How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 13

Subtitles
1 00:00:14,104 --> 00:00:17,740 Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments. 2 00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,409 And they make life worth living. 3 00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:20,725 But here's the problem: 4 00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:22,214 moments pass, 5 00:00:22,685 --> 00:00:25,393 and lurking just around the corner from those moments 6 00:00:25,476 --> 00:00:29,227 is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality. 7 00:00:29,623 --> 00:00:31,979 And so, back in 2006, 8 00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:34,513 on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, 9 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,294 reality was the enemy. 10 00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:38,677 Wow. The Peace Corps? 11 00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:41,242 Yeah. I ship out tomorrow-- two years. 12 00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:46,453 You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. 13 00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,627 To those people, I say, "Is it?" 14 00:00:48,728 --> 00:00:51,504 And usually they say, "Yes, it is." 15 00:00:52,091 --> 00:00:53,953 Barney, they are so right. 16 00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:55,964 I wish there was something I could do. 17 00:00:56,293 --> 00:00:57,535 Oh, Tanya... 18 00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,508 I'm so glad you said that. 19 00:01:01,035 --> 00:01:03,653 This wasn't how I'd thought the night would turn out. 20 00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:07,411 This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin. 21 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,444 But then reality came along. 22 00:01:10,396 --> 00:01:13,883 Robin got called up last-minute to anchor the 11:00 news. 23 00:01:14,022 --> 00:01:15,395 It was her big break. 24 00:01:15,586 --> 00:01:18,025 And I went to the wedding stag. 25 00:01:18,406 --> 00:01:20,913 Then, when I least expected it... 26 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,531 Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night? 27 00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:37,743 I had the most amazing night ever. 28 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,693 Tell me about it. That cake. Best cake I ever had. 29 00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:42,566 Seriously. My stomach was, like, 30 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,243 "Hey, bro, I don't know what you're eating, 'cause I don't have any eyes, 31 00:01:45,324 --> 00:01:48,250 but it's basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley." 32 00:01:48,348 --> 00:01:49,397 Yeah, I know. 33 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:53,649 My stomach was, like, "Girlfriend, we don't always get along, but that cake..." 34 00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:54,587 Lily. 35 00:01:55,496 --> 00:01:58,799 Oh, right. "Most amazing night ever," and go. 36 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,112 You know, I should tell you, I have a rule. 37 00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:04,413 I never hook up at weddings. 38 00:02:04,963 --> 00:02:07,068 I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule. 39 00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:10,759 Well, here's the thing, those big romantic moments, 40 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,707 they're great when they happen, but they're not real. 41 00:02:13,812 --> 00:02:17,723 Exactly, exactly-- like-like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, 42 00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:20,331 I'm not gonna lie to you, big-time thunderbolt. 43 00:02:20,418 --> 00:02:22,411 Mm. You should see me tap dance. 44 00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:24,140 You'd be down on bended knee. 45 00:02:24,585 --> 00:02:26,354 Sadly not out of character. 46 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,115 But I know now it's just a mirage. 47 00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,653 Wedding goggles. 48 00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:34,523 Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you. 49 00:02:34,748 --> 00:02:36,035 This isn't the moves? 50 00:02:36,124 --> 00:02:37,798 What, you... you think this is the moves? 51 00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:39,660 Believe me, you'd know the moves. 52 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:42,288 People ten tables away would know the moves. 53 00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:43,993 Oh, that's too bad. 54 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,201 Tell me about it. 55 00:02:45,962 --> 00:02:49,131 You know, I think... I have a solution. 56 00:02:49,225 --> 00:02:50,244 Interested. 57 00:02:50,352 --> 00:02:54,329 And to preface this, we're not gonna sleep together tonight. 58 00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:55,681 Less interested. 59 00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:57,288 Go ahead. 60 00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:58,218 Okay. 61 00:02:58,356 --> 00:03:01,933 So the thing that always screws it up is the next day. 62 00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:03,905 Right? So... 63 00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:06,764 Why don't we just cut that part out? 64 00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:07,629 What are you saying? 65 00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:12,974 I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, this is a big romantic wedding-- 66 00:03:13,055 --> 00:03:16,706 why don't we just dance and have a great time, 67 00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:19,844 and then when it's over, never see each other again. 68 00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:24,463 - Unless... - No. No unless. 