How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 14

Subtitles
1 00:00:13,542 --> 00:00:15,173 When you meet someone special, 2 00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:17,151 suddenly life is full of firsts. 3 00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:18,551 The first kiss. 4 00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:20,205 The first night together. 5 00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:22,173 The first weekend together. 6 00:00:22,799 --> 00:00:27,720 For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria. 7 00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:31,052 They have to come out soon, it's Monday. 8 00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:33,601 Do you think they've been in there the whole time? 9 00:00:33,691 --> 00:00:36,636 I don't know whether to be proud or concerned. 10 00:00:36,991 --> 00:00:39,067 Maybe they're not even in there. 11 00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:42,972 Good morning. 12 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,143 Hey, guys. 13 00:00:44,413 --> 00:00:45,657 I'm just going to ignore that. 14 00:00:45,765 --> 00:00:46,826 Thank you! 15 00:00:47,611 --> 00:00:48,570 I wish you could stay. 16 00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:49,804 I know, me, too. 17 00:00:49,901 --> 00:00:51,834 But I have to go to work, and you have that meeting. 18 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:52,721 Call you afterwards? 19 00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,156 I'll inappropriately text you during. 20 00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:57,915 - Bye. - Bye. 21 00:00:58,009 --> 00:00:58,683 Bye. 22 00:00:58,750 --> 00:00:59,946 Oh, Victoria, you're here... 23 00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:01,076 Toot-a-loo! 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,244 Bye. 25 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,224 Two days straight?! 26 00:01:05,317 --> 00:01:07,915 Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage! 27 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,947 Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, 28 00:01:09,972 --> 00:01:12,361 but I know my boy got to double digits. 29 00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:13,344 Zero. 30 00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:14,214 - What? - What? 31 00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:15,976 Guys, we just met. 32 00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:18,752 And we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick, 33 00:01:18,838 --> 00:01:21,256 so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow. 34 00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:23,324 - Her idea. - Totally her idea! 35 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,842 But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl, 36 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:30,043 and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, I say bring it on. 37 00:01:32,417 --> 00:01:34,159 I don't feel so good. 38 00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:37,287 It's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda. 39 00:01:37,452 --> 00:01:39,722 I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. 40 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,338 I would never put up with that. 41 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,075 You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life. 42 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,179 Burn! 43 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:49,869 Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old. 44 00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:52,546 Good news: I don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night. 45 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,613 Who's up for hanging out? 46 00:01:53,658 --> 00:01:55,822 Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner. 47 00:01:55,937 --> 00:01:58,898 No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary. 48 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,818 Wow, nine years? 49 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,338 Your relationship's a fourth grader. 50 00:02:03,454 --> 00:02:04,233 Congrats. 51 00:02:04,366 --> 00:02:05,411 Thanks. 52 00:02:05,518 --> 00:02:08,511 We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest. 53 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,317 It's one of New York Magazine's "Top five romantic getaways on a budget." 54 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,382 Who says sexual can't be sensible? 55 00:02:15,515 --> 00:02:18,166 Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me. 56 00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:19,527 Really? 57 00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:22,626 Actually, I was talking to my martini. 58 00:02:25,843 --> 00:02:26,919 Ready to go? 59 00:02:27,032 --> 00:02:28,063 Hell, yeah. 60 00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:30,944 Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast. 61 00:02:31,037 --> 00:02:33,635 Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M. 62 00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,939 Sharp. 63 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:39,082 Complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese. 64 00:02:39,198 --> 00:02:43,362 Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce. 65 00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:48,505 Yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive. 66 00:02:48,607 --> 00:02:50,373 And it's supposed to rain tonight. 