How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 16

Subtitles
1 00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:15,508 Kids, when it comes to love, 2 00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:18,671 the best relationships are the ones that just come naturally. 3 00:00:18,682 --> 00:00:20,510 My first solo batch. 4 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,664 Um, I think those need to stay in the oven a while longer. 5 00:00:23,665 --> 00:00:25,012 Here's a professional tip. 6 00:00:25,013 --> 00:00:28,172 If it's still runny, it's not a cupcake. 7 00:00:28,173 --> 00:00:29,461 It's a beverage. 8 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,862 Yeah, well, things with Victoria were fun, 9 00:00:31,863 --> 00:00:34,748 and easy, and uncomplicated. 10 00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:36,258 It was pretty great. 11 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,050 Um, are you coloring in your butt? 12 00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:48,603 I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. 13 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,266 I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, 14 00:00:51,266 --> 00:00:53,878 yeah, I'm coloring in my butt. 15 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:54,860 So wear another one. 16 00:00:54,861 --> 00:00:55,884 I don't have another one. 17 00:00:55,885 --> 00:01:00,140 I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday. 18 00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,935 Dude, you show up to an interview in that, 19 00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:05,956 even the hippie lawyers from Granola Mountain Earth Pals 20 00:01:05,957 --> 00:01:07,890 will hackey sack you straight out the door. 21 00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:12,254 Okay, it's the National Resource Defense Council, and it's my dream job. 22 00:01:12,255 --> 00:01:15,175 Except it's only an internship, and I won't be getting paid. 23 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,553 Mostly getting people coffee. 24 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,714 But the people I'm getting coffee for-- 25 00:01:18,715 --> 00:01:21,553 their bosses are going to save the world. 26 00:01:22,225 --> 00:01:25,685 Okay, tomorrow-- oh, and I should mention this is going to rock your world-- 27 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:30,073 tomorrow I'm taking you to my personal tailor. 28 00:01:30,074 --> 00:01:30,960 A tailor? 29 00:01:30,961 --> 00:01:33,447 Barney, I make negative $300 a week, 30 00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:35,879 and I need every negative penny of that for my wedding. 31 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,204 Relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost. 32 00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:43,840 And there is no way you're getting married in that sarcastic-quotation-marks "suit." 33 00:01:43,841 --> 00:01:47,373 Tomorrow, noon, my tailor. 34 00:01:48,098 --> 00:01:49,724 No thanks, dude. 35 00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:56,050 - Noon? - Noon. See you then. 36 00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,393 - Hey, girls. - Hey. 37 00:02:01,394 --> 00:02:03,038 Hey. I'm on my way to meet Ted. 38 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,369 It's our two monthiversary, so we're going out to dinner. 39 00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,886 Great! Well, that answers all the questions I didn't ask. 40 00:02:07,887 --> 00:02:08,983 Robin! 41 00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:10,807 Oh, come on. We bust on each other. 42 00:02:10,808 --> 00:02:13,105 We're just at that place in our strong friendship. 43 00:02:13,106 --> 00:02:15,320 Really? Oh. 44 00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:16,547 Get off me. 45 00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:19,281 Oh, see? I did it again. 46 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,598 What are you guys up to? Oh, dress shopping. 47 00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:26,016 You know, I make wedding cakes for a lot of fancy bridal shops. 48 00:02:26,017 --> 00:02:28,729 If you want, I could take you shopping, maybe get you a discount. 49 00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,035 - Really? That'd be great. - Yeah. 50 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,673 Huh. I should take this. 51 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,482 Hello. 52 00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:39,585 Hey, I thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. 53 00:02:39,586 --> 00:02:41,785 What's with inviting Punky Brewster? 54 00:02:41,973 --> 00:02:45,436 Robin, you've got to get over this Ted and Victoria thing. 55 00:02:45,437 --> 00:02:47,653 You had your chance, and now he's moved on. 56 00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:49,993 Can't you just be happy for them? 57 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:52,299 The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes. 58 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,476 Sold. 59 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,344 Victoria, what's wrong? 