How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 10

Subtitles
1 00:00:00,743 --> 00:00:04,384 Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother. 2 00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,590 But there's one story I don't remember. 3 00:00:06,921 --> 00:00:10,197 Uncle Marshall still refers to it as "The Pineapple Incident." 4 00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:12,484 The night started like any other. 5 00:00:12,584 --> 00:00:14,131 We were downstairs at the bar. 6 00:00:14,239 --> 00:00:15,408 On the house. 7 00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:17,934 It's my own concoction. 8 00:00:18,023 --> 00:00:19,440 I call it the Red Dragon. 9 00:00:19,525 --> 00:00:22,175 - Wow! Thanks! - That was really sweet. 10 00:00:22,577 --> 00:00:24,594 - We're not really doing shotre we? - I Hope not. 11 00:00:25,078 --> 00:00:27,539 These look kind of like blood. 12 00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:31,914 Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before. 13 00:00:32,049 --> 00:00:34,524 But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? 14 00:00:35,658 --> 00:00:37,951 No, you guys, I'm serious. Think about it. 15 00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:39,175 He always wears black. 16 00:00:39,249 --> 00:00:41,673 We never see him in the daylight, only after dark. 17 00:00:41,696 --> 00:00:42,827 Oh, my God. 18 00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:44,911 That does describe a vampire... 19 00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:47,359 or, you know, a bartender. 20 00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,301 I should go get dressed. 21 00:00:50,388 --> 00:00:51,864 Where you going, buddy? Hot date? 22 00:00:51,965 --> 00:00:54,489 I'll say. She's going out with a billionaire. 23 00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:56,409 Lily, I told you not to call him that. 24 00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:58,013 Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? 25 00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,057 He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred-millionaire. 26 00:01:00,132 --> 00:01:01,847 Why do people always round up? 27 00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:05,066 So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you? 28 00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:05,949 A charity dinner. 29 00:01:06,019 --> 00:01:08,012 Yeah, $2,000 a plate. 30 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,303 $1,500. Stop rounding up. 31 00:01:10,493 --> 00:01:11,995 And it's for Third World hunger. 32 00:01:12,081 --> 00:01:13,224 You gonna put out? 33 00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:14,719 What? 34 00:01:14,814 --> 00:01:16,559 There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner, 35 00:01:16,638 --> 00:01:19,976 and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills. 36 00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:24,263 I think my soul just threw up a little bit. 37 00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:26,052 Well, I'm gonna be late. 38 00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:27,104 You guys have fun. 39 00:01:27,211 --> 00:01:28,224 - Bye. - See ya. 40 00:01:28,295 --> 00:01:29,226 - Bye. - See ya. 41 00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:31,111 You okay? 42 00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,382 Sure. Why? 43 00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:33,691 Oh, I don't know. 44 00:01:33,786 --> 00:01:36,211 Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire. 45 00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:38,958 Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire. 46 00:01:39,382 --> 00:01:42,338 And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. 47 00:01:42,411 --> 00:01:43,581 We're just friends. 48 00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:45,383 Look, it would not be smart if we got together. 49 00:01:45,461 --> 00:01:48,331 I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for... 50 00:01:49,932 --> 00:01:51,691 Wha...? You done? Great. 51 00:01:52,357 --> 00:01:55,869 Check out table number four. 52 00:01:56,256 --> 00:01:58,181 See that little hottie on the end? 53 00:01:58,256 --> 00:02:02,795 She's short, but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's, like, half boob. 54 00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:03,792 Let's go. 55 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,522 Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line? 56 00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:08,347 I... uh... 57 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,267 Daddy's home. 58 00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:15,376 Daddy's home? Okay, you want us to go over there right now 59 00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:18,271 and say to those girls, "Daddy's home"? 60 00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:20,431 Really think about that, Barney. 61 00:02:21,823 --> 00:02:23,460 Yeah, I think it's pretty solid. 