How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 3

Subtitles
1 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:16,476 So there was this one night before I met your mother, 2 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,538 when I really wanted to go to the bar. 3 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,190 The bar... big surprise. 4 00:00:21,236 --> 00:00:23,054 You sure spent a lot of time in bars. 5 00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:25,326 Well, that's just we did back then. 6 00:00:25,409 --> 00:00:27,769 Me, Marshall and Lily, 7 00:00:27,841 --> 00:00:29,613 Barney, Robin-- 8 00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:32,843 we all used to hang out at this one bar called McClaren's. 9 00:00:33,489 --> 00:00:34,922 But then, one night... 10 00:00:35,004 --> 00:00:36,120 Why don't we go to McClaren's? 11 00:00:36,176 --> 00:00:37,364 Let's go to McClaren's. 12 00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:38,941 You guys talking to each other? 13 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,465 Nobody's listening? 14 00:00:41,639 --> 00:00:42,864 What's wrong with McClaren's? 15 00:00:42,996 --> 00:00:44,937 McClaren's is bore-snore. 16 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,785 Ted, tonight we're going to go out. 17 00:00:46,852 --> 00:00:48,343 We're going to meet some ladies. 18 00:00:48,434 --> 00:00:50,509 It's going to be legendary. 19 00:00:50,578 --> 00:00:51,465 Phone five. 20 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,670 I had no idea why I hung out with Barney. 21 00:00:56,395 --> 00:00:57,829 You didn't phone five, did you? 22 00:00:58,295 --> 00:01:00,328 I know when you don't phone five, Ted. 23 00:01:00,859 --> 00:01:01,817 Come on. 24 00:01:02,119 --> 00:01:03,875 We always to go to McClaren's. 25 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,894 Yeah, 'cause McClaren's is fun. 26 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:08,229 McClaren's is this much fun. 27 00:01:08,305 --> 00:01:10,425 What I'm offering is the chance to have... 28 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,458 this much fun. 29 00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:13,399 See, you say that. 30 00:01:13,460 --> 00:01:15,222 You say it's going to be this much fun, 31 00:01:15,304 --> 00:01:17,889 but most of the time it ends up being this much fun. 32 00:01:18,186 --> 00:01:19,466 This much fun is good. 33 00:01:19,553 --> 00:01:21,253 It's safe. It's guaranteed. 34 00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:23,727 This hand gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it? 35 00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:24,740 No, it doesn't. 36 00:01:25,851 --> 00:01:26,829 Get in the cab. 37 00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:28,093 Marshall, you, too. 38 00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,310 Oh, I wish I could. I think Lily and I are just going to... 39 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,943 I understand. Ted, get in the cab. 40 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,121 Why can Marshall say no? 41 00:01:33,213 --> 00:01:35,265 Uh, because he's getting laid. 42 00:01:35,876 --> 00:01:36,998 Consistently. 43 00:01:37,945 --> 00:01:39,522 Ted, Ted, Ted... right here. 44 00:01:39,844 --> 00:01:42,891 You keep going to the same bar. You're in a rut. 45 00:01:42,962 --> 00:01:44,437 And I am a rut-buster. 46 00:01:44,498 --> 00:01:46,377 I'm going to bust your rut. 47 00:01:46,577 --> 00:01:47,826 It's not a rut, okay? 48 00:01:47,882 --> 00:01:49,885 It's a routine, and I like it. 49 00:01:50,389 --> 00:01:53,545 Ted, what's the first syllable in "rut-tine"? 50 00:02:01,932 --> 00:02:03,043 Peace out, suckers. 51 00:02:06,004 --> 00:02:07,795 All right, so what's this legendary plan? 52 00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,535 First we've got to pick someone up at the airport. 53 00:02:09,642 --> 00:02:11,747 - Okay, I'm out of here. - Estaban, doors. 54 00:02:16,205 --> 00:02:19,765 Okay, we just do this one little thing, and the rest of the night is ours. 55 00:02:19,842 --> 00:02:22,370 Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up? 56 00:02:22,432 --> 00:02:23,145 I don't know. 57 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,154 Maybe her. 58 00:02:24,225 --> 00:02:25,300 Or her. 59 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:29,911 Wait, so when you said you were going to pick someone up at the airport, 60 00:02:29,964 --> 00:02:34,044 you meant you were going to "pick someone up" at the airport? 61 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,913 Scenario: a couple of girls fly into town looking for a fun weekend in NYC, 62 00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:42,001 when the meet two handsome international businessmen 63 00:02:42,063 --> 00:02:44,731 just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. 