60 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:03,997 I've just been offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany. 61 00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:06,164 Wait. Germany, Europe? 62 00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,870 It's for two years. 63 00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:12,349 I figured I didn't have much of a chance, 'cause they don't let many Americans in, but... 64 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,689 I'm in. 65 00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:16,027 So, this is the Europe Germany? 66 00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:18,511 What other Germany would it be? 67 00:03:18,512 --> 00:03:20,364 - The one in Epcot? - Ted. 68 00:03:20,365 --> 00:03:21,428 Sorry. 69 00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:25,658 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 70 00:03:25,846 --> 00:03:27,387 I don't know if I'm going to go. 71 00:03:27,388 --> 00:03:30,689 Mm-hmm. And if you do, what does that mean for us? 72 00:03:30,690 --> 00:03:32,123 I don't know. 73 00:03:33,194 --> 00:03:36,998 I just... I don't think that long distance really works for anyone. 74 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,137 Oh, God, no. 75 00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:42,844 Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college. 76 00:03:43,906 --> 00:03:46,357 So, that leaves us with... 77 00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:48,620 Either you stay here, 78 00:03:48,956 --> 00:03:50,408 or we break up. 79 00:03:51,821 --> 00:03:53,228 Wow. 80 00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:57,097 Um, look, let's just see how things progress, and if by September, 81 00:03:57,098 --> 00:03:59,079 - we still feel... - I have to leave on Monday. 82 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,616 - Monday, September the...? - Ted. 83 00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:06,088 Do you have any thoughts? 84 00:04:06,527 --> 00:04:09,706 Maybe we should each take some time to think about what we want. 85 00:04:10,122 --> 00:04:12,500 We'll meet up tomorrow to discuss it. 86 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,397 It's a date. 87 00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:17,451 And that's when things got complicated. 88 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,897 Hey, baby, how's the dress place? 89 00:04:20,898 --> 00:04:23,104 Everything's so fluffy and white. 90 00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:24,939 It's like shopping in a marshmallow. 91 00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:26,805 How's Barney's tailor? 92 00:04:27,414 --> 00:04:32,520 Um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. 93 00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:34,467 It's like shopping in Barney's mind. 94 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,755 - Well, good luck, baby. - Bye. 95 00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:41,250 Hey, Barney, I'm not sure about this. 96 00:04:41,251 --> 00:04:43,652 A tailor in the back room of a pet store? 97 00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:46,802 Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not? 98 00:04:52,098 --> 00:04:54,237 Ted, Sergei says stop moping around. 99 00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:56,116 You're distracting him from his process. 100 00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:57,667 You speak Ukrainian? 101 00:04:59,129 --> 00:05:01,522 Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. 102 00:05:01,523 --> 00:05:05,501 I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me. 103 00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,471 And long distance definitely isn't an option. 104 00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:09,561 No. No, no, no. No way. 105 00:05:09,562 --> 00:05:11,571 You know who likes long distance? Girls. 106 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:14,528 It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now. 107 00:05:14,807 --> 00:05:18,607 Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work. 108 00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,531 - Really? You? - Absolutely. 109 00:05:20,532 --> 00:05:22,217 I'm juggling four right now. 110 00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:25,390 There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, 111 00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:29,435 there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. 112 00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:33,863 The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney. 113 00:05:34,426 --> 00:05:38,636 Ted, do you remember in college when Lily did that summer art program in Paris? 114 00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:39,158 Yeah. 115 00:05:39,159 --> 00:05:42,566 Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabriel. 116 00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,799 So, I went out to visit, and there was this party. 117 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,627 And who shows up but Gabriel. 118 00:05:46,628 --> 00:05:50,081 And he's got this weak-ass, thin French moustache. 