69 00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:28,408 No e-mails, no phone numbers, not even names. 70 00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:34,035 Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. 71 00:03:34,377 --> 00:03:37,158 And then... when we're old and gray, 72 00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:39,355 we'll look back on this night 73 00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:41,035 and it'll be perfect. 74 00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:43,674 Wow. 75 00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:47,604 - Okay, I'm in. - Okay. 76 00:03:47,702 --> 00:03:49,731 I guess, uh, what, we'll need fake names? 77 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:53,013 Um... you can call me Buttercup. 78 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,333 Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. 79 00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:57,607 I'm... Lando Calrissian. 80 00:03:59,122 --> 00:04:01,803 Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded... 81 00:04:01,902 --> 00:04:03,698 Ted, Ted, Ted. Look, I got a bridesmaid. 82 00:04:03,794 --> 00:04:06,030 Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid. 83 00:04:06,128 --> 00:04:07,371 Ted, look. See ya, Ted. 84 00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:12,502 So, I'm Ted. 85 00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:13,941 Victoria. 86 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,078 - But no last names. - No last names. 87 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,736 Oh, what is wrong with you? 88 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:25,994 Dude, that is just, like... a weenie-ass idea. 89 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,359 No, it was awesome-- I had a great night, 90 00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:30,962 I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it. 91 00:04:31,365 --> 00:04:32,913 Ted, how do I explain this to you? 92 00:04:34,538 --> 00:04:36,484 Last night I ate the best cake of my life. 93 00:04:36,757 --> 00:04:38,369 Now, you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? 94 00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:40,252 Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake, 95 00:04:40,332 --> 00:04:42,150 and then I'm gonna get some more cake. 96 00:04:42,797 --> 00:04:44,628 That cake really got to you, huh? 97 00:04:44,847 --> 00:04:46,088 It haunts me. 98 00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:49,267 So, what happened next? 99 00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:50,437 Okay. 100 00:04:51,285 --> 00:04:53,075 Ground rules have been established. 101 00:04:53,257 --> 00:04:56,419 Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about. 102 00:05:03,112 --> 00:05:04,354 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 103 00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:09,800 Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet. 104 00:05:09,888 --> 00:05:12,959 Yes, but we'll need... a diversion. 105 00:05:13,735 --> 00:05:16,016 - Kiss! - Kiss! 106 00:05:17,545 --> 00:05:19,389 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 107 00:05:19,483 --> 00:05:20,441 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 108 00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,254 So that's what happened to the bouquet. 109 00:05:23,643 --> 00:05:27,441 You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition. 110 00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:29,361 You're not gonna do it at your wedding? 111 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:32,715 Hell, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower-grenade and chuck it into the crowd 112 00:05:32,807 --> 00:05:35,229 and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" 113 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,661 That's just what girls do. 114 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,241 So, where'd you guys go? 115 00:05:51,513 --> 00:05:52,443 Very nice. 116 00:05:52,549 --> 00:05:53,435 Yeah? 117 00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:57,343 Okay, I don't really know how to tap dance. 118 00:05:57,395 --> 00:05:59,033 I couldn't tell. Really. 119 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,393 Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight. 120 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,193 Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some. 121 00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:08,366 No, you couldn't. 122 00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:10,034 You're a dude. 123 00:06:10,786 --> 00:06:12,635 - I could get some. - You could totally get some. 124 00:06:18,425 --> 00:06:19,933 We're not gonna kiss tonight. 125 00:06:22,345 --> 00:06:26,017 If-if we kiss, all of this becomes real. 126 00:06:26,122 --> 00:06:28,589 You-you might use too much tongue. 127 00:06:29,034 --> 00:06:32,211 I might not use enough. And then suddenly, poof, spell's broken. 128 00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:34,750 I will use exactly the right amount of tongue. 129 00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,167 Okay, how about this? 130 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:44,964 The best part of any first kiss is the lead-up to it. 131 00:06:45,086 --> 00:06:51,607 The moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll. 132 00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:57,691 So... how about tonight, we just stick with the drumroll? 133 00:06:59,477 --> 00:07:00,323 Okay. 134 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:01,587 But we can't kiss. 135 00:07:02,636 --> 00:07:04,037 Okay. 136 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,812 A drumroll? 137 00:07:26,036 --> 00:07:27,029 That's it? 138 00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:31,061 So, what, you just... you said good night, came home and... 139 00:07:31,391 --> 00:07:33,284 performed a drum solo? 140 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,672 Oh, Ted, you're such a doof! 141 00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,587 I mean, this girl sounds amazing. 