64 00:02:45,447 --> 00:02:46,646 Sample dialogue: 65 00:02:46,722 --> 00:02:49,993 "You have a wheelie bag? Well, I have a wheelie bag." 66 00:02:50,051 --> 00:02:51,135 You've got to be kidding me. 67 00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:51,986 False. 68 00:02:52,134 --> 00:02:54,694 Sidebar... tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy. 69 00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:56,245 I'm sketchy? 70 00:02:56,321 --> 00:02:58,380 Trust me, it's going to be legendary. 71 00:02:58,606 --> 00:02:59,945 Don't say "legendary," okay? 72 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,584 You're too liberal with the word "legendary." 73 00:03:02,851 --> 00:03:04,560 We're building an igloo in Central Park. 74 00:03:04,627 --> 00:03:07,591 It's going to be legendary. Snowsuit up! 75 00:03:09,296 --> 00:03:11,765 Ted, Ted, Ted... right here. 76 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,800 This is happening. Now you can either put the bags on the carousel now, 77 00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,227 or you can listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you 78 00:03:17,274 --> 00:03:19,434 to put the bags on the carousel. Your move. 79 00:03:22,061 --> 00:03:25,322 Ted, since the dawn of time-- mankind has struggled... 80 00:03:27,545 --> 00:03:30,023 That night, Marshall had a ton of studying to do. 81 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,471 So Lily went out with Robin-- 82 00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:33,832 who was new to New York and looking for a friend. 83 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:37,124 I'm so glad we finally get to hang out, just the two of us. 84 00:03:37,191 --> 00:03:37,809 Yeah. 85 00:03:37,876 --> 00:03:42,249 You sure you're okay giving up your Friday night to hang with an old, almost married lady? 86 00:03:42,316 --> 00:03:44,722 Oh, please. I'm so sick of the meat market scene. 87 00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:46,248 Guys are like the subway. 88 00:03:46,304 --> 00:03:48,751 You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes. 89 00:03:48,819 --> 00:03:51,931 Unless it's the end of the night and then you get on anything. 90 00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:52,914 Hey-oh! 91 00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:56,217 Compliments of that guy. 92 00:03:58,091 --> 00:03:59,001 Really? 93 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,277 Sweet. 94 00:04:00,599 --> 00:04:02,299 Oh, for you it's $6. 95 00:04:03,379 --> 00:04:06,426 Oh, yes, that's one drawback to being engaged. 96 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:07,957 I'm sure that's why he didn't... 97 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:08,766 Hey. 98 00:04:09,786 --> 00:04:10,864 Oh, hello. 99 00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:18,478 So, uh... did you just get in from Detroit? 100 00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:22,037 Japan. 101 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,397 Okay, carousel 4 is tapped out. 102 00:04:29,455 --> 00:04:31,442 Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. 103 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,957 Cute girls are not from Buffalo. 104 00:04:35,181 --> 00:04:36,500 Time-out, 10:00. 105 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,132 You ready to rock this, Tedder? 106 00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,884 All right, I think we need to refine our back story first. How did we...? 107 00:04:41,945 --> 00:04:44,416 Ted, you klutzy great guy you. 108 00:04:46,592 --> 00:04:49,025 - Hey, I'm Barney. - Hi. 109 00:04:49,095 --> 00:04:51,344 - My God, are you okay? - I am so sorry. 110 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:55,348 It's fine. No, you were shaky on your landing. I give you a 9.2. 111 00:04:55,533 --> 00:04:57,293 Ooh. Hi. I'm Ted. 112 00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:58,285 I'm Laura. 113 00:04:58,348 --> 00:05:01,302 Look, I'm really sorry that we have to hit and run, but we've got a plane to catch. 114 00:05:01,362 --> 00:05:03,182 - Where you headed? - Philadelphia. 115 00:05:03,268 --> 00:05:05,305 Philly? That's where we're headed. 116 00:05:05,328 --> 00:05:06,330 You are? 117 00:05:07,076 --> 00:05:09,054 Well, then we'll see you on the plane. 118 00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:10,268 Yes, you will. 119 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:13,983 Follow them. Ticket's on me. 120 00:05:14,027 --> 00:05:15,295 No. Barney! 121 00:05:15,367 --> 00:05:17,138 Don't you get on that escalator! 122 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:21,019 And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator! 123 00:05:25,766 --> 00:05:28,228 Studying law. 124 00:05:30,425 --> 00:05:35,275 Making a responsible choice for my future. 