62 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,029 Okay, think about this. 63 00:02:26,111 --> 00:02:29,812 Is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? 64 00:02:30,138 --> 00:02:31,813 Garlic fries. 65 00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:33,711 Okay, well, I'll get back to you. 66 00:02:34,797 --> 00:02:37,126 Oh, Daddy's back. 67 00:02:37,209 --> 00:02:39,432 See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that... 68 00:02:39,483 --> 00:02:44,656 Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Date Card from Amy. 69 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,963 That worked? 70 00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:47,961 I hate the world. 71 00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:50,696 Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. 72 00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:52,931 I'm teaching you how to do, do, do. 73 00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,818 - Doo-doo. - Totally. 74 00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:59,397 So I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped. 75 00:02:59,464 --> 00:03:01,183 Oh, yes, it can. 76 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,620 Interesting. 77 00:03:03,711 --> 00:03:06,176 Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. 78 00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:09,426 It's like the universe was saying, "Hey, Barney, there's this dude-- he's pretty cool-- 79 00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:12,008 but it's your job to make him awesome." 80 00:03:12,390 --> 00:03:14,617 Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. 81 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,196 It happened with Robin, it happened with Half Boob, 82 00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:23,741 and it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inibriation style. 83 00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:26,398 So, what, you want me to do a shot? 84 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:27,476 Oh, no. 85 00:03:27,546 --> 00:03:29,662 I want you to do five shots. 86 00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:32,055 More interesting. 87 00:03:32,197 --> 00:03:34,720 Barney, I think you've officially... 88 00:03:34,751 --> 00:03:37,029 No, don't think. Do. 89 00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:39,526 Ted, he's right: you overthink. 90 00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:41,825 Maybe you should overdrink. 91 00:03:41,912 --> 00:03:44,780 - Drink, drink... - Drink, drink, drink... 92 00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:47,015 Uh, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? 93 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:51,504 Guys, you are being immature and moronic, and drink, drink... 94 00:03:52,102 --> 00:03:55,471 Drink, drink, drink... 95 00:03:55,725 --> 00:03:56,962 Yeah! 96 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,857 Drink, drink, drink... 97 00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:01,426 Let me tell you something about this dream, okay? 98 00:04:01,935 --> 00:04:03,158 Drink! 99 00:04:03,521 --> 00:04:06,014 Pure alcohol cannot stop this brain. 100 00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:07,363 Drink, drink, drink... 101 00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:08,769 I love it! I love it! I love it! 102 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:11,994 This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain. 103 00:04:12,093 --> 00:04:13,803 Drink, drink, drink... 104 00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:15,721 This is a super brain. 105 00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,393 Drink, drink, drink... 106 00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,863 This brain is unstoppable. 107 00:04:19,953 --> 00:04:21,056 This brain... 108 00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:22,752 And that's all I remember. 109 00:04:22,969 --> 00:04:25,371 Except for a few hazy memories. 110 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,571 But really, the next thing I remember was waking up the following morning. 111 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,030 So there were some unanswered questions. 112 00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:00,666 How much did I drink? 113 00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,309 How did I sprain my ankle? 114 00:05:06,503 --> 00:05:08,471 And who was this girl in my bed? 115 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,729 There's our rock star. 116 00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:14,761 Okay, uh... What the hell happened last night? 117 00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:17,474 You really don't remember, Superbrain? 118 00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:20,624 So Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lilly filled me in. 119 00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:22,790 And how did you guys like the shots? 120 00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:25,282 I drank all five, bitch. 