142 00:07:38,683 --> 00:07:40,454 She was completely amazing. 143 00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:44,769 She was amazing and funny, and we connected on every level, 144 00:07:44,850 --> 00:07:46,612 and I'm never gonna see her again. 145 00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:50,113 Damn it, I have to see her again! 146 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:51,497 - Yes! - Yes! 147 00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:54,647 So let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her? 148 00:07:54,743 --> 00:07:57,292 Nothing. Her name's Victoria-- that's all I got. 149 00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,129 Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know. 150 00:07:59,223 --> 00:08:00,641 Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. 151 00:08:00,728 --> 00:08:02,601 She'll be back in two weeks-- call her then. 152 00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,698 Yes, two weeks. Good idea. 153 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:05,751 I'm calling her now. 154 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,402 No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon. 155 00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:09,876 Yeah, come on, dude. 156 00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:11,103 Ask her about the cake. 157 00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:15,165 Ted? 158 00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:19,185 Hey, Claudia! Great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. 159 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,268 How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl, 160 00:08:22,344 --> 00:08:24,250 and I was wondering if you had... 161 00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:27,382 Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me! 162 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,741 Aw, here we go. 163 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:33,557 24 hours ago, you were begging... begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding, 164 00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:35,633 and now, well, uh, you're over her? 165 00:08:36,069 --> 00:08:37,275 I've moved on? 166 00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,233 What was her name? 167 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:40,285 Is it my fat cousin Lindsay? 168 00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:42,040 Don't be embarrassed-- she has pretty eyes. 169 00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:45,302 Uh, no. Her name was Victoria. I don't know her last name. 170 00:08:45,403 --> 00:08:49,583 Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards. 171 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,795 Thank God. 172 00:08:51,303 --> 00:08:55,035 Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted. 173 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,394 There was no Victoria at the wedding. 174 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,434 Maybe she used a second fake name. 175 00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:08,826 Oh, she's good, she's very good. 176 00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:10,255 Maybe she was ghost. 177 00:09:10,632 --> 00:09:12,592 That's why she didn't want to kiss you-- 178 00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:15,291 because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. 179 00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,765 Oh, my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay. 180 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,095 Marshall... she was not a ghost! 181 00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,819 I know that she wasn't a ghost. 182 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,585 She picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form. 183 00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:28,179 Wait-wait! She was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. 184 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,393 She must've been at their table. Maybe they know who she was. 185 00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:33,009 Great. So how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids? 186 00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:39,789 This better be good-- I am about to enter Nirvana. 187 00:09:39,935 --> 00:09:42,597 By the way, I should get you Nirvana's phone number. She gives a great massage. 188 00:09:42,681 --> 00:09:43,632 Say what?! 189 00:09:43,744 --> 00:09:45,166 - Barney! - Ow! 190 00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:48,803 I know the house rules. Es un chiste! 191 00:09:49,492 --> 00:09:52,418 Listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. 192 00:09:52,498 --> 00:09:53,920 Did you happen to get her phone number? 193 00:09:54,014 --> 00:09:55,188 You know I did. 194 00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,087 Great! Um, I'm gonna need you to call her for me. 195 00:09:58,184 --> 00:09:59,898 You know I won't. 196 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,484 Why not? 197 00:10:01,682 --> 00:10:03,523 Because we just hooked up last night. 198 00:10:03,632 --> 00:10:05,545 I can't call the girl the next day. 199 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,407 I have to wait at least, like... forever. 200 00:10:08,502 --> 00:10:10,513 Oh, snap! Never gonna call her. 201 00:10:11,146 --> 00:10:13,184 Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India. 202 00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:16,294 Oh, come on, Barney, it's for a good cause. 203 00:10:16,388 --> 00:10:22,089 Uh, Ted going all castrati over yet another girl is exactly not a good cause. 204 00:10:22,203 --> 00:10:24,263 Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you-- my hands are tied. 205 00:10:24,364 --> 00:10:26,218 Oh, no, wait-- that was last night. 