119 00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:53,370 I'm not much of a fighter, but I knew I could take this weird little dude. 120 00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:56,798 So, I took him aside, and I got all creepy quiet, 121 00:05:56,799 --> 00:05:59,894 I got the crazy eyes going, and I said, 122 00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:02,827 "You stay away from Lily, 123 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:09,133 or I swear to God I'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly French face." 124 00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:11,059 Yeah. Yeah, he literally ran away. 125 00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,744 I think he was crying. 126 00:06:12,837 --> 00:06:14,692 I never told Lily about it. 127 00:06:14,696 --> 00:06:17,244 To be honest, I'm not very proud of it. 128 00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:21,045 To be even more honest, I am. 129 00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:24,879 Um, other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes about Americans, 130 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,405 did that little story have a point? 131 00:06:26,406 --> 00:06:29,568 Yeah, the point is that even though Lily is my soul mate, 132 00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,783 long distance still almost killed us. 133 00:06:31,784 --> 00:06:35,284 If you think that there's any chance that Victoria is your soul mate, 134 00:06:35,346 --> 00:06:36,722 you should ask her to stay. 135 00:06:36,723 --> 00:06:39,675 Well, I don't know if she is. It's still so early, but yeah, she could be. 136 00:06:39,676 --> 00:06:41,724 Oh, please. You barely know this girl. 137 00:06:41,725 --> 00:06:42,776 What's her favorite color? 138 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,591 Is she a cat person or a dog person? 139 00:06:44,592 --> 00:06:46,584 Is she open to a three-way? 140 00:06:46,585 --> 00:06:49,442 Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone. 141 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,844 And FYI, yes, I have three-way calling. 142 00:06:53,342 --> 00:06:57,927 Look, she can't be a cat person. I'm a dog person, I'm attracted to other dog people. 143 00:06:57,928 --> 00:06:59,619 Are you sure? 144 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,682 All right. 145 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,143 Hello. 146 00:07:04,143 --> 00:07:06,477 Hey, random question. How do you feel about cats? 147 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,357 Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal. 148 00:07:10,213 --> 00:07:13,371 Good to know. Um, okay. Good-bye. 149 00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:16,074 She's a cat person. 150 00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,993 I don't know this girl at all. 151 00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:22,060 - Oh, excellent. We'll take this one. - Yes. 152 00:07:22,061 --> 00:07:25,342 Whoa. Hey, hey, it's my suit. Shouldn't I be the one to choose? 153 00:07:26,109 --> 00:07:28,040 Here. Play with this pin cushion. 154 00:07:34,999 --> 00:07:36,518 God. 155 00:07:36,685 --> 00:07:38,634 I'm going to look hot. 156 00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:41,239 Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice 157 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,812 fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival. 158 00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,239 This is a suit for winners. 159 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,471 I am getting you an interview at my office. 160 00:07:47,472 --> 00:07:49,547 We need good men like you in our legal department. 161 00:07:49,548 --> 00:07:52,442 We get sued a lot. 162 00:07:52,443 --> 00:07:55,047 No way. The Kid does not sell out. 163 00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:57,645 Oh, come on, dude! Three months working with me, 164 00:07:57,646 --> 00:08:00,238 you'll make more than Lily makes in a year. 165 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,388 No. I've made my decision. 166 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:05,103 So have I. 167 00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:08,252 If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me, and two weeks later, it's not working out, 168 00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:10,801 I'm, like, the biggest jerk of all time. 169 00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:13,754 It's just too much pressure on a new relationship. 170 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,746 I'm going to tell her to go. 171 00:08:18,113 --> 00:08:21,328 And so I met her that night to tell her my decision. 172 00:08:21,329 --> 00:08:23,818 All right, I've been thinking a lot about this... 173 00:08:23,819 --> 00:08:25,961 Okay, wait, before you say anything, 174 00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:29,925 I wanted to give you this. 175 00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:35,300 This is what happens when you, you know, let them finish baking. 176 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,728 I want you to stay. 177 00:08:48,669 --> 00:08:52,917 Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. 