125 00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:38,724 On Friday night. 126 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:44,991 Being a lawyer had better be awesome. 127 00:05:48,422 --> 00:05:50,443 Whazzup, Ted? 128 00:05:51,262 --> 00:05:52,245 Are you all right? 129 00:05:52,492 --> 00:05:53,195 Yeah. 130 00:05:53,490 --> 00:05:55,426 Hey, guess where I am. I'm on a... ready? 131 00:05:55,497 --> 00:05:57,668 Plane to... ready? Philadelphia. 132 00:05:57,807 --> 00:05:59,353 That is awesome. 133 00:05:59,419 --> 00:06:00,327 Hey, is that Marshall? 134 00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:03,286 Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass Fiero of yours 135 00:06:03,331 --> 00:06:06,045 and come meet us in Philly. It's going to be legendary. 136 00:06:06,137 --> 00:06:07,791 Man, I wish I could, guys... 137 00:06:07,873 --> 00:06:10,861 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sent you some pictures on my phone. Check it. 138 00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:17,268 Philly. 139 00:06:18,518 --> 00:06:20,196 Admit it: you're having fun. 140 00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:24,515 This much fu... 35,000 feet of fun. 141 00:06:24,529 --> 00:06:27,913 Well, I didn't think I'd be flying to Philadelphia when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that. 142 00:06:27,975 --> 00:06:30,146 Attaboy. Let's go talk to those girls. 143 00:06:30,217 --> 00:06:31,911 Whoa, whoa, the seat belt sign's on. 144 00:06:32,102 --> 00:06:36,295 Ted, you've been living your whole life in a seat belt. 145 00:06:36,387 --> 00:06:38,081 It's time to unclick. 146 00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:44,132 - Sir, the seat belt light's on. - Sorry, sorry, sorry. 147 00:06:46,713 --> 00:06:48,218 Well, I grew up in Park Slope. 148 00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:50,917 Oh, I love Park Slope. When did you move to Manhattan? 149 00:06:50,955 --> 00:06:52,263 You're from Park Slope? 150 00:06:52,351 --> 00:06:53,549 Uh, no, she is. 151 00:06:54,271 --> 00:06:55,602 So where are you from? 152 00:06:55,659 --> 00:06:56,642 Heaven? 153 00:06:56,975 --> 00:06:58,699 Yeah, I'm a ghost. 154 00:06:58,727 --> 00:07:01,598 I died 15 years ago, like that pickup line. 155 00:07:01,787 --> 00:07:02,810 Hey-oh! 156 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:04,943 God, I'm so sorry. 157 00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,446 Oh, believe me, I've been there. 158 00:07:06,518 --> 00:07:08,750 I have this line that I use when guys come... 159 00:07:08,853 --> 00:07:09,784 Check it out. 160 00:07:10,584 --> 00:07:11,628 Hey... 161 00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:15,703 You take this one. I'll save it for the next one. 162 00:07:18,758 --> 00:07:20,323 So what brings you guys to Philly? 163 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,638 We're visiting our boyfriends. 164 00:07:21,721 --> 00:07:24,003 I think hers is going to propose this weekend. 165 00:07:24,495 --> 00:07:25,934 Isn't that great? 166 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:28,908 So great. 167 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:34,668 So there we were: 168 00:07:34,762 --> 00:07:38,560 stuck on an airplane to Philadelphia with two very un-single girls, 169 00:07:38,637 --> 00:07:40,613 all thanks to your Uncle Barney. 170 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:41,821 Aren't they cute? 171 00:07:42,077 --> 00:07:44,182 They're both linebackers for the Eagles. 172 00:07:44,428 --> 00:07:45,513 Both? 173 00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:49,261 Both of their boyfriends are linebackers. 174 00:07:51,544 --> 00:07:53,325 You're going to Philly? Why? 175 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,004 I didn't ask. 176 00:07:56,915 --> 00:07:59,957 Well, it's sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. 177 00:08:00,058 --> 00:08:03,340 I'm just talking to guy's backs while they hit on Robin. 178 00:08:03,428 --> 00:08:05,543 Yeah, I bet she gets that a lot. 179 00:08:05,936 --> 00:08:07,975 Don't you bet I get that a lot? 180 00:08:08,107 --> 00:08:09,392 Not with a ring on your finger. 181 00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:13,580 I mean, you know, guys see the ring, it's like ka-chong, Marshall parking only. 182 00:08:13,822 --> 00:08:16,336 Oh, of course. That's it, the ring. 183 00:08:16,473 --> 00:08:18,056 I guess I'm not used to it yet. 184 00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:20,683 Oh, it's totally the ring. If you took that ring off your finger, 185 00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:23,059 you'd have a ton of guys crowding your junk. 186 00:08:23,528 --> 00:08:25,183 I'm not gonna take off my ring. 187 00:08:25,449 --> 00:08:29,253 Wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax? 188 00:08:29,524 --> 00:08:32,730 Oh, yeah, you know me-- I'm the jealous type. 189 00:08:32,802 --> 00:08:35,843 Any goon so much as looks at you, I'll sock him in the kisser. 