206 00:10:28,592 --> 00:10:30,594 Okay, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 207 00:10:30,872 --> 00:10:33,715 You make this call and I will go with you... 208 00:10:34,646 --> 00:10:36,304 to Foxy Boxing. 209 00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:38,241 - Really? - Yeah. 210 00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:42,090 But you always said the Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy not good at boxing. 211 00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:43,614 I'm ready to be proven wrong. 212 00:10:44,338 --> 00:10:45,720 - Tonight? - Tonight. 213 00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:46,836 Dial. 214 00:10:47,769 --> 00:10:50,575 Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps till tomorrow. 215 00:10:51,312 --> 00:10:53,206 Yeah, I know. It sucks. 216 00:10:53,295 --> 00:10:55,454 Just one fewer day I get to help people. 217 00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,097 Anyway, this girl-- any idea who she was? 218 00:10:59,148 --> 00:10:59,953 Hold on. 219 00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:02,874 What kind of shoes was sh... No, Tanya, he's a dude. 220 00:11:02,970 --> 00:11:05,109 He's not going to know what kind of shoes she was wearing. 221 00:11:05,212 --> 00:11:06,202 Actually... 222 00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:07,839 Oh, come on. 223 00:11:08,792 --> 00:11:09,400 Hey! 224 00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:13,266 So what do you want to do next? 225 00:11:13,481 --> 00:11:15,384 Don't think. First thing that comes into your mind. 226 00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:19,817 Hold... this... 227 00:11:20,318 --> 00:11:21,406 and this... 228 00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,054 Whoa! 229 00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:26,019 There she goes. 230 00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:31,320 Apparently she was wearing brown shoes... 231 00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:34,203 ...with little snowflakes on them. 232 00:11:35,783 --> 00:11:37,602 Yeah, they do sound cute. 233 00:11:38,441 --> 00:11:39,845 Any idea who...? 234 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,636 Okay. Well, thanks anyway. 235 00:11:42,775 --> 00:11:43,769 Yeah, you take ca... 236 00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:44,708 What's...? 237 00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:46,253 Tonight? 238 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,431 Well, I'm shipping out pretty early, so I won't be able to stay over, 239 00:11:50,511 --> 00:11:51,550 but, yeah, sure, I'd love to. 240 00:11:52,323 --> 00:11:53,849 Okay. I'll talk to you later. 241 00:11:54,596 --> 00:11:56,530 Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make Foxy Boxing tonight. 242 00:11:56,635 --> 00:11:57,594 I understand. 243 00:11:57,955 --> 00:12:00,120 Okay, uh, let's not lose hope. 244 00:12:00,199 --> 00:12:02,962 We'll call the hotel. Maybe she was staying there. 245 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,051 We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. 246 00:12:06,149 --> 00:12:08,087 Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori... 247 00:12:08,181 --> 00:12:09,067 Or Ictor. 248 00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:12,980 She probably doesn't go by "Ictor." 249 00:12:15,196 --> 00:12:16,272 No, you know what? 250 00:12:16,558 --> 00:12:17,561 This is fate. 251 00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:19,184 I am never supposed to see this girl again. 252 00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:20,449 That was the whole point of the night. 253 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:22,705 I have just been saved from myself. 254 00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:23,874 Let's drink many beers. 255 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:24,781 Agreed. 256 00:12:25,171 --> 00:12:26,868 And I thought that was the end of it. 257 00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,074 But then... 258 00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:35,492 Hey! There's the anchor lady! 259 00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:36,403 How was it? 260 00:12:36,508 --> 00:12:40,004 Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor? 261 00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:44,063 Robin? Thanks, Robin! It was awesome. Back to you, Robin. 262 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,724 Congrats! That's so cool! 263 00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,013 Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted, though. 264 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,397 Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact... 265 00:12:51,491 --> 00:12:53,705 And then Lily told her the whole story, 266 00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:57,158 right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them. 267 00:12:57,256 --> 00:12:58,611 And by the end of it... 268 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:00,736 What? 269 00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,143 I know who she is. 270 00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:10,259 You know who she is? But you weren't even at the wedding. 271 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,892 Actually, I kind of... was. 272 00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:14,923 What? 273 00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:17,697 Well, after the newscast, I was so excited 274 00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,749 I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception. 275 00:13:33,664 --> 00:13:35,123 Oh, damn it! 276 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:36,915 Oh, stop it! 277 00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:38,344 What the hell! 278 00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:40,386 Hello? 279 00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:42,085 You okay in there? 