178 00:08:52,918 --> 00:08:54,894 It's like shopping in Barney's mind. 179 00:08:55,073 --> 00:08:57,270 - Oh, good luck, baby. - Bye. 180 00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:00,854 Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear? 181 00:09:00,855 --> 00:09:03,090 Nothing too huge or-or poofy. 182 00:09:03,091 --> 00:09:04,619 I'm not really a girlie girl. 183 00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:07,540 But I would like to look like a beautiful princess. 184 00:09:07,541 --> 00:09:09,254 I saw a couple up front that were nice. 185 00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:10,876 By the window? 186 00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:15,490 No offense, dear, but those are a little out of your price range. 187 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,837 Where does she get off? She doesn't know how much money I make. 188 00:09:19,838 --> 00:09:21,312 Oh, these women are experts. 189 00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:24,686 They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear. 190 00:09:24,687 --> 00:09:29,039 Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs! 191 00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:30,816 At least we get free champagne! 192 00:09:30,817 --> 00:09:32,278 - And cake. - Mm-hmm. 193 00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:34,701 Speaking of which, Victoria, have you decided 194 00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:37,151 what to do about your doughnut fellowship? 195 00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,089 You know, I don't know. 196 00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:41,622 I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted. 197 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,051 I even thought about long distance, as if that ever works. 198 00:09:44,052 --> 00:09:47,584 Ugh. All talking and no sex. Kill me now. 199 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:52,908 I know it sounds lame, but I actually think that Ted might be The One. 200 00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:55,102 That's pretty hard to walk away from. 201 00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:56,286 Well, I don't know. 202 00:09:56,287 --> 00:09:59,090 I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity 203 00:09:59,091 --> 00:10:01,376 to chase some guy I'd only known two months. 204 00:10:01,377 --> 00:10:03,453 But this isn't just some guy. 205 00:10:03,454 --> 00:10:05,059 This is Ted. 206 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,077 He's amazing. He's the best guy I know. 207 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:11,329 Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew! 208 00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:15,555 I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean. 209 00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:17,744 - I really don't... - Sex. 210 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,779 Oh, excuse me, ma'am. This bastard's kicked. 211 00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:22,969 Thanks. 212 00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:26,672 - Oh! - Oh! 213 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,542 It's okay, guys, I hate it. 214 00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,602 - Just horrible. - It's bad, it's really bad. 215 00:10:30,603 --> 00:10:32,240 Short in front, long in the back? 216 00:10:32,241 --> 00:10:35,423 That is the mullet of wedding dresses. 217 00:10:36,081 --> 00:10:39,654 You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long distance once. 218 00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:42,716 In college, I did an art course in Paris. 219 00:10:42,717 --> 00:10:44,752 I was the only American there. 220 00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:46,341 It was really lonely. 221 00:10:46,342 --> 00:10:49,173 I only had one friend, Gabrielle. 222 00:10:49,174 --> 00:10:51,737 She was kind of homely and strange-looking, 223 00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:55,576 and she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had. 224 00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:59,172 Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, 225 00:10:59,173 --> 00:11:01,388 and I never figured out why. 226 00:11:02,165 --> 00:11:04,000 And then I had nobody. 227 00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:06,007 The only thing that got me through was knowing 228 00:11:06,008 --> 00:11:09,328 that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. 229 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:13,979 If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him. 230 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,025 But how am I supposed to know if we're soul mates? 231 00:11:16,026 --> 00:11:17,644 It's too soon. 232 00:11:18,362 --> 00:11:19,938 Ooh. Speak of the devil. 233 00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:20,701 Hello. 234 00:11:20,702 --> 00:11:22,993 Hey, random question: how do you feel cats? 235 00:11:22,994 --> 00:11:25,652 Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal. 236 00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:29,036 A cat person. Why am I not surprised? 