67 00:02:53,398 --> 00:02:55,786 - Or we could just stay home. - Maybe watch some TV. 68 00:02:55,823 --> 00:02:58,814 - Order in some Chinese. - Oh, Sichuan Garden! 69 00:02:59,098 --> 00:03:00,686 - Are we really bailing? - Hell, yeah. 70 00:03:00,778 --> 00:03:02,137 Good, cause this thing's empty. 71 00:03:08,902 --> 00:03:12,503 Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say "wow." 72 00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:16,591 Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident. 73 00:03:16,704 --> 00:03:18,968 It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. 74 00:03:19,037 --> 00:03:22,679 It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. 75 00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:26,046 But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship. 76 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,874 Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror? 77 00:03:30,049 --> 00:03:31,248 You can't just... 78 00:03:31,773 --> 00:03:32,832 Wow! 79 00:03:33,073 --> 00:03:33,968 Hey? 80 00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:35,824 What's taking so long? 81 00:03:35,946 --> 00:03:36,726 I have to go. 82 00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:39,207 Not so fast, Scherbotsky. 83 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,986 I like the way you think. 84 00:03:41,114 --> 00:03:42,695 That mirror thing. 85 00:03:42,752 --> 00:03:44,975 Simple. Elegant. 86 00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:47,559 Okay, limited-time offer: 87 00:03:47,638 --> 00:03:50,159 I need a "bro" for my bro-ings on about town. 88 00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:53,192 How would you like to be said bro? 89 00:03:53,297 --> 00:03:57,482 Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped. 90 00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:59,529 She really needs some support... 91 00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:03,312 or a stranger's tongue down her throat. 92 00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:04,994 That seems healthy. 93 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:06,931 All right. 94 00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:08,093 Guess I'm in. 95 00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:15,120 So... one more week and it'll be a month. 96 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,766 Really? Are you sure? 97 00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:19,454 Wow, that snuck up on me. 98 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:20,820 Oh, come on. 99 00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,586 The 18th can't get here fast enough. 100 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,319 Wait, the 18th? 101 00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:29,653 Oh, crap! I can't believe I forgot this-- I'm going to be out of town on the 18th! 102 00:04:29,861 --> 00:04:30,906 O h. 103 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:35,018 Well, um, we can just... wait until you get back. 104 00:04:35,056 --> 00:04:37,104 I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this. 105 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:38,749 Yeah. 106 00:04:38,897 --> 00:04:40,152 Or we could do it tonight. 107 00:04:40,275 --> 00:04:42,084 75th and Amsterdam. 108 00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:50,651 I'm so glad we decided to just stay home. 109 00:04:50,766 --> 00:04:52,467 Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone? 110 00:04:52,563 --> 00:04:54,894 We'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky. 111 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:57,659 And yet we'd feel obligated to have sex. 112 00:04:57,801 --> 00:05:00,235 Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. 113 00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:06,528 I would like to propose a toast. 114 00:05:06,694 --> 00:05:09,889 To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever. 115 00:05:19,423 --> 00:05:21,192 I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend. 116 00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:23,464 I'm so glad your roommates are out of town. 117 00:05:24,528 --> 00:05:26,391 Oh, my God, what are they doing home? 118 00:05:26,472 --> 00:05:28,249 They think we went away. 119 00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:33,853 Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted. 120 00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:36,627 But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom. 121 00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:37,897 They don't know that. 122 00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:42,645 All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom. 123 00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:45,119 But I don't want to hide out in here. 124 00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:48,691 Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. 125 00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:51,090 If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. 126 00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,625 Then one of us is going to have to have sex with Ted, and... 127 00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:55,131 not going to be me. 128 00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:57,682 Okay, fine. 129 00:05:59,716 --> 00:06:01,588 I guess I'll actually floss. 130 00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:10,014 You suited up! 131 00:06:10,139 --> 00:06:13,544 Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. 132 00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,734 Emilio? The woman will have... 133 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:20,298 I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2 134 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,285 Thanks. 