280 00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,423 Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Um... 281 00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,427 Just allergies or something. 282 00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:48,477 I'm fine. 283 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,040 Listen, do you... want to come and cry out here? 284 00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,515 I've been told I'm an excellent hugger. 285 00:13:56,616 --> 00:13:57,626 Oh, thanks. 286 00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,976 But I don't actually cry in front of people or... 287 00:14:02,561 --> 00:14:04,637 cry at all, for that matter. 288 00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,351 Oh, man, it's gross. 289 00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,986 Does everyone snot up this much when they cry? 290 00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:14,243 Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter. 291 00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,491 So, why are you crying? 292 00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:21,692 Because you have feelings for Ted. 293 00:14:22,052 --> 00:14:23,228 I don't know. 294 00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:24,555 Maybe? 295 00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:28,510 Okay, what is wrong with the two of you! Seriously! 296 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:32,594 He likes you and you like him. And j-j-just be together! 297 00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:35,335 Cheese Louise! Happiness is not that difficult! 298 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:40,382 Look, okay, yes. I cried in the bathroom and that... was weird. 299 00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,872 But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. 300 00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:45,727 The fact is, I-I don't know how I feel. 301 00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,312 Yes, you do! 302 00:14:47,426 --> 00:14:49,958 Seeing him with someone else and crying about it? 303 00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,891 Guess what? That's how you feel. 304 00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:54,501 That is nothing but how you feel. 305 00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:57,578 Okay, fine. I have feelings for him. 306 00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,495 Happy? 307 00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:00,005 Kinda, yeah. 308 00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,087 But it doesn't change anything. 309 00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:08,597 I still don't want to get married and he's still... Ted. 310 00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:13,144 What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he can be happy. 311 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:17,273 Or you could tell him that you're into him and then you could both be happy. 312 00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,444 I'm going to go find him. 313 00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:21,960 Well, wait. 314 00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,800 Which one are you going to tell him? 315 00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:27,014 I have no idea. 316 00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:30,063 And here's the most amazing part-- 317 00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:33,472 Because I told her I'd converted all my money to India dollars, 318 00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:36,547 she gave me 50 bucks to take a cab to the airport. 319 00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:39,143 That's right. I just got paid for sex. 320 00:15:40,394 --> 00:15:43,320 I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately. 321 00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:44,812 Hi, guys. 322 00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:45,904 Hey. 323 00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:48,830 Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second? 324 00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:49,652 Yeah, sure. 325 00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,606 What's up? 326 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,956 Um... I, uh, I have to tell you something. 327 00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:55,465 Oh... 328 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,703 Oh, just get it. 329 00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:58,661 Hello? 330 00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,572 Ted? It's Stuart. 331 00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:03,175 My lovely bride would like to say something to you. 332 00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:12,727 Ted... I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier. 333 00:16:12,823 --> 00:16:16,010 My new husband, and the vodka cranberry, 334 00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:19,906 which cost $10.50 at the freakin' airport bar... 335 00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:22,138 When is this plane going to board?! 336 00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:23,051 Sweet pea? 337 00:16:25,899 --> 00:16:31,354 ...have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person, 338 00:16:31,446 --> 00:16:35,455 and I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person. 339 00:16:35,638 --> 00:16:37,941 It's fine, Claudia, don't worry about it. 340 00:16:38,186 --> 00:16:41,685 Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake. 341 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,710 The cake? 342 00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,023 Why don't you take this? 343 00:16:48,022 --> 00:16:49,512 Sounds like you could use it. 344 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:50,799 Thanks. 345 00:16:51,023 --> 00:16:52,509 You're very sweet. 