237 00:11:30,162 --> 00:11:31,321 Bye. 238 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:33,750 Why does Ted want to know if I like cats? 239 00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,783 Maybe he's going to buy you one. 240 00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:38,243 I did hear barking in the background. 241 00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:39,919 Maybe he was in a pet store. 242 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,086 Does he want us to get a cat together? 243 00:11:42,087 --> 00:11:46,204 Maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying. 244 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,207 That is low. 245 00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:49,990 Do you really think that's what he's doing? 246 00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:51,533 Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out. 247 00:11:51,534 --> 00:11:53,974 I would be on the next plane to Germany. 248 00:11:55,687 --> 00:11:57,780 - Aw. - Aw. 249 00:11:57,781 --> 00:12:00,005 Oh, God, you guys are sucky liars. 250 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:02,608 - Ugly, ugly, ugly. - I don't know what to say. 251 00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:05,999 You know what? We're doing this all wrong. 252 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,712 I am going to get you one of those front window dresses, just for fun. 253 00:12:13,084 --> 00:12:14,504 Are you okay? 254 00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:15,833 I'm fine. 255 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:16,948 Okay. 256 00:12:16,949 --> 00:12:20,411 Just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle Victoria out of the country. 257 00:12:20,412 --> 00:12:22,659 I'm not, I'm just trying to support her. 258 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:25,592 She got a super-important dessert scholarship. 259 00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:29,878 Stop being sarcastic. It is a super-important dessert scholarship. 260 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:33,061 Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic. 261 00:12:33,437 --> 00:12:36,946 Look... I know you're not Victoria's biggest fan, 262 00:12:36,947 --> 00:12:40,180 but she seems to make Ted happy. 263 00:12:40,181 --> 00:12:44,504 So think about that before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket. 264 00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:46,940 Somebody say "beautiful princess." 265 00:12:46,941 --> 00:12:50,182 Oh, my gosh, it's perfect! Oh! 266 00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:53,567 This dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night. 267 00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:58,043 Oh, look how happy she is. 268 00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:01,839 You know, I've always thought of myself as one of those independent women 269 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,654 who would never let any guy mess with my career. 270 00:13:04,655 --> 00:13:07,170 And now I'm actually thinking about it. 271 00:13:07,171 --> 00:13:11,483 I feel guilty, like it's un-feminist or something. 272 00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,430 I know what you mean. 273 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,049 You do? 274 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:22,584 Well, I'm always putting my career ahead of my relationships, and... 275 00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:26,314 to be honest, there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description. 276 00:13:26,315 --> 00:13:28,571 See, that's what I'm afraid of. 277 00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:33,889 Choosing Ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist. 278 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:38,319 Maybe it just means that you guys would be happy together. 279 00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,513 Robin... 280 00:13:41,248 --> 00:13:45,042 I think that you are the coolest. 281 00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:47,345 I'm so glad that we're friends. 282 00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,882 Oh, no way-- you're the coolest. 283 00:13:48,883 --> 00:13:50,994 No, you are. 284 00:13:51,017 --> 00:13:52,643 Okay, I am. 285 00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:58,595 I'm going to stay. 286 00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:03,734 - Aw. - Aw. 287 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:09,327 Oh, I am so beautiful! 288 00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:10,721 Oh, don't tell me how much it costs. 289 00:14:10,722 --> 00:14:13,832 Just snap my neck now, so I can die this pretty. 290 00:14:14,123 --> 00:14:16,350 Wow, you look incredible. 291 00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:21,260 Oh. Okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever? 292 00:14:21,269 --> 00:14:25,632 Never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity. 293 00:14:27,924 --> 00:14:29,841 Well, it's okay. 294 00:14:29,842 --> 00:14:32,543 You know, what makes a bride beautiful 295 00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:36,074 is that she's just happy to be getting married. 296 00:14:39,196 --> 00:14:41,574 Oh, guys, I know I look amazing, 297 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:46,067 but the important thing is that Marshall and I love each other, right? 