135 00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:25,341 Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. "The Torpedo." 136 00:06:25,391 --> 00:06:28,271 Or, as the rollers call it, "Piramide." 137 00:06:29,529 --> 00:06:33,713 My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention. 138 00:06:33,817 --> 00:06:35,182 Father issues. 139 00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:36,297 Hot. 140 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,015 I know-- I was this close to being a huge slut. 141 00:06:40,591 --> 00:06:43,002 Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. 142 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,286 Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. 143 00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:48,550 Because he's pregnant. 144 00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:50,932 Cause he's the girl. 145 00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,503 Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. 146 00:06:54,743 --> 00:06:56,937 You need to have sex to get pregnant. 147 00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,473 What up! 148 00:06:58,579 --> 00:06:59,947 Freeze frame high five! 149 00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:06,832 I think this may be a perfect moment. 150 00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:09,713 I wish we could hold onto it forever. 151 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,873 No. 152 00:07:11,484 --> 00:07:15,142 Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. 153 00:07:15,437 --> 00:07:17,154 By its very nature, it... 154 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,465 slips through our fingers... 155 00:07:20,142 --> 00:07:22,337 making it that much more precious. 156 00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:26,475 Ugh, that is bad. 157 00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:31,115 That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad. 158 00:07:31,235 --> 00:07:32,995 And they're not even high. 159 00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:35,320 It's actually working. 160 00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,815 Yeah, smooth but slowly. 161 00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,898 God, close the deal, already. 162 00:07:40,014 --> 00:07:42,781 It's been, like, 45 minutes-- we could have had sex three times by now. 163 00:07:42,878 --> 00:07:44,687 - Yeah, try five. - What up! 164 00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:48,778 Maybe we should just go out there. 165 00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:51,462 No way! We can't go out there now. 166 00:07:51,563 --> 00:07:54,459 They'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. 167 00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:56,062 It'll be too weird. 168 00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:57,079 Fine. 169 00:07:58,202 --> 00:07:59,755 But if we're stuck in here... 170 00:07:59,865 --> 00:08:01,273 I'm turning up the volume. 171 00:08:01,378 --> 00:08:02,760 Shh. Shh. 172 00:08:08,411 --> 00:08:10,214 I want to know you. 173 00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:13,890 Like, know your soul. 174 00:08:14,682 --> 00:08:17,303 Ted, what makes you cry? 175 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,207 Honey, could you hold my hair back, I think I'm going to hurl. 176 00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:27,215 So. What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar? 177 00:08:27,629 --> 00:08:28,885 Are you kidding? 178 00:08:28,999 --> 00:08:30,534 Ted's never been here. 179 00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:33,771 You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. 180 00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:35,482 Still... 181 00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:36,592 What? 182 00:08:40,026 --> 00:08:42,330 There is one other thing we could do. 183 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,515 If you're up for it. 184 00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:51,117 Oh, I had no idea laser tag still existed! 185 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,157 Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. 186 00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:54,086 I give it two months. 187 00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:55,298 Oh, I believe it-- this is awesome! 188 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:59,464 Okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... 189 00:08:59,819 --> 00:09:02,033 Scherbotsky, you have to focus! 190 00:09:03,512 --> 00:09:04,929 You just saved my life, didn't you? 191 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,218 Thank me later. 192 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,557 Let's keep moving. 193 00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:10,313 These little bastards are everywhere. 194 00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:17,259 He's just staring into her eyes. 195 00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:22,723 I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria. 196 00:09:22,848 --> 00:09:24,206 Now look at us. 197 00:09:24,326 --> 00:09:27,523 Yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. 198 00:09:27,993 --> 00:09:29,504 It's the circle of life. 199 00:09:30,392 --> 00:09:32,527 No, I'm serious, Marshall. 200 00:09:32,632 --> 00:09:35,677 I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. 