121 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,179 I love Drunk Ted. 122 00:05:28,281 --> 00:05:30,076 Marshall thinks you're a vampire. 123 00:05:32,687 --> 00:05:36,278 If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up. 124 00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:37,941 No dibs. 125 00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,877 No d... Damn it! 126 00:05:40,324 --> 00:05:41,968 How quickly you all forget. 127 00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:43,451 I haven't puked since high school. 128 00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:46,286 I am vomit-free since '93. 129 00:05:46,386 --> 00:05:48,617 Vomit-free since '93. 130 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,866 That's funny. I'm funny! 131 00:05:50,990 --> 00:05:51,972 Who are you calling? 132 00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:52,691 Robin. 133 00:05:52,776 --> 00:05:54,306 Oh, bad idea jeans. 134 00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:57,173 No, no, it's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. 135 00:05:57,256 --> 00:05:59,543 You do things you'd never do if you were sober. 136 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,998 Says every girl you've ever slept with. 137 00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,434 Say what? 138 00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:07,166 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 139 00:06:07,246 --> 00:06:08,273 Oh, hi, Ted. 140 00:06:08,355 --> 00:06:10,137 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 141 00:06:10,345 --> 00:06:11,722 Hi, Ted. 142 00:06:11,818 --> 00:06:13,214 Sounds like you're having fun. 143 00:06:13,296 --> 00:06:17,949 Robin, have I ever told you that I am vomit-free since '93? 144 00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:21,011 Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... 145 00:06:21,142 --> 00:06:22,434 '93? 146 00:06:22,804 --> 00:06:24,370 Dude, that's impressive. 147 00:06:24,454 --> 00:06:28,599 Robin, I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. 148 00:06:28,678 --> 00:06:30,519 You should be on 60 Minutes. 149 00:06:30,615 --> 00:06:32,833 You should be one of the minutes. 150 00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:35,956 That's sweet... and odd. 151 00:06:36,038 --> 00:06:37,410 But I'm kind of on a date right now. 152 00:06:37,507 --> 00:06:39,145 Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. 153 00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:42,884 Just 'cause this guy's spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. 154 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:46,421 Take it slow, Robin. Take it slow. 155 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,536 Slow... 156 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:49,692 Bye, Ted. 157 00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,516 Slow... 158 00:06:51,626 --> 00:06:54,826 Wow, right. That's why we don't do shots. 159 00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:57,386 Friends don't let friends drink and dial. 160 00:06:57,471 --> 00:06:58,514 I need that phone back. 161 00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:00,655 You'll get this back at the end of class. 162 00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:04,537 Ding. Class dismissed. Here you go, kid. You call whoever you want. 163 00:07:04,627 --> 00:07:05,865 Thank you, kind sir. 164 00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:10,017 At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking. 165 00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:14,408 And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom. 166 00:07:15,855 --> 00:07:19,187 Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. 167 00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:23,217 Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next? I don't know, but I want to find out. 168 00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:29,256 Cheap Trick? 169 00:07:30,038 --> 00:07:31,222 Oh, Ted. 170 00:07:34,032 --> 00:07:35,417 Hello again, Ted. 171 00:07:35,858 --> 00:07:39,462 172 00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:44,033 173 00:07:45,954 --> 00:07:50,854 174 00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:53,058 I love everyone in this bar! 175 00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:55,381 We love you, Drunk Ted! 176 00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:59,788 177 00:08:00,909 --> 00:08:02,367 178 00:08:04,176 --> 00:08:05,189 Ted? 179 00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,366 Well, that explains the ankle. 180 00:08:07,461 --> 00:08:09,720 Then we brought you home and put you to bed. 181 00:08:09,928 --> 00:08:12,411 Was there anyone else in there with me? 182 00:08:23,873 --> 00:08:26,222 - There's a girl in there! - I know. 183 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,188 - And a pineapple. - I know. 184 00:08:28,227 --> 00:08:30,257 - Who is she? - I don't know. 185 00:08:32,675 --> 00:08:34,492 What the hell happened to my jacket? 186 00:08:34,594 --> 00:08:35,784 Whoa. 187 00:08:36,764 --> 00:08:39,366 That girl in there is alive, right? 188 00:08:40,851 --> 00:08:43,156 I should call Barney. Maybe he knows what happened. 