190 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:38,004 No. Seriously, you girls have a good time tonight. 191 00:08:38,311 --> 00:08:39,222 Bye. 192 00:08:46,642 --> 00:08:47,490 Robin! 193 00:08:47,757 --> 00:08:48,545 Robin! 194 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:50,660 Hey, I'm over here. 195 00:08:52,729 --> 00:08:55,196 G-G-Goin' to Philly! 196 00:08:55,255 --> 00:08:57,014 Marshall, don't come to Philly. 197 00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:58,909 But we're on an adventure. 198 00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:03,266 We're on a tarmac in Philadelphia. Crazy... adventure. 199 00:09:03,645 --> 00:09:04,673 Fine. 200 00:09:06,036 --> 00:09:08,023 No! No! 201 00:09:08,105 --> 00:09:09,600 The night has just started. 202 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,363 Look, airport bar. Flight attendants. 203 00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:15,026 They'll get your tray table in its full upright position. 204 00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:16,505 Say what?! 205 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:20,167 Passengers Mosby and Stenson, please come with us, gentlemen. 206 00:09:20,239 --> 00:09:21,621 Keep your hands where I can see them. 207 00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,977 Barney, I am going to kill you. 208 00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:27,141 Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. 209 00:09:27,197 --> 00:09:28,650 Not cool, not cool. 210 00:09:30,817 --> 00:09:33,116 This is an outrage! 211 00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:37,934 We are international businessmen on very important international business trip. 212 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,340 I demand you release us immediately! 213 00:09:40,411 --> 00:09:42,250 You demand?! No, no, no, no, no. 214 00:09:42,321 --> 00:09:44,723 He does not demand. We-We-We-We have no demands. 215 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,879 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to remain calm. 216 00:09:46,935 --> 00:09:48,859 Okay. Yeah, I'm calm. I'm totally calm. 217 00:09:49,346 --> 00:09:53,423 We've got footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel 3, 218 00:09:53,479 --> 00:09:57,876 and abandoning them to purchase a last-minute flight with cash. 219 00:09:57,903 --> 00:09:59,356 Those bags were your responsibility. 220 00:09:59,428 --> 00:10:01,875 - They were your bags! - Sir, please. 221 00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:04,579 We're assessing the bag situation. 222 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,148 Look, this is all just... It's a misunderstanding. 223 00:10:11,189 --> 00:10:12,212 Please. 224 00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,944 We are international businessmen. 225 00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,741 My colleague accidentally left the bags there. 226 00:10:18,797 --> 00:10:23,251 Now, please let us go before we miss our international business meeting. 227 00:10:24,961 --> 00:10:29,815 Can't remember the last time I saw an international businessman with an untucked shirt. 228 00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:34,945 In addition, we received this footage taken over the last few months. 229 00:11:01,042 --> 00:11:03,822 Believe it or not, that duffel bag thing worked. 230 00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:07,288 The truth is, my friend-- 231 00:11:07,356 --> 00:11:09,505 he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage 232 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:12,439 to pick up girls, and we followed some here to Philadelphia. 233 00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:14,974 That-That-That's it. That's all this is. 234 00:11:15,752 --> 00:11:17,574 Nobody's that lame. 235 00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,772 Yes, he's that lame. 236 00:11:19,858 --> 00:11:21,421 Tell him you're that lame. 237 00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:26,586 - We are international businessmen. - Oh, come on! 238 00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:29,837 Sir, lower your voice, or I will restrain you. 239 00:11:29,904 --> 00:11:31,927 Dude, seriously, relax. 240 00:11:32,766 --> 00:11:34,272 We at least get to call our lawyer. 241 00:11:34,324 --> 00:11:35,516 Exactly! 242 00:11:36,453 --> 00:11:37,609 We have a lawyer? 243 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:41,118 Listen to me-- you're both American citizens. 244 00:11:41,184 --> 00:11:43,421 Dot let him pull any Patriot Act voodoo. 245 00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:46,733 You both retain the right to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present, 246 00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:49,003 so don't say anything until I get there, all right? 