201 00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:39,139 And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom. 202 00:09:39,253 --> 00:09:42,238 Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. 203 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,140 This is their first time. 204 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:47,332 Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. 205 00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:50,273 Now, you just say, "Want to do it?" And I say, "Yeah." 206 00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:54,142 - Want to... - No! 207 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,268 Maybe we're just out of firsts. 208 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:11,645 Looks like they're about to have theirs. 209 00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:19,211 Should we take this to the bedroom? 210 00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,433 - Yes! - Yes! 211 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,586 Yes. 212 00:10:22,724 --> 00:10:23,956 - Yes! - Yes! 213 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,057 No. No, don't answer it! 214 00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:32,780 You can answer it. 215 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:34,021 We have all night. 216 00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:36,229 You're answering it? He's answering it! 217 00:10:36,354 --> 00:10:38,696 No! Do her! Do her now! 218 00:10:39,428 --> 00:10:41,895 Sure. Good luck with that. 219 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,521 Sorry about that. 220 00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:47,123 How about a little more wine? 221 00:10:47,415 --> 00:10:48,976 I'll get another bottle. 222 00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:53,426 I need a drink. 223 00:10:53,589 --> 00:10:55,653 Do we have any cough syrup in here? 224 00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:57,182 Shh... 225 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,719 Oh, God. These brats have us completely surrounded. 226 00:11:07,817 --> 00:11:10,021 I counted nine, maybe ten. 227 00:11:10,144 --> 00:11:12,048 I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it. 228 00:11:12,152 --> 00:11:13,560 No. Leave no man behind. 229 00:11:13,664 --> 00:11:15,444 Either we all get out of here or no one does. 230 00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,818 - But I... - Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky. 231 00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:20,182 See you on the other side. 232 00:11:30,628 --> 00:11:33,119 Damn. Want to go get a soft pretzel? 233 00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:34,226 - Yeah. - All right. 234 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,275 Marshall, what happened to us? 235 00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:43,327 We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. 236 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,218 Have we lost that? 237 00:11:46,752 --> 00:11:47,805 Maybe. 238 00:11:51,831 --> 00:11:53,764 But I think I just found it. 239 00:11:54,694 --> 00:11:56,084 Right here. 240 00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:03,849 Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes. 241 00:12:05,448 --> 00:12:10,584 Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. 242 00:12:15,954 --> 00:12:18,116 Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? 243 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,340 - Oh, damn it. - It's all right. We can do this. 244 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,830 Let's just hold hands. 245 00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:28,067 This is nice. 246 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,621 You love that move. It's a classic Marshall. 247 00:12:35,804 --> 00:12:38,668 All right, we totally suck at this. 248 00:12:38,776 --> 00:12:41,732 We really, really need to get out of here. 249 00:12:41,842 --> 00:12:43,343 Well, we can't. 250 00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:47,380 Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you, 251 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,131 it'll change the entire nature of our relationship. 252 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:52,338 What is it? 253 00:12:52,882 --> 00:12:54,653 I have to pee. 254 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,240 - This is bad. - Yeah. 255 00:13:01,353 --> 00:13:04,303 We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. 256 00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,162 You always think there'll be more time. 257 00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:09,071 Look at us. 258 00:13:09,184 --> 00:13:13,087 We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. 259 00:13:13,216 --> 00:13:17,421 The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it, 260 00:13:17,518 --> 00:13:19,470 it might go out forever. 261 00:13:19,752 --> 00:13:21,852 How much longer do you think you can hold it? 262 00:13:21,965 --> 00:13:26,035 I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon. 263 00:13:27,362 --> 00:13:28,478 Oh, boy. 264 00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:34,084 Playing laser tag really takes me back. 265 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,313 You know what game I really miss? Battleship. 266 00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:38,534 I've never lost a game. 267 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:39,925 Neither have I. 268 00:13:40,042 --> 00:13:40,767 Of course I cheat. 269 00:13:40,893 --> 00:13:41,958 Oh, yeah, me, too. 270 00:13:42,064 --> 00:13:44,657 The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L. 271 00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:47,255 Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other. 