I mean, look, sure, yes, I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. 387 00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:38,858 But, on the other hand... you, me, 388 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,926 the roof. 389 00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:43,820 There's no off switch. 390 00:17:44,732 --> 00:17:46,322 There is an off switch. 391 00:17:47,136 --> 00:17:48,474 And it's off. 392 00:17:48,975 --> 00:17:50,245 No, it's not. 393 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:52,805 Yes, it is. 394 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,721 No, it's not. 395 00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:57,839 Yes... it is. 396 00:18:12,055 --> 00:18:13,362 No, it's not. 397 00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:16,639 You're right. There's no off switch. 398 00:18:17,995 --> 00:18:20,111 God, I wish there was an off switch! 399 00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:22,170 Me, too. 400 00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:29,412 So, um... 401 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,244 What do we do now? 402 00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,356 We could be friends. 403 00:18:36,627 --> 00:18:37,831 Oh... 404 00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:43,924 Look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that, but... 405 00:18:44,526 --> 00:18:45,638 we could. 406 00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:47,964 I don't know, Robin. 407 00:18:48,133 --> 00:18:49,853 I've made such a jackass of myself here. 408 00:18:49,914 --> 00:18:54,200 We start hanging out, every time I see you it'll be like, "Oh, that's right. I'm a jackass." 409 00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:55,950 You're not a jackass. 410 00:18:56,591 --> 00:18:58,879 Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April 411 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,455 and I'm always working and 412 00:19:01,737 --> 00:19:04,864 I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. 413 00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:07,655 But I understand. 414 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,829 Well, uh, maybe in a few months, after it's not so fresh, 415 00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:17,844 we could all, uh, you know, get a beer. 416 00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:19,462 Yeah. 417 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,832 That sounds good. 418 00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,731 I'll see you, Ted. 419 00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:31,924 Or, you know, now. 420 00:19:35,621 --> 00:19:38,170 We could all get a beer now. 421 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,493 I'd like that. 422 00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:49,317 My friends are going to love you... like you, you know, as a friend. 423 00:19:50,685 --> 00:19:51,948 Jackass. 424 00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:56,116 Unbelievable. 425 00:19:56,669 --> 00:19:59,773 That's just a recipe for disaster. They work together! 426 00:19:59,849 --> 00:20:00,739 Are you jealous? 427 00:20:00,821 --> 00:20:04,116 Oh, please. What does Carlos have that I don't? 428 00:20:04,123 --> 00:20:06,423 - A date tonight. - Oh! 429 00:20:06,495 --> 00:20:08,420 Stop the tape. Rewind. Play it again. 430 00:20:08,699 --> 00:20:11,435 - A date tonight. - Oh! 431 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,895 I'm not sure I like her. 432 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,361 Hey, don't you have a paper to write? 433 00:20:15,435 --> 00:20:17,952 - Dude, you're talking to the kid. - I know it. 434 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,607 I'm going to knock back this beer. 435 00:20:19,679 --> 00:20:21,552 I'm going to knock back one more beer. 436 00:20:21,615 --> 00:20:24,547 I'm going to go home. I'm going to write a 25-page paper. 437 00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:26,836 I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "A." 438 00:20:26,908 --> 00:20:30,308 My name is Rufus and that's the trufus. 439 00:20:30,742 --> 00:20:32,125 He got a B-minus. 440 00:20:32,202 --> 00:20:35,177 But still, 25 pages in one night, B-minus? 441 00:20:35,228 --> 00:20:36,576 The kid was good. 442 00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,855 At least let me buy you a beer. 443 00:20:38,935 --> 00:20:40,532 Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer. 444 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:41,669 I'll help carry. 445 00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,290 - You know something Ted? - What? 446 00:20:48,335 --> 00:20:49,574 You are a catch. 447 00:20:49,677 --> 00:20:52,195 You're going to make some girl very happy. 448 00:20:52,386 --> 00:20:55,186 And I am going to help you find her. 449 00:20:55,529 --> 00:20:57,188 Well, good luck. 450 00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,412 I mean, maybe New York's just too big a town. 451 00:20:59,461 --> 00:21:01,515 I mean, there's millions of people in this city. 452 00:21:01,632 --> 00:21:04,730 How, in all this mess, is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? 453 00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,361 I mean, where do you even begin? 454 00:21:09,946 --> 00:21:12,348 Hi. Have you met Ted?