247 00:11:49,089 --> 00:11:50,231 Okay. Good-bye. 248 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,463 Philly! 249 00:11:52,734 --> 00:11:55,715 The adventure continues! 250 00:11:55,857 --> 00:11:57,608 Destroy! 251 00:12:01,325 --> 00:12:03,666 It's ridiculous in here. Why don't we go somewhere else? 252 00:12:03,737 --> 00:12:07,082 No, this place is great. 253 00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:10,881 What are you doing? 254 00:12:11,157 --> 00:12:11,965 What? 255 00:12:12,104 --> 00:12:14,142 With your lips and everything? 256 00:12:14,822 --> 00:12:17,102 My lips are always like this. 257 00:12:25,771 --> 00:12:29,113 You had to play the race card. 258 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:32,431 Oh, relax, Ted. We didn't do anything wrong. 259 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:36,978 And, B.T.W., we'd be out of here by now if you had tucked in your shirt. 260 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,086 Go ahead, JFK. What is the baggage status? 261 00:12:40,146 --> 00:12:41,095 They're clean. 262 00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:42,834 It's just a whole bunch of condoms. 263 00:12:43,547 --> 00:12:44,815 And a PowerBar. 264 00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,113 You're free to go. 265 00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:51,299 Don't come to Philly. 266 00:12:51,549 --> 00:12:52,942 Man, I'm almost halfway there. 267 00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:55,230 Yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. 268 00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:57,500 Uh, meet us at McClaren's. Maybe we can still make last call. 269 00:12:57,591 --> 00:12:58,864 Can't we just, just... 270 00:12:58,906 --> 00:13:00,429 No, we can't just. 271 00:13:00,470 --> 00:13:01,508 We're going home. 272 00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:03,312 We're going to Sasha's. 273 00:13:03,832 --> 00:13:04,729 Who the hell is Sasha? 274 00:13:04,861 --> 00:13:06,326 Sasha. 275 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:09,311 She's having friends over for drinks at her house. 276 00:13:09,378 --> 00:13:12,214 It's gonna be legen... wait for it-- 277 00:13:12,286 --> 00:13:15,926 and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is... dary! 278 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:17,882 - No. - Legendary. 279 00:13:17,946 --> 00:13:19,705 Legendary. That sounds awesome. 280 00:13:19,817 --> 00:13:21,579 No, Marshall, we're going back. 281 00:13:21,859 --> 00:13:22,726 Fine. 282 00:13:22,978 --> 00:13:24,578 Hold on. I have another call. 283 00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:27,662 - Hello? - Marshall, we're going to Sasha's. 284 00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:28,800 No, we're not. 285 00:13:29,094 --> 00:13:31,362 - Ted, Ted, Ted. - Right here. 286 00:13:31,449 --> 00:13:32,516 Yes, we are. 287 00:13:32,699 --> 00:13:35,004 Sorry, buddy-- two against one. 288 00:13:37,328 --> 00:13:38,726 Ooh, look, a booth opened up. 289 00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:39,622 Really? 290 00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:41,348 Yeah, I thought we could finally go talk... 291 00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,625 and you're not listening to me, so I'm going to walk away. 292 00:13:43,641 --> 00:13:44,896 Yeah, yeah, booth. 293 00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:51,516 - Hey. - Hey. 294 00:13:52,642 --> 00:13:54,880 I'm engaged. You know, I'm sorry. 295 00:13:54,907 --> 00:13:59,688 I took my ring off. It's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but I just... 296 00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:01,106 Yeah, I'm gay. 297 00:14:01,751 --> 00:14:04,639 I just came over to let you know that you sat on a grape. 298 00:14:06,252 --> 00:14:08,709 Oh, damn it. 299 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:16,916 So Barney and I hit the town. Philadelphia, PA. 300 00:14:16,959 --> 00:14:18,734 Our first and only stop: 301 00:14:18,954 --> 00:14:20,214 Sasha's party. 302 00:14:24,605 --> 00:14:27,622 So, uh... you're Sasha's friends, uh? 303 00:14:27,645 --> 00:14:28,636 You know it. 304 00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:33,269 You guys, keep the volume down. 305 00:14:33,425 --> 00:14:35,195 You're gonna wake my grandpa. 306 00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:39,571 Who wants hard lemonade? 307 00:14:46,926 --> 00:14:47,693 Philly! 308 00:14:47,857 --> 00:14:48,800 Shh! 309 00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:50,545 Philly. 310 00:14:55,368 --> 00:14:59,367 Back at the bar, girls' night out wasn't going as Robin had hoped. 311 00:15:04,882 --> 00:15:06,019 Lily's phone. 