272 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,221 Nice. 273 00:13:48,347 --> 00:13:50,461 You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. 274 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,379 I think I still have a... 275 00:13:53,028 --> 00:13:55,655 Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox. 276 00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:58,228 Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. 277 00:13:58,352 --> 00:14:00,923 I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt. 278 00:14:02,485 --> 00:14:03,815 That's a woman. 279 00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:05,704 Oh, my mistake. 280 00:14:05,922 --> 00:14:07,618 Or is it? 281 00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:10,551 Let's just focus on your target. 282 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,626 Right. 283 00:14:12,831 --> 00:14:14,588 Yeah, I got this one. 284 00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:22,317 Oh, my God. I love your jeans. 285 00:14:22,722 --> 00:14:24,960 Okay. Is this a lesbian bar? 286 00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,451 Because that girl with the blue shirt just... 287 00:14:26,573 --> 00:14:29,356 Oh, no. I am all about the dudes. 288 00:14:29,462 --> 00:14:31,347 Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. 289 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,686 Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get. 290 00:14:36,195 --> 00:14:39,749 Really? 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now. 291 00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,119 Must be the jeans. 292 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,365 Well, jeans will only get you so far. 293 00:14:46,508 --> 00:14:47,889 I'm going home with him. 294 00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:50,747 We'll see about that. 295 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:06,002 Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much. 296 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,096 Baby, why don't you just go? 297 00:15:08,204 --> 00:15:10,332 Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other. 298 00:15:10,422 --> 00:15:14,690 No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive. 299 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,136 Well, you have farted in front of me. 300 00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:20,388 Yes, but I always cover it with a cough. 301 00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:22,806 You always do. 302 00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:30,975 - Hey. - Hey. 303 00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,190 Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere else. 304 00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:33,166 What happened? 305 00:15:33,259 --> 00:15:36,402 Eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release. 306 00:15:36,842 --> 00:15:37,984 But why? 307 00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:40,441 Leave no man behind. 308 00:15:40,658 --> 00:15:44,132 Either we all score or no one scores. 309 00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:46,037 Right on. 310 00:15:46,517 --> 00:15:48,285 Hey, you want to go play Battleship? 311 00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:49,453 Hit! 312 00:16:04,292 --> 00:16:07,224 Ted, I can't wait any longer. 313 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,816 Should we move to the bedroom? 314 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,548 There's no time for that. 315 00:16:13,341 --> 00:16:15,382 They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, 316 00:16:15,464 --> 00:16:17,875 but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom? 317 00:16:17,989 --> 00:16:20,499 Baby, I can't hold it in any longer. 318 00:16:20,603 --> 00:16:21,926 It's time. 319 00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:23,493 I know. 320 00:16:25,263 --> 00:16:26,869 I love you, Marshall. 321 00:16:27,044 --> 00:16:28,597 I love you, Lily. 322 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,315 You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight. 323 00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:40,731 Well, you make a good bro. 324 00:16:40,981 --> 00:16:42,735 You're a better Ted than Ted. 325 00:16:42,891 --> 00:16:47,543 Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. 326 00:16:47,654 --> 00:16:49,364 And you don't even have to come out of the cake. 327 00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:50,480 Thanks. 328 00:16:50,726 --> 00:16:54,287 And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. 329 00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:57,169 I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. 330 00:16:57,259 --> 00:16:58,024 Come on, boys. 331 00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,462 Hard-core? 332 00:17:01,975 --> 00:17:03,978 That's the only way I play. 333 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,684 I found it. Are you ready to... 334 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,817 What the hell are you doing? 335 00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:18,113 I'm birthday suiting up. 336 00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:20,906 I'm sorry, did you want to undress me? 337 00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,669 No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends. 338 00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,108 Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night. 