346 00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:56,440 So are you a friend of the bride or groom? 347 00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:58,554 We got it at this little bakery downtown. 348 00:16:58,773 --> 00:17:00,034 Actually neither. 349 00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:02,012 It's called the Buttercup Bakery. 350 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:03,835 Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. 351 00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,353 I made the cake. 352 00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,388 She made the cake. 353 00:17:14,397 --> 00:17:17,283 She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. 354 00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,868 She made the cake. 355 00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:23,039 She made that cake? Ted, this is the girl. 356 00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,882 You got to marry her. Today. 357 00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:26,337 She has to move in with us. 358 00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:27,888 I'm going down to that bakery. 359 00:17:27,974 --> 00:17:29,197 No, no. Don't do it. 360 00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,080 Baby, what are you talking about?! 361 00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:34,905 Yeah, all day long you been busting my apple-bag about finding this girl. 362 00:17:34,993 --> 00:17:39,100 Well, I-I just think that... that maybe she's not that into you. 363 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:42,520 And-and that's why she didn't give you her number. 364 00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:44,307 Robin? 365 00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,097 Care to chime in with anything? 366 00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:49,599 Yes. 367 00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:51,654 Ted... 368 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,098 Go get her. 369 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,343 Going. Getting. 370 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,307 Ted, oh, my, gosh, I love this moment. You know why? 371 00:18:00,388 --> 00:18:02,246 'Cause I'm going to say it, and this time, you're actually going to say yes. 372 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,375 You ready? You ready to say yes? 373 00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,022 Ted, suit up. 374 00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:05,919 Yes! 375 00:18:06,358 --> 00:18:06,982 No. 376 00:18:07,091 --> 00:18:08,272 Oh, come on! 377 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,485 Whoa. Guess we were gone a while. 378 00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:14,285 Oh, that's too bad. 379 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,783 I was looking forward to one last dance. 380 00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,617 Well, yes, I am. 381 00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,184 Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking. 382 00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:43,877 Wow, what was I just thinking? 383 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,266 "Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux." 384 00:18:48,323 --> 00:18:50,491 - You got me. You are good. - Yeah. Mmm. 385 00:18:50,952 --> 00:18:52,783 You know, I don't look like this every day. 386 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,931 On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it. 387 00:18:57,975 --> 00:19:01,768 Mmm. The real Ted sounds real sexy. 388 00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:05,292 Too bad I'll never get to see it. 389 00:19:11,315 --> 00:19:13,503 Buttercup Bakery. This is it. 390 00:19:13,615 --> 00:19:14,690 Good luck, dude. 391 00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,205 Grab me a cupcake. 392 00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:22,183 Ted? You still with us? 393 00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:36,668 Tell me your last name. 394 00:19:40,608 --> 00:19:43,060 You know there's one little flaw in our plan. 395 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,105 What's that? 396 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,031 I'm going to go home tonight with a lot of great memories 397 00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:49,328 and one really sucky memory. 398 00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:52,280 The memory of you walking out that door. 399 00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:57,630 Hey, Ted. 400 00:19:58,158 --> 00:19:59,043 Yeah? 401 00:20:00,474 --> 00:20:01,895 Close your eyes... 402 00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:04,512 and count to five. 403 00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:09,183 One... 404 00:20:09,998 --> 00:20:10,953 two... 405 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,127 three... 406 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:15,758 four... 407 00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:19,157 five. 408 00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:36,895 And to our dying days we'll remember everything about that night as perfect. 409 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,464 Maybe we both need that. 410 00:20:40,118 --> 00:20:42,103 I mean, so many things go wrong in life 411 00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,183 but this is the one thing that never will. 412 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,055 It will always... 413 00:20:46,808 --> 00:20:50,633 always be pure unadulterated awesome. 414 00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,321 And if I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us... 415 00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:57,276 The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot. 416 00:20:57,384 --> 00:20:58,383 Yeah, yeah, I'm going. 417 00:21:23,176 --> 00:21:24,536 Oh, thank God.