189 00:09:02,013 --> 00:09:03,075 Hello. 190 00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:04,851 Why are you sleeping in our tub? 191 00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:07,582 Uh, the porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling. 192 00:09:09,012 --> 00:09:12,325 Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night? 193 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,310 Don't worry. I slept through it. 194 00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:17,298 I totally didn't sleep through it. 195 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:21,287 Oh, and wow, for a little girl, you got a big tank. 196 00:09:22,693 --> 00:09:25,451 How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around 1:00. 197 00:09:25,535 --> 00:09:27,947 Oh, you put Ted to bed, all right. 198 00:09:28,186 --> 00:09:30,310 You guys take care of me. 199 00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:32,120 You guys are the best. 200 00:09:32,332 --> 00:09:34,443 I love you guys so much. 201 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:36,187 Good night, Ted. 202 00:09:36,272 --> 00:09:37,505 Love you, too, buddy. 203 00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:42,375 I'm back, baby doll! 204 00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:44,526 Hey! Hey! Hey! 205 00:09:44,613 --> 00:09:46,161 He rallies! 206 00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:48,167 And the night begins now! 207 00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:51,286 All right. Game face on. Carl, two more. 208 00:09:51,563 --> 00:09:53,498 All right, what do we think of this one? 209 00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:57,409 - I think she... - Trick question. No thinking. 210 00:09:57,508 --> 00:10:02,013 You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. Let's ride. Bring it! 211 00:10:03,452 --> 00:10:04,263 Hi. 212 00:10:05,026 --> 00:10:06,956 Have you met Ted? 213 00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:11,657 Excuse me. 214 00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:15,894 You're calling Robin. 215 00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:17,307 I'm calling Robin. 216 00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:21,874 Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her. 217 00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:23,161 Oh, yeah? 218 00:10:23,345 --> 00:10:24,790 What you gonna do? 219 00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:30,264 If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire. 220 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:32,864 You're bluffing. 221 00:10:35,557 --> 00:10:37,244 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 222 00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:40,073 - Ted, for the last time, stop... - Ow! 223 00:10:41,622 --> 00:10:42,382 Ted? 224 00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:44,919 You set me on fire. 225 00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:46,984 Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. 226 00:10:47,069 --> 00:10:48,575 You got robbed. This is a blend. 227 00:10:49,955 --> 00:10:52,705 You set me on fire. 228 00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:55,045 And who's the girl in my bed? 229 00:11:05,769 --> 00:11:07,296 There's a girl in your bed. 230 00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:11,704 And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple? 231 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,013 Who is she? 232 00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:14,573 I have no idea. 233 00:11:14,683 --> 00:11:15,799 Nice. 234 00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:17,776 You really don't know who that is? 235 00:11:17,863 --> 00:11:20,927 No. After I hosed you down with the beverage gun, I brought you back here. 236 00:11:21,019 --> 00:11:22,735 I better not have gotten burned. 237 00:11:26,368 --> 00:11:28,192 Did any of you write that? 238 00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,952 "Hi. I'm Ted. If lost, please call..." 239 00:11:32,297 --> 00:11:33,990 Whose number is that? 240 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,170 I don't know. 241 00:11:36,257 --> 00:11:38,602 Dude, call it. 242 00:11:38,874 --> 00:11:40,498 Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn. 243 00:11:44,674 --> 00:11:46,677 Ooh. Okay, you can call now. 244 00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:49,041 God, this is intense. I love it. 245 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,235 Hello? 246 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,759 Uh... hi. Who's this? 247 00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,530 You called me. Who's this? 248 00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,620 It's Ted. 249 00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,641 It's Carl from the bar. 250 00:12:02,323 --> 00:12:04,038 And then Carl filled us in. 251 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:06,332 Barney, you've always taken care of me. 252 00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,912 You are a gentlemen and a scholar. 