312 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,061 Robin, uh, where's Lily? 313 00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:09,827 She's, uh... 314 00:15:10,303 --> 00:15:12,346 Is she talking to some hot guy? 315 00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:15,408 Oh, you can tell me. It's totally cool. It was my idea. 316 00:15:15,489 --> 00:15:17,409 Hell, I told her she could take the ring off. 317 00:15:17,508 --> 00:15:20,333 Really? Well, I thought it was kind of weird, but if you're cool with it, 318 00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:22,966 yeah, uh, it's off, and she's talking to some guy. 319 00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:25,664 - Do you want me to go over and... - No, no, don't interrupt. 320 00:15:25,729 --> 00:15:26,718 It's awesome. 321 00:15:28,106 --> 00:15:30,462 So, the ring's really off, huh? 322 00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,469 It's awesome. 323 00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:36,251 Well, just tell her I called. 324 00:15:36,415 --> 00:15:40,531 And tell her that she is... awesome. 325 00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:47,797 Really, really awesome. 326 00:15:49,559 --> 00:15:53,963 Our relationship is built on mutual trust. 327 00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:56,768 I can't breathe. 328 00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:59,803 You hear that, Ted? 329 00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:02,073 Dana works security at the Liberty Bell. 330 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,096 I do okay. 331 00:16:04,058 --> 00:16:06,158 Wow, it must be really well cordoned off over there. 332 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,636 Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it? 333 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,060 Only all the time. 334 00:16:10,811 --> 00:16:12,620 You ever, like, stick your head inside it? 335 00:16:13,054 --> 00:16:13,833 Yeah. 336 00:16:14,901 --> 00:16:16,132 You ever lick it? 337 00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:17,867 Nope. 338 00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:20,489 I have never licked it. 339 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:26,017 I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell. 340 00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:30,288 If someone were to pull that off, I dare say it would be... 341 00:16:30,336 --> 00:16:31,764 what's the word? 342 00:16:32,153 --> 00:16:33,744 Well, this is my stop. 343 00:16:33,863 --> 00:16:35,727 Legendary. Ted, legendary. 344 00:16:35,748 --> 00:16:38,159 Barney, I'm going to the airport. Sasha, thank you, 345 00:16:38,251 --> 00:16:41,743 and, uh, tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom. 346 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,038 I'll get some club soda for that stain. 347 00:16:49,191 --> 00:16:51,527 Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out. 348 00:16:51,539 --> 00:16:52,606 What are you doing? 349 00:16:52,786 --> 00:16:56,611 Just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy. 350 00:16:56,685 --> 00:17:00,153 - Dude, I think that guy is gay. - Oh, I know that guy is gay. 351 00:17:00,548 --> 00:17:03,222 It's just, Marshall and I have been together for nine years. 352 00:17:03,292 --> 00:17:05,647 I haven't been single since high school. 353 00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:07,179 You want to be single? 354 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,298 You want to fight off loser guys all night? 355 00:17:09,365 --> 00:17:10,676 Does that seem like fun to you? 356 00:17:10,752 --> 00:17:13,758 I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean 357 00:17:13,845 --> 00:17:16,707 and see how many fish I could catch. 358 00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:19,702 So far, one. One gay dolphin. 359 00:17:20,132 --> 00:17:21,447 And Marshall. 360 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,703 Lily, all these girls here tonight are all hoping to catch what you've already got. 361 00:17:26,322 --> 00:17:28,063 You're right. I know. 362 00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:32,847 Hey, do you want to go get coffee and have an actual conversation? 363 00:17:32,937 --> 00:17:36,536 If by "coffee" you mean "cheesecake," then yes. 364 00:17:36,941 --> 00:17:38,800 Hey, I got that club soda. 365 00:17:38,888 --> 00:17:39,957 Let's see that booty. 366 00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,019 Oh, thank you so much. 367 00:17:46,224 --> 00:17:47,663 You want to mess, pal? 368 00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:50,258 That's my fiancée's hot backside that you're dabbing. 369 00:17:50,341 --> 00:17:51,835 Marshall, no. 370 00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:55,987 Baby, please, don't ever take that ring off again, no matter how awesome I say that it is. 371 00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,960 - It's okay, man... - Back off, hombre! 