298 00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:48,220 Yes, you're right. 299 00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:52,560 But also... you just sat down in the cake. 300 00:14:54,932 --> 00:14:55,791 But, you know what? 301 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:59,746 It's going to come out because it's only... chocolate and raspberry. 302 00:15:00,027 --> 00:15:02,871 Okay. Come on, get up, let us see how bad it is. 303 00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:14,015 It was like this when I found it? 304 00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:16,502 And how will you be paying for this? 305 00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:21,134 Credit card... s. 306 00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:28,811 I wanted to give you... this. 307 00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:31,124 This is what happens when you... 308 00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:34,031 you know, let them finish baking. 309 00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:42,544 I want you to stay. 310 00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:48,112 I have to go to Germany. 311 00:15:51,822 --> 00:15:53,242 You're going? 312 00:15:53,356 --> 00:15:55,566 Yes. I have to. 313 00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:56,994 So that's what you decided? 314 00:15:56,995 --> 00:16:00,081 Well, no-- I mean, I actually came here tonight leaning toward staying, 315 00:16:00,082 --> 00:16:03,904 but when you just told me to stay, it made me realize that I have to go. 316 00:16:03,905 --> 00:16:05,640 What is this, opposite day or something? 317 00:16:05,641 --> 00:16:07,748 - No. - So it is? 318 00:16:08,949 --> 00:16:11,448 Ted, we've only been dating for two months. 319 00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:13,974 I can't let you make this decision for me. 320 00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:16,712 I was totally going to tell you to go, but then you gave me this cupcake, 321 00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,838 and it reminded me how great you are. 322 00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:21,584 Well, is there any chance that you would move to Germany with me? 323 00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:23,604 Well, that's just crazy. 324 00:16:23,605 --> 00:16:25,718 Oh, okay. 325 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,691 So it's fine for me to make sacrifices for you, but for you it's crazy. 326 00:16:28,692 --> 00:16:31,159 But you have a job here and a life; I'd have nothing there. 327 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:31,918 You'd have me. 328 00:16:31,919 --> 00:16:34,060 We've only been dating two months. 329 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:38,824 Oh, it's not fair. It's not fair that we have to break up. 330 00:16:38,825 --> 00:16:40,433 I hate this. 331 00:16:43,051 --> 00:16:46,581 So... we're breaking up? 332 00:16:47,944 --> 00:16:49,400 I guess so. 333 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:54,234 I guess so. 334 00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:58,411 God, that sucks, man. 335 00:16:58,673 --> 00:17:00,164 I'm so sorry. 336 00:17:01,084 --> 00:17:02,874 It was just too much pressure too soon. 337 00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:05,387 I mean, maybe it was silly to even think... 338 00:17:06,162 --> 00:17:09,173 Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome. 339 00:17:09,174 --> 00:17:11,010 Well, thank you for acknowledging it. 340 00:17:11,011 --> 00:17:12,221 It was weird that you hadn't. 341 00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:16,391 Look, I understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today? 342 00:17:16,392 --> 00:17:18,999 - She's leaving tomorrow. - Yeah, but she's still in town. 343 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,104 Yeah, she... she's still in town. 344 00:17:21,105 --> 00:17:24,697 Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. 345 00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:26,418 Ted, think about it this way: 346 00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:28,802 if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, 347 00:17:28,803 --> 00:17:31,086 would you sit on the couch and cry about it, 348 00:17:31,087 --> 00:17:33,428 or would you run, and jump, 349 00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:37,177 and do some awesome air kicks while you still could? 350 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,079 Awesome air kicks, huh? 351 00:17:43,432 --> 00:17:45,981 - New pajama bottoms? - You know it. 352 00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:49,338 So we can sit around and cry, or we can run, 353 00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:52,781 and do awesome air kicks before our leg gets chopped off. 354 00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,262 Wait, so we're sharing the leg? 355 00:17:55,263 --> 00:17:57,379 No, the leg is a metaphor. 