253 00:12:09,097 --> 00:12:11,883 Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. 254 00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:14,688 He's yours. His name is Windjammer. 255 00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:17,483 Sleep it off, bro. 256 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:22,495 - I'm back, baby doll! - Yeah. 257 00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:27,936 And I... am gonna throw up. 258 00:12:29,534 --> 00:12:30,854 I threw up? 259 00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,558 Oh, my streak is over. 260 00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:35,402 Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. 261 00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:37,648 Sorry, Carl. Go on. 262 00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:45,108 Carl... did you know the word "karaoke" is Japanese for "empty orchestra"? 263 00:12:45,216 --> 00:12:47,557 Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? 264 00:12:48,364 --> 00:12:50,187 Are you a vampire? 265 00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:52,383 All right, I'm cutting you off. 266 00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:54,076 Go home and get some sleep, Ted. 267 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,498 Yeah, the sun's gonna come up soon. 268 00:12:56,593 --> 00:12:59,137 Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we? 269 00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:02,680 Hey, how easy do you think it would be to sneak into the zoo? 270 00:13:02,757 --> 00:13:05,089 I have to see some penguins, like, right now. 271 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,672 All right, give me your arm. 272 00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,343 Okay. 273 00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:11,766 This way, if you pass out in the gutter... 274 00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:13,359 It tickles. 275 00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:17,482 ...someone will call me, and I will come get you. 276 00:13:17,574 --> 00:13:18,811 Thanks, Carl. 277 00:13:19,076 --> 00:13:22,713 We can't just be friends. We're attracted to each other, and we both know it. 278 00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:23,989 Excuse me? 279 00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:26,960 Me and Robin, me and Robin. 280 00:13:27,036 --> 00:13:28,477 I have to make one more call. 281 00:13:29,162 --> 00:13:30,427 Yeah, this'll go good. 282 00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:36,757 Hey, it's me again. 283 00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,264 Look, who are we kidding? 284 00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,101 You and I are both attracted to each other. 285 00:13:41,182 --> 00:13:45,599 We're young, we're drunk-- half of us anyway-- and we only get one life. 286 00:13:45,682 --> 00:13:47,977 So, why don't you come over to my apartment right now, 287 00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:50,636 and we'll think of something stupid to do together? 288 00:13:50,837 --> 00:13:51,899 Really? 289 00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:52,882 Great. 290 00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,247 Wait. Really? 291 00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:55,895 Great. 292 00:13:56,424 --> 00:13:57,760 Thanks, Carl. 293 00:13:58,916 --> 00:14:00,167 It's Robin. 294 00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,309 That's Robin in there. 295 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,217 Did you guys...? 296 00:14:10,912 --> 00:14:13,074 Oh, come on. You've got to give me this one. 297 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,191 Those five shots got you further with Robin than your brain ever did. 298 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,748 See what happens when you don't think? 299 00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:21,891 You do. More importantly, you do Robin. 300 00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:23,603 Come on. 301 00:14:25,444 --> 00:14:26,857 All right, right over here. 302 00:14:27,907 --> 00:14:30,160 But, uh, still, what does this mean? 303 00:14:30,262 --> 00:14:31,351 Are we dating now? 304 00:14:31,444 --> 00:14:33,920 I-I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, but... 305 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,925 maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it... 306 00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:38,416 Someone get him a shot. He's thinking again. 307 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:42,453 You know what? Hold on, man. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. 308 00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:46,318 You and Robin went down this road before. You got dinged up really bad. 309 00:14:46,403 --> 00:14:49,929 You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? 310 00:14:50,018 --> 00:14:50,951 Robin. 311 00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:52,448 Go wake her up. 312 00:14:52,536 --> 00:14:54,368 Wake her up and say what? 313 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,024 Daddy's home. 314 00:15:00,159 --> 00:15:01,419 Good luck, buddy. 