372 00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,817 I'm not that afraid to fight you. 373 00:17:59,915 --> 00:18:02,850 You want to test this guy, be my guest, come on. 374 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,523 Marshall, he's gay. 375 00:18:04,559 --> 00:18:07,048 Oh, thank God. I've never been in a fight before. 376 00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,096 You don't say. 377 00:18:09,848 --> 00:18:12,945 So, it turned out Uncle Marshall really was the jealous type. 378 00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:15,384 Unfortunately, that guy's boyfriend-- 379 00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:17,128 also the jealous type. 380 00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:19,689 Hey! 381 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:30,323 Could have licked the Liberty Bell. 382 00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:32,704 We're going to the airport. 383 00:18:34,169 --> 00:18:35,351 Bong... 384 00:18:36,642 --> 00:18:37,798 bong... 385 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:41,735 Why do I hang out with you? Why? 386 00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:44,812 All I wanted was to have a regular beer at my regular bar 387 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,649 with my regular friends in my regular city. 388 00:18:47,772 --> 00:18:49,349 Ted, Ted, Ted. 389 00:18:50,174 --> 00:18:51,565 You're not even looking. 390 00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:52,872 No, I'm not. 391 00:18:53,276 --> 00:18:57,716 Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay? 392 00:18:57,772 --> 00:19:00,742 Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. 393 00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:04,376 Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, 394 00:19:04,437 --> 00:19:09,318 talk to the same people every day, or you can lick the Liberty Bell. 395 00:19:09,384 --> 00:19:14,602 You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it. 396 00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:17,715 That was beautiful, man. 397 00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:19,967 Thanks, Leonard. 398 00:19:20,674 --> 00:19:23,433 Ted, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson here. 399 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,492 Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay? 400 00:19:25,563 --> 00:19:27,137 I know how to live. 401 00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:30,232 If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself. 402 00:19:30,244 --> 00:19:31,785 No, it has to be the two of us. 403 00:19:31,815 --> 00:19:33,540 Why? Why do you need me? 404 00:19:33,552 --> 00:19:35,871 Because you're my best friend, all right? 405 00:19:36,655 --> 00:19:38,804 You don't have to tell me I'm yours, 406 00:19:39,039 --> 00:19:41,292 but the way I see it, we're a team. 407 00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:43,013 Without you, I'm... 408 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,141 I'm just the Dynamic Uno. 409 00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:52,782 So, fine, if you wanto go home, then we'll go home. 410 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,446 Fine. 411 00:19:57,836 --> 00:20:00,334 We'll go lick the Liberty Bell. 412 00:20:00,581 --> 00:20:01,809 Good 'cause we're here. 413 00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:07,574 I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing, but we got out, 414 00:20:07,645 --> 00:20:11,747 Dana let us in, and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. 415 00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:13,360 You know what it tastes like? 416 00:20:13,415 --> 00:20:14,343 What? 417 00:20:16,105 --> 00:20:16,975 Freedom. 418 00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:19,975 No, actually, it tastes like pennies. 419 00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:21,727 Oh, my God. 420 00:20:21,849 --> 00:20:23,508 Did you guys really do that? 421 00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:25,038 We really did. 422 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,290 And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. 423 00:20:28,383 --> 00:20:30,517 I never got where I thought I wanted to go, 424 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:32,509 but I always got a great story. 425 00:20:36,226 --> 00:20:39,394 So, that girl you were talking to-- that was Mom? 426 00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:43,318 Kids, every story in a man's life is like a dot in an Impressionist painting... 427 00:20:43,399 --> 00:20:44,624 So that's a no? 428 00:20:44,885 --> 00:20:46,416 Yeah, that's a no. 429 00:20:47,435 --> 00:20:49,301 What? Come on!