356 00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:00,637 How could the leg be well enough to do awesome air kicks one day, 357 00:18:00,638 --> 00:18:03,895 and yet still so sick it needs to be chopped off the next? 358 00:18:05,682 --> 00:18:07,172 I don't know, Ted. 359 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:10,690 Come on, we've had a good run. Why end on a fight? 360 00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:12,379 Well, what would you want to do? 361 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:14,982 Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to. 362 00:18:14,983 --> 00:18:15,855 Like go to the Mets. 363 00:18:15,856 --> 00:18:17,349 Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. 364 00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:19,159 See some monkeys at the zoo? 365 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,807 Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing and say we want to try? 366 00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,836 Wow! We better get going. 367 00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,261 Yeah, big day. 368 00:18:26,262 --> 00:18:26,831 Yeah. 369 00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:30,391 And, kids, that's exactly what we did with our last day. 370 00:18:30,392 --> 00:18:34,328 The museum, the bridge, the restaurant, 371 00:18:34,329 --> 00:18:37,081 and all of those nice things. 372 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,187 Lily, you have to tell him. That dress cost a fortune. 373 00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:43,274 No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time Marshall really screws up, 374 00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:47,069 and then, I'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison. 375 00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:48,902 Well, here's hoping he cheats on you. 376 00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:51,917 Yeah, but only, like, second base. 377 00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:56,320 Look at us: two guys in suits. 378 00:18:56,321 --> 00:18:58,008 You feel that slight tingle? 379 00:18:58,009 --> 00:19:02,876 That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. 380 00:19:03,032 --> 00:19:05,731 Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash. 381 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,791 Hey, babe. 382 00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:13,085 Dollar beer night, so I splurged and got us each our own. 383 00:19:13,584 --> 00:19:16,380 So, have you thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp? 384 00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:19,735 Oh, please-- your company is not called Barney Corp. 385 00:19:19,736 --> 00:19:21,062 Yet. 386 00:19:21,135 --> 00:19:24,109 Oh, I almost forgot. Sergei sent me your bill. 387 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,838 B... Barney, this says $4,000. 388 00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:32,289 I thought you said that it was one-third price. 389 00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,096 Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit. 390 00:19:34,097 --> 00:19:36,481 Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company. 391 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,373 You set this up! You set this whole thing up! 392 00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:43,828 I most certainly did... 393 00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:46,263 Well, it won't work. 394 00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:49,698 Even if I have to get two extra night jobs, I'll pay your precious tailor. 395 00:19:49,699 --> 00:19:51,840 I'm not selling my soul. 396 00:19:52,496 --> 00:19:56,767 Baby, I know that this will make things harder, but I will make it work, I promise. 397 00:19:56,768 --> 00:20:00,097 I destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress. 398 00:20:01,681 --> 00:20:02,932 What time is the interview? 399 00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:05,078 9:00 a.m., and you'll need new shoes. 400 00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,031 Don't worry, I know a guy. 401 00:20:11,187 --> 00:20:14,364 I'm glad we got to spent the day doing awesome air kicks. 402 00:20:14,365 --> 00:20:17,638 Yeah, I was almost too tired for all the sex. 403 00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:22,731 I'm going to miss you so much. 404 00:20:22,732 --> 00:20:24,450 I'm going to miss you, too. 405 00:20:31,585 --> 00:20:36,128 Hey, you know, I mean, if, when I get back, we're still single, we can... 406 00:20:36,129 --> 00:20:37,981 Even if we're not. 407 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:40,810 Okay. 408 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:02,597 Look, I know it never works for anyone, but... do you want to try long distance? 409 00:21:02,598 --> 00:21:04,999 Yes. Yes! 410 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,513 - We can beat the odds. - Odds, schmodds. 411 00:21:10,514 --> 00:21:11,953 It's gonna work. 412 00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:14,621 We're going to make it work-- it'll work. 413 00:21:15,654 --> 00:21:17,212 It didn't work. 414 00:21:17,213 --> 00:21:20,768 Long-distance was and is a terrible idea, 415 00:21:20,769 --> 00:21:24,616 a really terrible idea, just awful. 416 00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:27,269 But more on that later.