315 00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:10,535 Hello. 316 00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,025 Ted, it's Robin. 317 00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:17,628 Are you sure? 318 00:15:20,997 --> 00:15:24,612 Hey, Robin, how are you? 319 00:15:24,702 --> 00:15:28,366 Ted, I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last night. 320 00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:30,956 - Do you mind if I swing by? - Ask her about the pineapple. 321 00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:32,861 - Uh, yeah, sure, come on over. - Thanks. 322 00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,625 No. Wait, d-d-don't come... 323 00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:36,858 She's coming over. Crap! 324 00:15:36,947 --> 00:15:41,120 Wait. This is killing me. We have to find out who that girl is. 325 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:42,694 Trudy. 326 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,421 My name is Trudy. 327 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,041 And then, Trudy filled us in. 328 00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:54,533 I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner. 329 00:15:54,611 --> 00:15:58,023 I know. It's two years of my life I'm never getting back. 330 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:02,533 A little part of me wants to just jump the bones of the next guy I see. 331 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,057 Daddy's home. 332 00:16:05,901 --> 00:16:07,620 Or the one after that. 333 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,302 Okay, fair enough. I've got to prove a point to a friend, so, 334 00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:16,160 you just gave me your number... and your name is Amy. 335 00:16:16,479 --> 00:16:17,469 Ladies. 336 00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:21,439 I love everyone in this bar! 337 00:16:21,924 --> 00:16:24,048 Look at that idiot go. 338 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,651 He's kind of cute. 339 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:35,121 What are you doing in the men's room? 340 00:16:35,946 --> 00:16:38,032 What am I doing in the ladies' room? 341 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:41,696 All right, I came in here, 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up. 342 00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:42,727 Did you? 343 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,113 I did not. 344 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:50,524 And the streak continues-- vomit-free since '93. 345 00:16:52,904 --> 00:16:54,289 I'm sorry, Trudy. Go on. 346 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,293 I liked your performance. 347 00:16:56,374 --> 00:16:57,972 What, the karaoke? 348 00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:00,448 Domo arigato. 349 00:17:00,716 --> 00:17:02,108 I wish I had your guts. 350 00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:04,957 Getting up and making a complete idiot of myself. 351 00:17:05,052 --> 00:17:06,408 So, do it. 352 00:17:06,499 --> 00:17:07,746 I don't know. 353 00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:10,885 Still, I've had a pretty serious week. 354 00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:13,342 I could sure stand to do something stupid. 355 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,430 I'm something stupid. Do me. 356 00:17:16,232 --> 00:17:17,434 You're funny. 357 00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:19,569 Hey, can I call you sometime? 358 00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:20,847 Okay. 359 00:17:21,942 --> 00:17:22,983 Here, let me. 360 00:17:25,465 --> 00:17:27,622 Why do they call it karaoke, anyhow? 361 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:30,451 Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okey? 362 00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:33,097 These are the kinds of things I think about. 363 00:17:33,317 --> 00:17:37,617 Karaoke is Japanese for "empty orchestra." 364 00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,733 That's hauntingly beautiful. 365 00:17:44,636 --> 00:17:46,211 Hey, it works. 366 00:17:46,427 --> 00:17:48,315 Then I guess you're gonna have to call me. 367 00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:52,959 I got to make one more call. 368 00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:55,464 Hello? 369 00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,583 Hey, it's me again. 370 00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:58,381 Hey. 371 00:17:58,465 --> 00:18:00,148 Look, who are we kidding? 372 00:18:00,242 --> 00:18:01,981 You and I are both attracted to each other. 373 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,867 We're-We're young, we're drunk-- 374 00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:06,646 half of us, anyway-- and we only get one life. 375 00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:09,051 So, I came over here. 376 00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:12,533 And now, I'm really, really embarrassed. 