339 00:17:27,223 --> 00:17:30,277 What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you. 340 00:17:30,371 --> 00:17:34,091 You invited me up to your apartment to "play Battleship." 341 00:17:34,185 --> 00:17:37,163 Is that not an internationally recognized term for sex? 342 00:17:37,269 --> 00:17:38,312 No. 343 00:17:39,802 --> 00:17:40,900 Great. 344 00:17:41,401 --> 00:17:42,654 I hope you're happy. 345 00:17:43,846 --> 00:17:45,591 You sunk my battleship. 346 00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:50,383 I'm okay. 347 00:17:50,561 --> 00:17:51,792 You okay? 348 00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:55,935 I feel the same. 349 00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,635 And yet, strangely different. 350 00:18:00,607 --> 00:18:04,889 I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us. 351 00:18:05,773 --> 00:18:09,126 You had to do it, sweetie... for Ted. 352 00:18:09,385 --> 00:18:12,935 And, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes. 353 00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:16,630 Yeah. I guess our relationship had to take a hit 354 00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:19,513 so a new one out there could blossom. 355 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,976 Oh, crap! 356 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,897 They must have heard that. 357 00:18:28,389 --> 00:18:30,696 Well, I guess we can come out now. 358 00:18:40,658 --> 00:18:42,679 I don't believe it. They're gone. 359 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,103 Good. 360 00:18:44,228 --> 00:18:46,078 'Cause I got to take a whiz. 361 00:18:49,151 --> 00:18:51,837 Okay, you and me, that's insane. 362 00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:53,410 If you even thought about it for one second... 363 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:56,390 But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. 364 00:18:56,477 --> 00:18:58,548 We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. 365 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:02,466 We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well. 366 00:19:03,874 --> 00:19:06,292 Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. 367 00:19:07,106 --> 00:19:08,881 But what about Ted? 368 00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:10,763 I checked with Ted. 369 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,287 Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well, 370 00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:15,191 I assume you're over all the girls you were into before, right? 371 00:19:15,224 --> 00:19:18,599 I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up with someone, say Robin, 372 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:19,902 you'd be cool with that, right? 373 00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:21,831 Sure. Good luck with that. 374 00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:24,356 Totally gave us his blessing. 375 00:19:24,411 --> 00:19:25,419 Really? 376 00:19:25,997 --> 00:19:27,172 Really. 377 00:19:27,754 --> 00:19:30,887 So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me? 378 00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:32,939 Didn't care at all. 379 00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:38,789 Oh. 380 00:19:39,594 --> 00:19:40,870 Oh... 381 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:41,760 What? 382 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,597 You like Ted. 383 00:19:43,658 --> 00:19:44,828 I didn't say I liked Ted. 384 00:19:44,944 --> 00:19:47,437 You like Ted. 385 00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:48,793 Wow. 386 00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:50,239 This is huge. 387 00:19:50,351 --> 00:19:52,214 Barney, I don't like Ted. 388 00:19:52,339 --> 00:19:53,977 He's moved on, and I'm really happy for... 389 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:57,267 Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what? 390 00:20:06,377 --> 00:20:07,992 You're not gonna tell him, are you? 391 00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:11,665 No. 392 00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:14,277 That's the bro code. 393 00:20:15,108 --> 00:20:19,536 A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. 394 00:20:20,259 --> 00:20:22,396 Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro 395 00:20:22,484 --> 00:20:25,512 that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. 396 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,335 It's quid pro bro. 397 00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:31,633 - A-7. - Miss. 398 00:20:31,743 --> 00:20:32,882 Of course. 399 00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:37,563 Well, we still have one frontier left. 400 00:20:37,712 --> 00:20:39,579 Still got the deuce. 401 00:20:40,584 --> 00:20:42,590 Not making me feel better. 402 00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:47,041 Well, it certainly was a first. 403 00:20:49,005 --> 00:20:51,344 It was, wasn't it? 404 00:20:51,892 --> 00:20:53,859 We still have firsts. 405 00:20:53,955 --> 00:20:55,800 Of course we do. 406 00:20:55,936 --> 00:20:58,551 And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. 407 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,086 I want to know you. 408 00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:05,204 Like, know your soul. 409 00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:09,522 Marshall, what makes you cry? 410 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:18,520 This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment. 411 00:21:19,262 --> 00:21:22,127 Oh, just grab my boob already. 412 00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,454 Come on, guys, get a room.