377 00:18:13,882 --> 00:18:16,134 Damn it, Trudy! What about the pineapple? 378 00:18:16,232 --> 00:18:18,117 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry! 379 00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:25,947 Ah, Robin's here. Um, look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom. 380 00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:27,050 Why? Is that your girlfriend? 381 00:18:27,143 --> 00:18:30,180 Ah, no, that's not my girlfriend. Um, look, it's complicated. 382 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,350 Oh, you're married. Yeah, I know. I can't believe I did this. 383 00:18:32,431 --> 00:18:36,182 No, no, no, I-I'm not married. Um... I'll explain after you hide. 384 00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:43,929 Hey. 385 00:18:44,055 --> 00:18:44,698 Hi, guys. 386 00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:47,219 - Hey, Robin, top of the morning. - Hi, Robin. Good sweater. 387 00:18:47,442 --> 00:18:52,267 Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. I was pretty drunk. 388 00:18:52,356 --> 00:18:53,483 Uh, no kidding. 389 00:18:53,571 --> 00:18:55,606 Those calls were really weird. 390 00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,272 Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk. 391 00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:01,208 - Let's go get a snack. - I love to snack. 392 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,373 I'm good. 393 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,975 Come on, those calls weren't that weird. 394 00:19:15,934 --> 00:19:18,135 Robin! Come hang out! 395 00:19:18,219 --> 00:19:20,428 Okay, I'm gonna make this sound till you come hang out. 396 00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:29,265 That goes on for three and a half minutes. 397 00:19:29,523 --> 00:19:30,706 Without a breath? 398 00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,650 That's got to be some kind of record. 399 00:19:32,758 --> 00:19:35,704 Oh, Ted, you can't do this. Please. 400 00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:38,381 We agreed to be friends, and now you're making it all confusing. 401 00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:41,889 No, I'm not. Look, I-I just turned off my brain for the night. 402 00:19:41,987 --> 00:19:44,381 Nothing's changed. You've moved on. I've moved on. 403 00:19:44,469 --> 00:19:46,691 Really? You've moved on? 404 00:19:46,814 --> 00:19:48,835 Yes. What, you don't believe me? 405 00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:51,681 Oh. Uh, okay. 406 00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:54,590 Trudy, come on out. 407 00:19:54,752 --> 00:19:56,310 You are gonna laugh. 408 00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:58,191 Wait. You were with someone last night? 409 00:19:58,271 --> 00:20:00,616 Yeah, Trudy. She's cool. 410 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,415 Trudy, come on out. 411 00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:05,546 Yeah, seriously, it's okay. 412 00:20:06,632 --> 00:20:08,253 This is so Trudy. 413 00:20:09,027 --> 00:20:10,619 She's really shy... 414 00:20:10,851 --> 00:20:11,922 I think. 415 00:20:12,949 --> 00:20:13,980 Trudy? 416 00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:23,469 Hi, Trudy. I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you. 417 00:20:24,332 --> 00:20:26,075 You're right. She is shy. 418 00:20:26,227 --> 00:20:29,350 I'm not making this up. She-she must have climbed out the fire escape. 419 00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:33,248 Whatever. Whatever! I-I don't care what you think. 420 00:20:33,592 --> 00:20:35,631 Then why'd you hide her from me? 421 00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:38,577 Wow. You're good. 422 00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:40,980 Anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes? 423 00:20:41,075 --> 00:20:43,394 Yes. You did... last night. 424 00:20:43,487 --> 00:20:44,669 Really? 425 00:20:47,845 --> 00:20:49,223 Get some sleep, Ted. 426 00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:50,601 You had a long night. 427 00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:52,480 And don't feel bad. 428 00:20:52,649 --> 00:20:54,588 I've woken up with worse. 429 00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:04,296 I left Trudy a message, but she never called me back. 430 00:21:04,691 --> 00:21:06,751 That's just how life works sometimes. 431 00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:08,492 You turn off your brain for a night, 432 00:21:08,593 --> 00:21:11,418 and all your left with the next day is a bad hangover, 433 00:21:11,518 --> 00:21:13,007 a sprained ankle... 434 00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:17,718 Oh, we never found out where that pineapple came from, 435 00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:19,428 but it was delicious.
 * 1) Hey, it's me again #
 * 1) Plain to see again #
 * 1) Please, can I see you every day #
 * 1) I'm a fool again #
 * 1) I fell in lo... #